I guess it was a big accident.

My dad left me hanging.  I was thinking how normal people can fun @ curse words, like construction workers, army, etc.  They think they are so smart.  My dad on purpose bothered me in secret message about touching someone, surprised me.  I thought of cursing again more carefully and it came up but not in context of a sentence.

I'm so sorry for if I should not have said anything.  I'm sure there was something good I should say.  I dunno really what others think of this.

I had a phantasmagoria when I was on pain killers for my spine for 12 hours in bed trying to sleep.  I heard Dr. Phil or someone telling me I want this now that now in lapses, in between.  I have been trying to exercise not doing this/relaxing.  I cannot get a hold of those thoughts.  I just wait as if for the Messiah.

Maybe alas it's time to rest.  I am ready to have fun.  I guess it'll be a 1 person party.

Why are people racist to me?  Aren't there things other than that to notice?  I'm not the only type of monkey.  It's like I'm offensive.  Why am I talking back if others don't suffer racism?  Just been wondering.

I feel like I'm being teased about something I didn't do.  I'm so sad.

I guess I should not have had anything against anyone now.  What is done, what I've said, no one cares when they should be outta this mess.  I can see it coming.  I mean when I say I have a problem with something.  None of this was like this before.  I stand in general where I stand.

Too late to be sorry, waw waw waw.

Sorry?  It was partly me and maybe partly just an accident.

I like being Caucasion and attractive.

Why did you pay attention to me but just get mad too easily?

What's do cute and convenient in disowning me if something upsets me?

Why are people who love to California so mean or annoying?

You don't have to pay attention to me.

Just tell me what I really say so I can fix it.  If no one can do that, ya'll don't care.

Supposedly, I don't know whose fault it is.

It doesn't matter if I don't get attention, but I don't like this game of people pushing me around.  It's also like feeling I'm a failure.

Why are people mean to me when I get the attention I need or appreciate?

Why are people telling me what I ^really^ said?

Why have I lost at least 3 relationships to someone being other people's "spitting image" in the situation at least racially?

I was trying to be quiet but guess that does nothing, "relatively speaking."  I am trying to avoid talking about someone, but this seems to be happening in general and of interest.

If I Could Do It Differently/What I Did

I don't wanna be bothered for petty mishaps and felt ashamed.

I guess I'd try to forget about it.  There's nothing to think.  What?  Oh, I see, it's a discipline tool.

You just wanna be mean to me all the time.  What if that happened to you.  Don't give me none of your nonsense.

This just proves  you all actually think this is an opportunity to be racist.

So, tell me, how would you feel if it was you being picked on when  you think you're staying popular by picking on me, anyone?  This is outrageous and outlandish.  I am getting messages from Ellen via people right and left supposedly cuza my dad, which I won't accept.

Apology

I came home from college sick.  I was startled with a laced insult.  I got mad but missed a lot of the targets.  I understand if you think I'm unfit.  You don't have to pay attention to me.  Sorry, for the targets I sorta got.  It was a mistake, a known one at the time.  I just didn't know what to think and was too late but after didn't think anything.