Disagreement

Someone is being more disagreeable with me, like she has something to get back at.  I said not to fight with me.

Issues of The Day

Before I go off and shower, I thought I'd leave the bait like animal who sits and waits for its prey!

My dream would be that people would possibly and and talk to me, but I know this gets out and people I know can read it and might think about it for when they see me.

Okay, 1st off, I'm not up for believing I am in trouble and am not sure what's going on.  I do know that I cursed about the noises in my room, but a lotta people curse people out even.

I'm sorry about the complaining about someone.  I'll try and not have that happen with anyone, no debating or anything.  :/  Lotta other people have their say and the other has no strength to come back.  People just attack me for no reason.  They're all vague and pointing fingers around in the air.

I got wind of a yes or no from someone gyping me to look silly even talking about it.  I will not live in a non-Democracy with this person risen to the top up to no good.  See, can't I say that and not have someone take it the wrong way?  What I mean is I don't need to be told I'm not all that and that supposedly I am now like everyone else when I don't wanna be.  I know it's not good to bring up those things, but here it is.  Maybe, this is just rubbish.  I can't say nothing has been happening.  It should not get in the way of my life, wondering if mentioning it in some way possible is okay.  I can't make it seem all positive, and obviously neither can that person.

What else?  My dad started driving to bonk my head on the way home.  My speech was slurred after that.  Um..  My dad never does that.

Yea, so my mom has been seeming like upset I made her sick.  I think Orlando is the ultimate cause.

Um.. Sometimes, we think of funny things that make you think of things that you should not think just because of it.

About the car, someone else was in on it with my dad, so I don't know.  It's probably a lotta people.

Also, why is my relationship off and on about someone else, like something that doesn't need to happen?  I don't find this person to be totally with it.  They seem a bit weird.  More specifically, I find them other things I cannot describe.  I posted something on my Facebook I can't find.  I remember kinda what it was.  I don't know if it's worth trying to explain.  I'm upset I can't find it.  Well, the person deleted it.  I can't find it.  She is being kinda unfriendly now because others made her.  Now, that is not acceptable at all.  What you think I am?  I did find this person is trying to keep others from getting attention and for no good reason.  Someone else may do this, but still same opinion.  Why do I get the feeling people wanna play a game and say I'm insignificant and puny?  I just try to be nice, but this person is trashing my dignity and reputation.  I never started anything with this person.  This person is becoming an adult.  I don't mind if she has nothing to do with me for her own decision and good.  I don't like other people totally cancelling out to the point that it's bad stuff against me, like "I'm getting attention that way."  I see people are watching out to make sure everything she does can be better than me and that I become worse.  Apparently, however, it's hard and they're having trouble.  I mean, being snide is not nice.  It's not right to chase me down like that.  Like to make sure I become bad and sad when I try not to already even.  That's not what's going on.  Everyone is different, and there are ways you could be just like me but better, maybe, without bothering me.  See, you don't even wanna be like me.

Well, for now that seems to suffice.  I care about everyone and I care about people in need, as well.  I will try to alter my life to become more aware of what I can be aware of, which will lead to other things.

If you want attention, reach for your dreams.  We all can try and figure something out where we win.

You say you have to be mean to me?  Why are these "accidents" coming to light in regularity?

My Reaction

I was sad and upset and don't really wanna hear from untamed people what they think of the word I thought of someone used.  They were messing with my mind, like I couldn't ignore it.  Sure, you can reassure someone else that they are loved, not really a punishment and I don't need one..

Also, I am not the one that needs older women in my life pretending to be my disciplinarian "mom.."

I know you like a check in.

2 things.

I thought of a word someone used, and my mom wants to mess with our relationship with a creative excuse.  I don't even care about that word.  She was messing up my thoughts and tho she fed it to me too I learned not to go with bad thoughts and to relax outta fighting.

I was upset at someone for hurting me for fear they will be hurt by people who just hurt people.  I don't mean it, but I detest the situation and am trying to ignore it.

So, no, I do not want for either thing to have happened and hope things don't happen like this in the future.

Why don't you be nice to other people yourself, too?  I mean go out of  your way to actually talk to them yourself, too?  I don't know you are claiming to make fun of someone.  Like they need friends.  Is it serious?  They are not totally mean people..

I think I am being made fun of for how old my dad is.  They think it means they can "treat me like s***."

IMDb - The Soapbox

Does anyone ever bother you?

All the time. They make fun of my relationships, like I have any, how immature. Strangers, some people who came into my life/Facebook.. People just spot me out and I get sent some secret messages, somehow.

😣

Also, there are people watching me in my room controlling how the computer loads to send nasty secret messages.

😧 

These people controlling when things on my computer load to send specific messages somehow are really ridiculous.  They "won't shut up."

They keep making me think of bad things as reminders.

Why are people still fighting me?  Will it die down if I stop talking about it so much?

Also, you can't tell me what to do anymore than I can you.

Problems Problems

First off, I'm sorry if I came off as rude to someone.  It was unintended to "start" anything.

