cont.

My aunt just sent me a really cute teddy bear holding a strawberry dipped in chocolate that I like.  My dad may mess with me getting cute gifts "just because 'it must be related.'"

Problem

My dad won't stop pounding mean secret messages into me when I got up and came out to eat tonight.  I didn't really mean it, but the thought came out that maybe he or someone else would get it..  I'm tired of their incessant giving in to meanness towards me for various things that aren't bad.  You know, these thoughts keep processing with me.  I didn't remember to actively ignore the beatings I felt in my head from his making noises taking out the garbage.  He even looked at me snidely when I woke up.  If other people are disposable, than so is he.

They won't leave me alone and get on with life.

Why do people respect my dad, when I am just living my life, they play games and bring him into mine.  No one has *** with their dad.  And I'm NOT talking about older men, neither, to have ***.  It's a no.  I would only do it for the tradition.

My dad won't stop being rude to me periodically and then ricocheting back.  I feel reverberations from the past before.  He does it in a way no one here tends to notice.

My dad keeps acting like I'm bad.  The normal response would be..  And don't threaten to attack me because you know what the next thing is.  You all won't let him be nice to me.

For some people not even wanting to have any kids, you sure have strange dreams and ideals set up for your life and in your mindset the eyes of others.

Something Normal People'd Like to Know

Does someone have a problem with me?

Lemme guess, my dad?  Well, he doesn't have a right to do that.  Another certain someone?  They don't know enough to.  Not by me!

People are being lazily sneaky with me.  Really, just look at this.  Ever since you kicked me outta Music Education, you've been onto "sneaky."

I can see the satisfaction these actions can bring.

I am left alone in the dark with people pelleting things at me.  What if I said no to you?  My life is set to be perfect for me.

So

I did some thinking, sorry, and hope for a better day tomorro'!

Apology

Today, it started out 2 black girls, one very obese and one very short were tagging at me like I was nothing tho.  I shoulda just realized they were colored and not get mad in that way.  Sometimes, I don't know what to do about things like that.

Apology

I was trying to talk about someone nicely with my dad, but I had some thought of restraint from them.  I will try not to.

Apology

My head really was damaged, that's why I yelled, the movie theater was a 3 ring circus at the Sponge Bob Movie.  My chair was bumped like 5 separate times.

I'm sorry I acted out in uncontrolled ways at the psychiatrist.  I didn't know what to do but for some reason thought I might do something.

I am very sorry I went straight to the source so-to-speak in wondering if someone nice damaged my head.  I'm sure there was a reason, but I don't have the guts to do that to someone.  I tried not to be vicious, but it came out maybe that's why I was so mad, that someone so nice would do that.  My head!  I'm sorry, but my head.. I am trying to be sorry.  I feel something is missing.  Oh yes, I want to figure out why I seem so mean to someone else.  I guess I should submit that I was stupid but not purposely mean.  Take whatever restraint from me you must for whatever was not meant to be.

:(

Well whoever.  I don't mean to say it's someone who didn't do it.  I don't wanna attack people for being mean to me, neither.  It just ends up in a fight.

Problem

I will not have my world controlled by a wacko mean person, one who intimidates my relationships but not who usually does..

Today at the movies during Sponge Bob a lady walked behind me who was fat with a very large rear end.  She hit the back of my chair and it hurt my head.  I yelled at te people in the food part and they sent someone in.  I had just came out earlier to tell on the cough chain with mostly little kids.

My dad is giving me a hard time again, thinking I can't have a relationship cuz I was mad they mighta did it.

There's not really saying I can't be in a relationship if I hit something like my sofa or ask someone in public why they're looking at me.  What about when the people all said I can't have the relationship when I could?  Moving in my chair seems to be feeding the frenzy.  So what?  That lady was up to no good anyway.  I didn't hurt anyone.  I wanted to get away.  And when I hit the table, I hit it no more for I have a computer sitting on it.  I have a stress relief toy.  I do it sometimes just to prevent things from happening to know I have that outlet if I feel bad, like a comfort.  What do you do when you are upest?  I know the mascot for this decision about taunting me is from someone who's often notorious for being in a bad mood and in language, which strangely has come to an all-around total halt due to older age?  So what?  My dad and sisters still think fondly of their alcoholic dad who passed away long ago.  Their mom is grumpy all the time and says, "Oh, nuts," and is rough.  My mom was being rough the whole car ride.  I found when I don't feel good and can't remember how to deal with things, I'll "deal with it," so-to-speak.  "If you want something done, you must do it, yourself."

Let's just talk about the chair.  I scooted up in it.  It was probably my subconcious because the lady was sneakily annoying me by moving in the chair behind me touching the one I was in.  So what if it squeaked by accident?

OK, OK, so I seemed in a bad mood.  It was cold outside and I was crazy on what to do.  It started off, too, if you are interested, when I made shuffling noises with my feet to negate a weird secret message, like in a dream state.  They were making fun of my dad.  Well, they tried to say I was like him, like they were "in the program" cuz my mom was driving all nasty.  The n word came to mind by accident and shouldn't have when my mom seemed to wanna see me naked.  I didn't mean it and was fine in a way.  My mom wouldn't stop being incessant about that I had to be like my dad and not her in a bad way, the bad ways.  The whole drive over!  I could sense it and I didn't wanna.  The whole drive was like "a trip."  So, I come out.  My mom had acted like she could not trust me, already.  I go in.  I sit, I'm fine.  My mom sits far from me where we usually sit, too?  What did I do?  The n word thing?  That's because people are watching me.  I don't seem to think it much alone outside.

I didn't hit the table with my computer on it.  That's mainly what this was about.  Go set some rules, now that it's too late.  No one ever said I couldn't shuffle my feet nor ask why someone is looking at me like I'm nothing.  The chair thing happened when these kids kept making little agitating noises that I could not have a relationship for asking why someone was looking at me.  Imagine if a little girl did what I just did.  She'd be a hero.  This is like the rape case where the guy goes to jail for life whereas the murderer who turned himself in gets rewarded for only 27 years.  What if they caught him before turning himself in?  What about when the people executed a guy who came in with a positive attitude but was a murderer?  Not all murderers get executed.

Also, it's none of your business if I make a statement.  I didn't do anything violent.  What about those boys making little agitated talk like I can't have a relationship and threatening to spread the rumor?  I can't have that.  Moving in my chair didn't help that way.  I wonder why I did it?  Just like the other things I do.

Then, I proceeded to zip my zipper up loudly when it was my turn.  That wasn't like throwing a magazine across the room.  What about all these other people in relationships who led a life of havoc??

Apology

Was I supposed to recognize something different that someone else might think it who has a right to?  If you want, I take it back.  It's not what I meant, tho.  You can do as you like in how yu treat me or avoid me for this.

The people watching me get mean and feel they have to talk back.

Why won't they be quiet?

Liar, you're pretending I'm backtalking someone.  You sound so tacky and annoying and I'm tired of your excuses.  You're just setting me on edge.  Go do it to someone else?