I'm so sorry for if I should not have said anything.  I'm sure there was something good I should say.  I dunno really what others think of this.

I had a phantasmagoria when I was on pain killers for my spine for 12 hours in bed trying to sleep.  I heard Dr. Phil or someone telling me I want this now that now in lapses, in between.  I have been trying to exercise not doing this/relaxing.  I cannot get a hold of those thoughts.  I just wait as if for the Messiah.

Maybe alas it's time to rest.  I am ready to have fun.  I guess it'll be a 1 person party.

Why are people racist to me?  Aren't there things other than that to notice?  I'm not the only type of monkey.  It's like I'm offensive.  Why am I talking back if others don't suffer racism?  Just been wondering.

I feel like I'm being teased about something I didn't do.  I'm so sad.

I guess I should not have had anything against anyone now.  What is done, what I've said, no one cares when they should be outta this mess.  I can see it coming.  I mean when I say I have a problem with something.  None of this was like this before.  I stand in general where I stand.

Too late to be sorry, waw waw waw.

Sorry?  It was partly me and maybe partly just an accident.

I like being Caucasion and attractive.

Why did you pay attention to me but just get mad too easily?

What's do cute and convenient in disowning me if something upsets me?

Why are people who love to California so mean or annoying?

You don't have to pay attention to me.

Just tell me what I really say so I can fix it.  If no one can do that, ya'll don't care.

Supposedly, I don't know whose fault it is.

It doesn't matter if I don't get attention, but I don't like this game of people pushing me around.  It's also like feeling I'm a failure.

Why are people mean to me when I get the attention I need or appreciate?

Why are people telling me what I ^really^ said?

Why have I lost at least 3 relationships to someone being other people's "spitting image" in the situation at least racially?

I was trying to be quiet but guess that does nothing, "relatively speaking."  I am trying to avoid talking about someone, but this seems to be happening in general and of interest.

If I Could Do It Differently/What I Did

I don't wanna be bothered for petty mishaps and felt ashamed.

I guess I'd try to forget about it.  There's nothing to think.  What?  Oh, I see, it's a discipline tool.

You just wanna be mean to me all the time.  What if that happened to you.  Don't give me none of your nonsense.

This just proves  you all actually think this is an opportunity to be racist.

So, tell me, how would you feel if it was you being picked on when  you think you're staying popular by picking on me, anyone?  This is outrageous and outlandish.  I am getting messages from Ellen via people right and left supposedly cuza my dad, which I won't accept.

Apology

I came home from college sick.  I was startled with a laced insult.  I got mad but missed a lot of the targets.  I understand if you think I'm unfit.  You don't have to pay attention to me.  Sorry, for the targets I sorta got.  It was a mistake, a known one at the time.  I just didn't know what to think and was too late but after didn't think anything.

Contest

I could get confused by you and do one thing wrong and I'd be out.

Ellen DeGeneres

I find her "unforgiving" in an impersonal way, and she'd think you were making fun of Hitler if you said she herself has things that would then not be forgiven.  I think she's the type that's afraid to dip her toes in the water.  I don't like how she's like my dad secretly getting into others's business.

By saying she is unforgiving I'm not implying perversion but the basic fact that if you do something wrong you're out.  That really wouldn't be convenient for her, almost perfect she thinks other than not forgiving others as Jesus said, a simple task in everyday life.

Then, she follows the new ways of people like my Gramma, to "leave no stone unturned."  People are allowed to be upset, especially if someone is trying to hurt people.  Can anyone prove me wrong?  If you could, you should not be mad at me and hurt me emotionally.  Then, you'd simply relapse into the saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  I mean relapse as in you'd think this and then forget what I just said.

I refuse to live in a world where your mouth only remains in a simple smile.  That's not this world.  I don't think Jesus smiles much.

So, ya, anyone can help me with this?  You know how to come in contact with me (like my forum.)