I just watched Dr. Phil and felt suggestions of guilt of things I've said but just for saying them. I only posted more clearly but carefully on "what" when I was incessantly attacked, in my opinion.
If you don't like me cursing, you can't tell me after I seem to stop if it mattered before just to make me seem guilty cuz lotta people curse don't get in trouble or nothing.
Lotta people who weren't involved specifically in one thing I did tend to start anew and test me and get me off without really giving me a chance.
It seems that sometimes you should talk things out some. It seems that me trying to avert punishment for the nature of what I've said is the thing that gets them.
When I go out here in Orlando, people can tell specifically what I'm thinking. I don't try to share these things, but they seem to surface themselves to them. So, that's why I post them here. Things probably unravel themselves and are worth putting down. These things are not attacks. They are panic attacks.
I am curious. I think they just wanna get down me in trouble and probably make others happy for convenience of situation in the process.
Before I started cursing for a time on my blog, I was treated like the star of the world. Now, I'm made fun of and put down constantly. How pathetic, just for cursing when I'm the one attacked. I did stop cursing! I didn't get the message to stop. They just wanted to see how far they could make me upset. They just roll their eyes and don't know what to say to that. I don't know how else to describe it. They just look aloof and condemning?? It's what I said, they are trying to get me to do things that only certain people disapprove of, that isn't wrong. Today at supper, I ended up thinking so what if someone did some really bad crime, doesn't mean you can be mean to me. I thought that crime specifically but did not mean that literally. What's the use of thinking of that like that? I had posted something related recently.
I think people are against me because of my race, really. Sorry to disappoint, but some people are. Don't encourage me to think about it and try to get back in my thoughts. I'm trying to ignore it.
I think in the end, I'm hated on for my age not being neither young enough nor old enough. They want one group of people or one individual to get everything forever, like something about them is of higher esteem and quality. When they get categorized into a group, they jump out of it and want something else, everything, too, it seems, so that others feel they don't deserve what they had, neither, when it's important.
People put me up to things I don't deserve to have and make me feel uncomfortable about getting any of anything like it.
Why is who I am defined only by my behavior? Race? Afraid I'll start being better when someone else is a different race?
I am upset I am not accepted by some people. They keep being mad at me for when I didn't know they really wanted me to stop cursing about putting these annoying noises in my room. They were being very mean. There was no reason to begin with. That probably made me even more mad, not think at least it's not my fault, just get mad. The effects are spreading. No one really knows me. Why should anyone have to suffer this? I know all these things are done to me cuz of things that were supposedly unfair to others or things that have nothing to do with me. Why not get mad at the other older adults who did them? I already explained why I cursed and that I wish I didn't. I had a reason. You all just wanna invade my privacy, along with "getting rid of me." Well, if you think about it in one way, no no one "has" to like anyone. I mean just anyone, since everyone is in such competition. Why like me?
What can I do or say to make things better? I wasn't that mean. Maybe, I could've said it better, thought more.
I feel I'm being made fun of for sounding like I'm pleaing, too. I don't have to be seen like that racially, pleaing like I'm that weak 1/2 Chinese girl.
You seem to wanna talk about that certain something yet also not. So, I dunno, think I shouldn't. Why does all this to others seem to stem from that? I'm trying to not talk about it.