Let's just be friends in the end.

Are there any problems, anyway?  I don't have problems.  My dad doesn't have problems.  My mom doesn't have problems psychologically and is physically getting better.  Why would you think to respect my parents and not me?  Why tell me I'm weird.  I'm not.  I'm afraid other people are - people, people are just different.

I was not trying to hurt anyone but just keep them from being able to go in and take care of my life.  You can't come at me with weird jitters and things all of a sudden.  They are invasive the way they are.  We didn't have problems before.  Why can't you talk about it on a blog or do what you really want?  Most people don't seem to have a blog.  That's where your calendar of writing and thoughts go that you put down.  I don't mean to blab on, but I myself am very sad I didn't blog when I could have a the start nor publish a journal.  It just wasn't in it for me.

I didn't do anything wrong by nature and the way other people are.  I don't want this to go on.  You all said I did stuff I didn't do.  Don't even try to fight.  You won't even let me speak.  I'm not being sarcastic.

Anyway, sorry about all this happening with me and others.

I'm not having turned over life to someone with a problem complex about it, how insulting.

I'm getting a lotta attacks, maybe because of someone who lied about how mad they weren't.

I'm not sure, I'm getting messages via my Facebook News Feed.

They "made it friendly" (word captchas) like they wanted me to call someone the n word and now the whole world can know.

Every time I post now

I have to click yes I'm not a robot.  It's cute and it has a picture.

Edit

I tagged my last post Big Problems.

Problem

Someone is setting people in my life a distance from me but can still get up and smile and calculate they deserve something.

Problem

You are not doing a potato a favor.

I know what you did.  Someone is against me.

People keep doing things to hurt me that they say was just so happens, but now they are fooling that it's not.

You can't hover an drop in on my life and ruin things of it and insult me and get at me for what you did wrong.

OK I solved my problem.  I think I've been heard, tho.  I'm sorry I was a bit inappropriate.  How am I always in trouble?  Guess I should ignore it..

I need help.  I'm tired of seeing someone on Twitter every day being pushy and shovy and agreeing I should be punished.  I get this awful feeling.  I just can't stand it.  No one has a reason to be mean to me like that!

So what if someone sent me torturing my kids as a message while I watched the Academy Awards live?  I can think of being mad if I want.  It just happens!  I don't even care!

Problem

I don't want my tacky Gramma in my life telling me only I need to be punished, sending messages via my dad and causing my body to feel harm via noises.  I don't care how powerful they are.  They don't do other things they could.

I was ridiculous.  I feel better after sleeping and other things.

Sorry

I am trying to practice more reasonable respect.

I was upset about being made fun of for my supper by my parents and got upset briefly on the inside.  I'll try to fix myself.  You don't have to pay attention to me when you don't want, of course, or if you don't.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Bad Night Now

Maybe, I was up later.

People both experimenting on me and attacking me as people secretly is happening.

It's going downhill, more things happen every day.

I see my dad clomp into the room with his act.

The love got taken away. I just disagree with things, like that I can't enjoy Frozen..

I get irritated by people and feel my life is just thrown away, maybe cuza my intruding dad messing up every day! I'm tired of his attitude. I bet he and his mom gave my mom cancer. Maybe an aunt, too, the older one. I gotta ask. Usually, they were nice to me. They are twisted liars, the lotta 'em. They think I'm bad for turning them in.

I try to feel emotion, but people take it away! I didn't ask for it. 

I'm left po'.

OK, you want me as the bad one.  Ain't gonna happen.  I know the answer.  You're all mostly wrong.

Why do you even have to do those things?  I don't wanna be in trouble cuz there's nothing to do.

I DON'T WANNA HEAR OF THIS

Are you all slowly turning on me in fear of my dad?  I said not to do that.  None of what you all do makes sense.

SO WHAT IF A BAD WORD OR ACTION HAPPENS IN MY HEAD THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE GET OFF MAH BACK

Put it this way.  I don't seem to have anyone much less my own life.

You all should not be acting like this to me.  I could get a physical problem.

STOP ACTING ALL INNOCENT

These people are lackadaisical and don't know what they're up to and have listened to nonsense.

I will not listen to my dad and part of his bemused "family.."

I can't do any of this to you.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM

Quit it.  You got nothing on me.

You're not gonna stop huh?  Well it's too late now.

You gonna stop fighting me?  This is illegal.  I may tell my therapist more about this see if she gets it.  I could call the police about the computer thing..

I don't believe I deserve to be punished.  I am too old.  I don't want this sneaky treatment.  I'm gonna tell my therapist.  Also, I didn't do anything wrong altogether.  Anyway, you did.

I don't want your fighting.  This other person and people it's obvious are s***ing up for the wrong reasons.

Well, I figured one thing out.  I don't like people playing around with me especially in the wrong way.

