My dad is switching between thinking it's important to be nice to me and that I should be "deleted."

Also, they are setting aside someone else or others as taking over and me not having what I earned in life and in my reputation.  People are just annoyed at the clothes I wear and stuff being poor.

I thought I was on better terms.  Wonder what went wrong.  It seems they have to feel this way, like my life doesn't matter how it used to.

I agree..

..my dad keeps flaring up with some nasty thoughts.

Feeling Bad But Better

I don't feel m*****ed after eating.  Too bad I said so much, but it was hard to describe.  I hope it's for the better.  It is a Problems blog, after all.  I didn't try to be nasty.  I foresee more in the future.

Let's not criticize how many posts - but sum it up and say why make me feel m*****ed?  Not "because he's yir dad."  Some people don't like their parents as much as others in that way.

They're still being mean to me.

I don't wanna be turned on like this.

I don't want to do this.

If my dad does something that means he can't get close to someone does not mean I suffer the same way.

Things won't work out with me and others cuza my dad.  Like, they think I'm kinda touchy feely like him.  You know, those men who wanna touch you who you don't wanna touch them.  He can be nice, but he doesn't chose to be.

I think I made a big deal, but why do I feel so bad around my dad when I'm trying to function?  He's so often mad and steels feelings from me.

If you don't love me, you need to take a step back and leave me alone.

There, I did it.  Get this foulness outta my life, this constant blaming and fingerpointing in secret to where I can't get a hold of the problem and say to stop cuz it's all done in secret and I get yelled at and "thrown out."

I can see now why they did what they did.  Still, I get to decide how much I have to be with someone.

You can't do this to me.  You're bad.  See if you can live with that-

I don't need this person's nose in my life nosing at everything.  I don't even want them in my private life.

I feel like m***********.

We are more who we developed to be as children and teenagers than simply a product of our parents and families.  You can be that way but not me.

I'm not here to be played with every day by people with cameras and mics around my room.  It's my life, and I'm here to get you off.

This person should not be involved in my life.  How could I go to school or work or function with these things slowing me down?  I do not need to be warmed by them.

I don't mean to be mean but I really felt m*****ed.

I know this person is not as personal but attempts to touch all of me in a way I don't like anyone to.  I don't like the judgements that are placed on me that I'm just like my mom or something and there to be played with like a toy cuz I'm not like that.

And if you have a big problem how was I so so rude unjustifiably?  I just said the kinds of phrases most say.  I am being totally insulted by someone to feel stimulated in hatred.

So, I'm not getting close to anyone as in letting them touch me in ways if I don't want them to.

I don't want to be thought of being like parents and ancestors in bad ways.

Someone is trying to stimulate me with too much attention from some people.

I guess no one cares about me if I'm left to this criminal.

See, this person is just a problem to me.  I have no need to talk to them.

I don't ever want this person/these people in my private life.

I want this feeling to stop and go away.  I feel like hurting myself and d**ing.

My last post is in reference to a secret crime message, very immature.

I don't even wanna play with you so get your hands off me.

People won't stop messing with me.  Sometimes, I don't wanna feel something from someone and it's insulting.  I am also getting immature death threats in secret message.

This is important.  I feel r**** or m*******.  It wasn't like this before.  I feel threatened it will happen no matter what I do or where I go, my parents will follow me, my strange dad.  What's wrong with him??  It's just important.  I'm not making fun of anyone.

They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.

They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.

My Google Chrome is slowing down.

Problem

Someone is getting people not to be close to me and one in particular has thrown in the towel as a person.

They made it take a long time for my Ello to load on the choice browser.

They're wasting my time too making me stop and think about what they say, which is just mean stuff.

They are talking meanly to me and wasting my time.  They are talking about how I pressed a button when they were manipulating something on my computer.  Now, it's funny when I type.

cont.

Like, they insist on things that linger as negativity.

I think someone is making someone mean to me cuz they got me upset when visiting.  It's not a "smart" idea, and I can do whatever I want and you started it.  Everything they do has a negative message.  I'm not just someone to be played around with cuza my "failures to find success."

It's interesting how you expect the desired effect for your actions.

Problem

They're acting like someone all the time and in a way I don't like.

When Evil Does It

I thought of something bad sorta on autopilot to my dad.  I don't mean it, but it helped quell my anger.  Same about the people experimenting on me but not as bad.  I'm very sorry and would like real help to get better, not "I can't be happy/okay about myself for a day."  That will happen every day by accident if I'm treated so badly.

They are acting mean but like someone, too, which is the thing they started when I woke up and was waiting for breakfast.  I said not to fight me and not to invade my life, but they refuse to listen.  They again think they have something on me, but I think/feel I have something on them for sending mean secret messages.  On my Facebook page, I said, "Please speak now or forever hold your peace."  No one cares nor finds it, I bet.  All I did was take off an outlet of them for communicating to me annoyingly that was unrelated.  So what?  I didn't do anything I shouldn't have.  They did..  I did even take that back!  At least the anger of it.

