So, yes, I think I'm not much of a person.  In a way, I really try if possible.  I'm pretty good for a Eurasian with an obese dad, but my dad seems more like a tired, sorta lackadaisical obese, not I.  I mean in some ways I probably share some of the same ways of being.  I tell my dad to shape up for his own good.

Question

Why should my happiness hurt -anyone-??

About Before

What I said I hope does not all stem from that which I am not supposed to talk about.  And am to ignore??  Sorry, if I gave anyone a hard time.

Issues

I just watched Dr. Phil and felt suggestions of guilt of things I've said but just for saying them.  I only posted more clearly but carefully on "what" when I was incessantly attacked, in my opinion.

If you don't like me cursing, you can't tell me after I seem to stop if it mattered before just to make me seem guilty cuz lotta people curse don't get in trouble or nothing.

Lotta people who weren't involved specifically in one thing I did tend to start anew and test me and get me off without really giving me a chance.

It seems that sometimes you should talk things out some.  It seems that me trying to avert punishment for the nature of what I've said is the thing that gets them.

When I go out here in Orlando, people can tell specifically what I'm thinking.  I don't try to share these things, but they seem to surface themselves to them.  So, that's why I post them here.  Things probably unravel themselves and are worth putting down.  These things are not attacks.  They are panic attacks.

I am curious.  I think they just wanna get down me in trouble and probably make others happy for convenience of situation in the process.

Before I started cursing for a time on my blog, I was treated like the star of the world.  Now, I'm made fun of and put down constantly.  How pathetic, just for cursing when I'm the one attacked.  I did stop cursing!  I didn't get the message to stop.  They just wanted to see how far they could make me upset.  They just roll their eyes and don't know what to say to that.  I don't know how else to describe it.  They just look aloof and condemning??  It's what I said, they are trying to get me to do things that only certain people disapprove of, that isn't wrong.  Today at supper, I ended up thinking so what if someone did some really bad crime, doesn't mean you can be mean to me.  I thought that crime specifically but did not mean that literally.  What's the use of thinking of that like that?  I had posted something related recently.

I think people are against me because of my race, really.  Sorry to disappoint, but some people are.  Don't encourage me to think about it and try to get back in my thoughts.  I'm trying to ignore it.

I think in the end, I'm hated on for my age not being neither young enough nor old enough.  They want one group of people or one individual to get everything forever, like something about them is of higher esteem and quality.  When they get categorized into a group, they jump out of it and want something else, everything, too, it seems, so that others feel they don't deserve what they had, neither, when it's important.

People put me up to things I don't deserve to have and make me feel uncomfortable about getting any of anything like it.

Why is who I am defined only by my behavior?  Race?  Afraid I'll start being better when someone else is a different race?

I am upset I am not accepted by some people.  They keep being mad at me for when I didn't know they really wanted me to stop cursing about putting these annoying noises in my room.  They were being very mean.  There was no reason to begin with.  That probably made me even more mad, not think at least it's not my fault, just get mad.  The effects are spreading.  No one really knows me.  Why should anyone have to suffer this?  I know all these things are done to me cuz of things that were supposedly unfair to others or things that have nothing to do with me.  Why not get mad at the other older adults who did them?  I already explained why I cursed and that I wish I didn't.  I had a reason.  You all just wanna invade my privacy, along with "getting rid of me."  Well, if you think about it in one way, no no one "has" to like anyone.  I mean just anyone, since everyone is in such competition.  Why like me?

What can I do or say to make things better?  I wasn't that mean.  Maybe, I could've said it better, thought more.

I feel I'm being made fun of for sounding like I'm pleaing, too.  I don't have to be seen like that racially, pleaing like I'm that weak 1/2 Chinese girl.

You seem to wanna talk about that certain something yet also not.  So, I dunno, think I shouldn't.  Why does all this to others seem to stem from that?  I'm trying to not talk about it.

Problem

In recent years, my dad has been acting like he has breadth over me, when he's usually always been very respectful not to do that.

They keep trying to have the last word in.

Also

They keep rubbing things in only for me to unravel them and deny them for being tacky.

They're acting like I was never the one and someone else is successfully.

How is he justified?  I bet ya'll actually think under him saying when you also think something against me.

So, what's he do?

I see him, but at work I bet people have him under control.

I'm sorry if someone is hurting you.

To clarify, what if I'm not playing the game that to make others safe I have to suffer punishment of being mean to me cuza my dad or another person?

I think ya'll're just have no credibility.  You only want kids who are still teens born around 1997-1998, people who are all white, with a young dada.