I did get mad on teh inside and had a cutting thought, you know the cutoff.  I just really don't wanna be blasted at about this oh so conveniently, literally messing into my life for something they did you think I could not match and do, like I'm not even allowed to deny this.  You all are too judgmental.  It's not perfectionism.

Apology

Something made me upset and I do not accept it.

I will not accept this treatment of anything of that nature.

I don't want to find my dad at the dead end thinking he can force people to be mean to me cuz I'd call the police.

Weird

Blame someone else in confusion.  I calmed down in a way in and of itself.

How can I not be mad, anymore?  I try to keep to myself..  They kept "talking" in secret but mean in reality it feels in secret.

What's too late for me?

You blame me for being mad at me, but I'm not being bad.  You just bring up some insignificant thing from the past.  Think of all the really bad people and good people who mess up.

So, I can't make you happy if my being good makes you still mad at me.

I should be thankful people care for me and I have these nice pills..

I feel so broken up.

Like everyone is mad at me for mistakes and feeling bad.

I just remembered I "flipped my lid" when I was made fun of for liking something and even thought worthless things of someone in my family, my mom.  :(  They kept inflicting things like d**** on me.  Not exactly, but it went by so speedily.

Oh no!

In the process of "getting out my anger" I didn't mean to hurt any one!  And hopefully not anyone.

Twitter

Tonight's the finale of my Design Challenge on HGTV. You're not gonna believe what happens at the end. I promise it’s not what you think.
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) March 2, 2015

See, doesn't this seem laced with insults?  She keeps doing that.

She said "not" to be annoying twice.

So, yes, then people are nice to bad people.  I don't think they didn't pass some test you did about being warm and fuzzy to some people.

as in chicken, like nervous

Peaceful?  Yer chickens.

Get it?  It's not!

NO IT'S NOT

You fight me!

What's so impressive about violence?

I don't wanna be close to my dad.  I felt affected.  They said he gets to "play with my babies" because I thought of the k word.

So, where I went wrong was..

(1) the word k*** came back to me cuz it was just said and for my dad giving me a feeling I do not ever like from him
(2) I was upset with someone because of a stupid supper

My dad is letting in irritation thru the cracks.  I don't wanna be in troble for his crass.

Okay everyone, this person keeps bothering my mom.

I am upset about my mom.

No one said they were originally mad at you.

No one has the right to get at me.  Are you just..

YOU be happy

Why don't you squeak in another area?

I already could die cuza you..

I haven't felt like doing the dishes, recently.

My parents have been agitated recently.  I don't want my mom to die because of you.

It seems pretty obvious to me, 2 people.

Who is safe to say makes problems?

If you act like that, you're at risk.  Life is unfair to others moreover.

I know what happened.  I was just in the kitchen and my dad was acting meanly, now triumphant the word k*** came to mind and they thought "Gramma wouldn't like it."  Well, they just thought of the word with me, the other parent.

WHY WERE YOU SO MEAN TO ME AT SUPPER

I am so mad I could rip something apart.

I'm tired of your selfish lying and schizophrenia.

WHY DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME

Do you wanna sit here all day with people telling you you can't have this you can't have that just to be bemusing and with no fact connected that you can juggle and no way of totally just ignoring?

All I found is it's a bother for other people who say this.

Just ignore him and I'd have less problems.  I don't believe I've been treated with respect as a poster online.

Admit it.

My dad is a problem, even when I am over 18.

You shouldn't be having all the cool people look ugly to me in glasses and beards and mustaches.  That is very selfish.

What did I do wrong?  No answer.  I will not be subject to my family all of a sudden in this world, like it's the new popular thing.  You all don't have to pick up on bad things from your parents and as a family like this.  I am independent.  I have a strong dislike for getting close to my family in a lotta ways you don't see to respect.  I will not be rounded up as a Barrett in "the Barrett family.."

Yes, I realize some people are monitored to be safe.

Nice Girl..

Anna Kendrick.  I wonder what goes on in her thoughts sometimes.  Like at the Academy Awards..

Unsolved Being Upset

So Sorry.  Maybe, I was hurt, but that's always the excuse.  I'll wait for the next blast from the past.  :(

Kids today don't deserve to be able to treat me like this.  How am I guilty?  Little things and weird things don't fully count.

So, I'm letting out my anger without foul language and without relying on acting annoyingly in real life.  I'm trying to avoid sounding mad at certain people or anyone if possible.

I was happy, but people come in mean.  I shouldn't have to put up with this.  You're treating me like an abuser.

I know people are mean to me to make others comfortable, but that shouldn't be for me.

Why does my dad hip hop in fibbing about his nature with some close, negative message for me?

The Circle of Apology

I partially just realized someone might be doing this I don't wanna fight, but I am not sure and know it's bad or just a coping mechanism.  It seems like I got hurt me in the process.

They always have some problem for me to wake up to.  I will not take this!!

They're setting me off to think the sound is shredding at my body like I'm American.

They're playing Buddhist humming or something I think but cuza being Chinese and I don't like it.  It's my mom's, but I know why they really did it now.

Tired

Is anything wrong?