I figured maybe I was being punished partially via giving attention to someone else.  I hope my mom did not just k*** me.  Okay, so I was not okay with it.  But I was gonna try and accept that people do this.  Maybe, someday, it won't be this way or someone else won't have to do it.  It's fine to pay a lotta attention to others, of course.  What else can you say?  I just think it does seem a bit heroes-skelter.  I wish we could just be normal and not have this underlying drama.  Some of it does not make sense, like the way the people who run The Voice are.

I say one day not like this, but I do want the person to be active in her desires or in the world and my life.

I just want to be good in a way among other things of course.  I don't see what's going on..  You can't get mad at me for weird reasons, like flunking when I'm a good person and student.

Why are you bothering me?  Everything you say hurts me.  I could get sick.  I already am.

Why does that intimidate you?  Where are you from?  I have to look out for myself, just wondering why I sound intimidating.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

They sent me another message just to make it so I see it and you don't.

I don't need you in the shadows telling me a successful relationship is undeserved.  I understand you are socially inept.

I am upset at what it is, and they acted like it's my Gramma again saying "it must be re-Lated."  Well, it's not okay.  And yes that's the message I got from her.  Now, what's relating?  Stop making fun of me like it's some big, interesting exchange of drama where I'm bemusedly in trouble suddenly to perfect your world.  I'm here to get thru to what needs to be gotten thru to.  Not to be superstitious.

After I finished all that, they reveled in tossing it away and insulting me with something new..

I see I'm being teased and called s*** by my mom in secret message.  I figured out what it really said, that we need to la dee da follow me around when I iconize someone and give full reign to a certain person.  It's the la dee da that doesn't make sense.  I will not accept it as punishment for cursing about noises in my room, so I hope that's not what it is for you all but think it is in a way for some.  So..tell me why I should be sorry and no one else should take back what they did to me.  I don't need someone marring the rest of my life because of their being uptight and hating of life.  Come on, I need to be able to deal with this.

Why is my mom keep on insulting me?  What kinda mom is that?  Is she crazy?

I know who did this just makes fun of what I do for fun like what I say means nothing.  Why is this life for me?  Why is this so easy to talk about?


And no, as my mom asked, what I get does not automatically go to someone else.

She just pulled out the laundry thing loudly and I am worried it could eventually injure me, her taking out anger of her cancer on me!  Thanks to you others who actually don't care and did it!  You are mean to me!  I felt something in my brain.  I feel threatened of I make a sudden move to get her back and show her who's in charge of me.  I don't have the city to fall back on..


I don't wanna be that close to these people, my parents.  I didn't try to be.  It's sick.  Some other people are kinda like this.  Sometimes they make one side stimulated like they're getting back and saying I'm shit for telling someone my skin was 2 different colors.  That's just what they're doing, I'm not in spite at the people I told for that.

My mom keeps waltzing around insulting me like this person means all that and I mean nothing, what she's doing is all I'm saying.  She is just a spiteful, crazy, blaming lady who is convinced she is perfect.

And stop suggesting things to me like maybe I want someone else to take her place, especially someone who's rubbed in in a way I don't like.  You already know I don't like that and are k***ing me.

She keeps making noises in secret message that are really mean.

I will not be governed by my parents nor someone else saying everything I do goes to someone else.  I make my own achievements.  I am not spoiled and a brat..  No offense to anyone, but would you mind?  You know what you all done in my past?  I have several reasons for not liking this.  I don't wanna do this so you "have my dad's back" etc.  I don't do it cuz I know it's just an insult inserting this person's name.

I'm not saying my mom is just a bad person.  She just has a hard time.  I don't believe most people can just be bad.  Maybe, they are moral slobs with just someone like me, tho, which also makes me not wanna believe it.


What have I done?  I don't work??  I'm trying to be a performing artist.  You don't even want me back in college much less think I could work a minimum wage job when I am used to desk work.  The medicines made me go over the cliff.  How will i get better now?  I don't like being stuck in my room with my parents about the house.  I wanted a career or some way to function living with them, but I can't have that.  It seems I should stay here for now, but I used to tell people college was bad and asked about their getting higher degrees but about my decision to spend time with my parents and live at home.  I did go to college here at first but stopped after I failed after a lotta work at an easy community college.  I don't have a note to get back in, neither, and it's the easy college.  I wanna go back and study online.  Summer is coming up and I can't go to Disney then.


I've been trying to respect everyone, but I am apalled at what I keep getting back from someone.  I feel people find me apalling, as well for being a bit overweight.  You don't do that to everyone who's overweight.  I think someone or some people helped make that someone apall me, as in like disappoint and "hurt my feelings" if you know what that means you all still..  Life is coming to an end for some of us and for others it's just at its peak of responsibility.  Obviously, I don't like how time flew these past 10 years and how hectic it was.  I don't know what needs to happen.  I'm just saying.  You can say that you've become cooler as time went on.  I am upset about death myself, but people die by accident.  We probably have souls in the afterlife.  I'm quite sure.  There are always other things to do..  Look, I'm just trying to talk things out some.  My mom was kinda hurting me really, like it's cool, like someone agreed she should get back and fight me for "what" I said and "what" I've done.  People here and in other places attack me.  I can't get back at them.  I won't take this s***, tho.

To close off, I just am trying to lead an okay life.  Look, there's an explanation for everything.  "Look on the bright side."  Heard of or remember that??