Problem

They won't leave me alone.

How do you explain this?  This proves they are bad.  Someone must have agreed that the experimenters bother me.

What right do you have to talk to me secretly?  What if we don't like each other or I don't take to you exactly?

Help!

They made me very upset this morning.  I ended up going thru the word "k***" but set apart to represent it to something else.  I feel as though I can't trust people.  All the really cool people condone me.  I can't get out of this sassing that someone I trust said something mean to me via secret message some other person, be it the people experimenting on me.  I'm just kinda mad in general.  I know it's not just to help me.

I ended my note on that other people are nice to someone but not me, racially, not that the person did anything wrong.  Well, not that someone else did, neither.

Why don't you quit monitoring me?  You're a criminal.  And you're making fun of how I say it, too.

If my old friends don't have to talk to me but still seem to overshadow my life, why do I have to have *** with or be m******* by my dad?

Look at all these people who threw their life away for him!

No hard feelings.

Maybe, you're not mean?  I am worried it is all for my dad.

You are wrong if you think I don't have problems with my family.  You think I should be punished more for having a good family because it's easier to be good.. but they play around with my private life with others.

I don't know how to decide if something matters.

It's all secret messages.  Like, normal things that are okay but are put there to mean something else.

The "Dishonest" Label

You'd say it's right to be nice, but instead you act like I need to be punished when I've done nothing wrong to you nor at all in a way and I'm 28 years old, an adult.

It was another of those things lodged in my brain to do, to think that.  I'm very sorry, but I was being slammed at mentally incessantly and it was hard to make a counter-judgement.  I'm sure the police would agree in this case.

What should be done with me?  What I do is done and is bad but not on purpose.  My thoughts when they slip.  My therapist doesn't say much about it but says that I'm schizo.

They are abusing me and letting everyone else run freely.

If all you care about is messing with 1st impressions, you will never get anywhere.

How am I supposed to control my thoughts?  With people banging in secret messages?  Sometimes, something comes out without my moderation.  What is that?  I really don't mean it.  In fact, I was onto being nice to someone.  You know what was said?  "You can never have them back."  On the spot.  When I was hanging my head in shame, they suddenly say that.  To make me feel even worse and like I can't be sorry or something weird.  That could have contributed to this.  Like, you can't be sorry.  Just trying to block you out thru any means.

What I Meant

Was that fate would turn around and bite them in the butt for the deep cutting and incessant insults thrown at whatever becomes important in my life for no good reason at all.  I guess my dad just wanted that fate to say something else.  He put it in my head to make me look guilty, on a flow, to be like his mom.

Why are there thought police?  I probably don't mean what I think nowadays.  Someone else did it.

cont.

I also got the fruit.  It's strawberries in chocolate mostly and pineapple shaped in a bouquet.. and 3 grapes on a sticks.