If someone's not white, you attack, too.

You all keep beating me and I don't beat you back and I post it on here and where can I turn if people I know go crazy about that fact?

Report of the Day

I feel drowsy.

I didn't really outwardly have problems with my parents.

Sorry for my fuss I must produce on here earlier.. I feel over it.  I don't know about later.

Why do you do this to yourselves?

Problems

I just took a walk.  The suggestions won't stop..

Dad's home, time to eat, more to put on the plate for this place (blog.)

How am I bad?

These negative messages seem to be having a domino effect.

here

home

I might've gotten more mad here.

This is all pretty laid out factually.  I am trying to avert this place.

You never know what people mean.

It seems to mean you're outta your game temporarily.  It might be a detached message from you that means nothing against what you believe but your problems.

My Race

You aren't supposed to mention it, but I like to sometimes.  I'm not suddenly okay liking Chinese because someone with Italian blood shows up.  Disclaimer, I do like Chinese like anyone would.

Another Fact

Not only does it matter who it is but are they competent to talk to someone so much.. I guess like a teacher of one class all year?

Paying

If they do it, it is like way prestigious, but it might just be taking out anger.

I think 1 reason

1 would use it was to, not only get rid of me, but to make prestigious people feel comfortable that I'm not just prestigious meeting prestigious people and to get at me for nothing.  What liars.  I do want friends.  This isn't friends.

Paying

Why am I interacting with strangers who tap into my room and computer with speakers, cameras, hacking, etc.?  Is this a trap?  What if they are rubbing off on me in a way I don't like?  I am not saying this all of a sudden but wondering about when it last started in 2012, which is a long time.  What about when it happened in 2005?  They stopped in 2005..

Do I have to say this, too?

You only don't want me to talk anymore it seems because I tried to improve on that, and this catastrophe may take baby steps for me.

So, I'm 2nd class.  They are on the defensive.   I don't know how else to make my point and say this but elevating someone as "princess."   I can almost see people, they are getting at me like I prevented someone from being "princess."  Someone used to treat me like a star.

Well, it's true, some things really aren't worth it.

Now, my mom is messing around with her ruitine with me.  Among other things.  How is that okay, for my family to do this?

They won't stop.  They want a relationship severed.  They're still making up stuff!!

How can I make things better?  I don't feel I'd get a direct answer to this question.

Wouldn't it be interesting if there was a real reason discussed, like why ya'll get so mad if I find an issue to talk about of a certain someone and situation.

I don't want what these people to do to ruin my life and anything in it.  All I did was say what happened, tho it wasn't fun.

Problem

They are acting like I'm whining and whining as though I were a made up version of my dad.  They are bothering me.  Looks like they don't care.

They're still messing around.

Do I need to "pay?"

Why does everyone in public keep calling me a marshmallow?

Why are they invading my privacy?

cont.

I just got an outfit in case I get on Dr. Phil..

They are sending me more messages..

Problems

There is 1 notification on my Facebook and they took awhile to load this.. I am saving for a new computer, too..

cont.

shopping for a hat

and they are picking on me for feeling guilty - ARGH

They are doing something weird on my computer.  I'm shopping, and the Go sign pops up 1st on the side.

Ya'll haven't really developed a special reason for getting upset every time I post something here.

I'm so sorry if it has to be like this.  Yes, I am fending for myself like a mature person.  I am not trying to become insulting.  Remember the heading of this blog??

I think they are busy tossing things to like hassle with me, like, "Oh, what if no one famous gave you any attention."  And so what about this, "What if I got attention.  Ha ha ha ha."  You could just in the end not really pay any attention to me, and I'd deal with it.  What if I said I'd prefer one person over another now but maybe later "get back in the game with other people being a fan?"

Problem

I DON'T LIKE THIS PERSON BOTHERING ME VIA THE COMPUTER, MAKING THINGS HAPPEN AT CERTAIN TIMES

And like I said

it looks bad on her (part.)

So

The problem is I have someone fighting me.

He said what he said.

Why does my dad follow my thoughts of saying, "in pain?"

Do you have any friends?  I'm not asking sarcastically.  I'm thinking of something abstract.  Like, I guess if I want friends I have to take turns and listen.

I welcome ya'll into my life.

You already said what you said.  What exactly is it you wish you had?  Don't waste your life bothering me.

I don't agree

that I should be punished to begin with.

Problem

My parents are getting close to me in a weird way with symbolic messages left around the home.

I know who all's behind this.  Why do ya'll keep being racists?

This person is being promoted.

Problem

I'm am being harassed and bullied daily by someone younger.

Does anyone just have an allergic reaction to things being posted across the internet??

Problem

People are working on distancing me from some people and harming me.

Problem

People keep acting like I'm bad.

OK, come on.

Don't be afraid to talk.

I can see that someone tried to punish me using someone else to get attention when it's my turn.

My life is hard.  People do weird things to me.  One wrong thought, and it could end up going just like that.  My dad made me think something I did not think later on, too, thinking I'd think it, anyway.

What should I have done?

I'm so sorry!

I guess I am wondering why my parents are being suggestive for someone nice.  Not to talk back at anyone, but it seems sneaky.  Like, everyone is just scared to be nice to me.  I'm not scared to be nice to me.  The suggestions make me wanna recluse from others.

You know, no one will think this is perfect.

Wah ah ah

I was trying so hard to be good, and if I get thrown off it's a big deal.

We aren't supposed to hover around the mention of my brother like that.

It's not nice of him to tease me and then claim he did it to make me look good.

Weird

So, my mom has delayed speech and thought.  I was all excited trying to be nice, and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.  D:

So, f..y.i.

My brother is a little crazy, not that it should matter for this, but like acts like he's all the things I'm not and don't wanna be.

I cannot tell you how upset I am.  My parents keep being suggestive.  Supposedly, someone nice told them to do it.  It's not working out.  It's making me feel bad.  Sure, you just look in and say walk away, but it don't work like that.  I just asked her, "Why?"  I'm telling you now why it's upsetting.  I don't wanna fight, but I feel that people are trying to make my life even worse.  GO GET A LIFE!  :|

So, my parents are being suggestive to me now and I'm not sure why.  It did make me upset.  I know what they really mean.  I already said I don't give a care about what old ladies think, "Ooh, a punishment must be related."  I didn't do anything.  At least not originally.  They are sending me those mean secret messages, again.  They think that I did something, but they did something.  It was even as silly as telling me to put something somewhere.  On my brother's chair.  He is nothing like me.  So, I asked, "Why?"  So what?  My mom was being a grump.  She keeps irritating me.  Also, she doesn't act excited when I come home, and I think someone made her do it.  Wow, doesn't matter.  She think she's all that.

I should just be happy.  I mean, it should like, how would you say it, "go over my head?"  I am so happy, but I wonder what that punishment thing is.  Cuz I'm fat?

Edit

Heading

Apologetic

It cleared the way for a good evening.

I guess I did the right thing.

I said I wasn't mad at someone.

I should have overcome.

Apology

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'm a little stupid, like I'm running out of ammo or something.

These people in my room are so mean.  I was thinking that these messages must all be suggestions.  I don't like a bad relationship via my parents.

Please stop.

They have a "stupid question."  No, I don't mean anything against anyone.  I'm just saying what they're doing to me.  Trying to make me feel like I'm bad.

Sorry

My parents came in.  My mom was acting weird about my chicken I cut up.  Then, my dad, and I felt uncomfortable.  He understands that..

Problem

My mom was kidding around again, she's like "2 days" like I'm punished, acting dumbfounded.  My dad has a useless, annoying thing about 1 day he acts like.  I don't do anything.  If I don't wanna talk to my parents a certain way and too much is up to me.  So, I barely did anything, and my mom did that.  I live with them.  She was pretending she was being cute and that someone else told her to tell me that.

Someone just took a dump on me.  Threatened me again.  Bet it won't stop.  But they think someone said it I don't want to say it moreso.  No one cares about the wrong things others say.  I don't listen to it.  Why are you slowly giving me these messages?  It seems pointless for my life, at least.  My life was stolen from me 10 years..

Is this a slip of the tongue in the process?  It's not fun being tested like this by all these people.  I just said no, that's the answer.  You said  you were doing it just to test me.

So, to clarify

I have to say no to the marshmallow thing going on forever.  It's wrong, and I didn't curse at anyone nor get mad.  Well, maybe a bit upset.

I was wondering who all did it.  Supposedly, just happened.  It seems mean, even if you think I got upset in the wrong way for something else.  It's very annoying.  It's like it won't stop.  Everyone's doing it.

I would not think something silly like I am bad to say this.  I am merely reporting and giving my opinion.  It seems serious and important.  We just had to waste a few days.  So, what, that's life, right?

cont.

I noticed they don't act nice for the other person but are being mean to me now.  Like Heathens with their mouths open and teeth bared making hissing noises bouncing around.  Why do I keep seeing this image, anyway?  Right now, there are 3 or 4..

Chasing & Flooding

It seems if I post that someone did something they chase after me.  They keep on saying something.. rubbing it in.  It shouldn't be so.  It's about how in liking others that I already have 2 parents.. I also live with them.  I just wanted to report it.  I am not gonna fight or whatever.  Everyone knows it's wrong.  It was okay to say, but someone/people are incessantly threatening me.

Also, everyone keeps acting like I'm a marshmallow when I go out.  People were acting like I wasn't white at Christmas at the movies, and it was funny I figured they were all the s word, tho I wouldn't do it again unless I lost my mind or thought it was funny again for some unknown reason.  It probably reached other parts of the country and world.  So, I won't curse, but no I do not take that whoever started it.  People are uncomfortable.  I see there could be a reason, and I could let it slide.  I think it's a bit dangerous.  Is it for m********ing?  I'm sorry about that, but I mean that was supposedly a private thing, my therapist even told me.  Someone has to m********* and then something like this that has no ending known when I got out?


Also, last night I explained I didn't want anything against the person concerning the 1st thing.  I can't believe I don't go over and make sense to anyone.

Am I Mad

Not at the person I'm talking about.

I'm not mad at anyone I know of.

I just noticed I was being mistreated.  I can't get people to stop treating me like I'm not white for real, no matter who started it, and people won't leave me alone morally.

I can see that all the innocence is saved up for this person, whom I in a way have nothing against.  She just sits there, basically, and waits for her turn to build up while my life seems to be wasting away in that light.  Maybe, you can sleep on a stone floor, but I chose not to.  I'm not trying to make a fight with any person.  Why am I saying this?  Because it's important!  It's serious!  I'm not trying to fight.  I'm just talking like a normal person.  I was doing what you just did.  Trying to make a point using things that happen to be disagreeable.  It was a smart revelation that other people would like to talk about, maybe not you individually all of you.  Lotta people, tho.  I am not the odd one out who does not participate in the nature of my own problems.  I am sorry if I am just a failure and disagreeable.  I didn't say I was fighting..  I just mean it's good to notice.  It might even be important, and for some reason it can go on this blog.

Time to Talk?

There's this person who just goes online and says anything and it's okay.  I sit here putting up with this mess.

I found these people are literally taking a dump on me.  Oh, and they are threatening me.

Look, who's doing this new stuff now?  Whatever was said, I can see they are playing around on my part like bullies.  I realize everyone is against me and everyone knew about it.  What of it?  For this spinoff it was 2 things that made for an interesting way to continue a message.  They really are mean to me in private.  They are saying things in bad ways.  I don't wanna put up with this.  No one else does.   I'm just saying what they did and my opinion.  You already did what you did.  Now, they are teasing me for posting about this.  It's incessant.  You might think it's a simple message, but I have a dangerous person/people in my life.

How out of place..

to say "in my face?"  No, I obviously don't mean it that way if you happen to know anything about me.  I don't know what to do.  This is serious.

Why are you making me look bad?  You keep rubbing something in my face that's serious.  It wasn't right or this time was weirder/superfluous, but I don't wanna fight anyone, and I don't "dislike" anyone.

Point being.. I don't want to say anything out of place, whatever just happened.

So, here's to say sorry.  I guess the details were to identify the issue.

I think I'm at risk

I never get treated right.  I am at risk of thinking nothing matters, like morally.

Not trying to fight, but I mean what I mean.  If I have a hard time explaining something unimportant does not mean I will listen to old ladies that "it must be related" into trouble for me, like being in trouble.  This comes up with everything all the time.

I am officially worried.

I am being prodded about things that make me mad.  Anything could come.

They are attacking me again.  They won't stop!

I came up with that it's not some drama including me between my Gramma and people who don't know me well in my extended family.

My dad has destroyed my relationship opportunities.  Admit you fell for it.

Problems

THEY WON'T STOP.

They keep making my mouse show up the hourglass sign randomly.

Problem

THEY  KEEP BOTHERING ME.

They made a video not play right in the news on my tablet.

Problem

My dad was feeling bad and got so nasty in thoughts I had to leave the table and brought my "crackers" with me, my dried up Triscuits.

I was thinking for him to stop mediating my relationships.  Don't listen to other people on what to say to me.

I'm really sorry I was so mad and get so often confused and sometimes things come oue that shouldn't have been.  Please, find someone else to talk to you like.