Woah!

My mom woke up and kept at it, secret messages in the sounds she made.  I accidentally thought of the term "piece of s***."  Then, I just realized, she kept doing it and more words came to mind that I tried to gloss out.  I can't seem to think without the curse words, as of an encounter with a few people in 2009.  I just have to sift thru my thoughts somehow, but I don't mean the nastiness in those terms.  I know I was set up to think the and then to get in trouble for it.  I didn't say it.  I was doing my laundry.  The sad thing is she was just being tacky and got mad I thought for her to leave me alone.  It's just a warning sign to let me gain composure.  I don't know why when I see my dad or mom I forget to ignore them.  That's my strategy.  I was doing hard labor.  It's harder to think then!  I didn't mean the words.  What about me being bugged?  You think it's just "trash?"  Or doesn't matter?  I am quite certain the curse words came to mind because the word "trash" did deep in my subconscious.  It's an inappropriate term lodged in from things like teachers when I was a kid/preteen.  I know it makes other curse words come up just to avoid it.  When I ignore people, I tend to think that what they did was the S word.  I am not talking to them but myself.  They somehow know, tho.  I don't think anyone else gets in trouble for cursing.  I don't mean it, but it comes up when no other feeling will in its place and meaning.  I'm so sorry.  Maybe, my mom didn't mean anything.  I need to get this straightened out.  It makes sense to think "what" someone did as the S word but not your parents.  They might be that way, but you don't say it.  It might come up "in the heat of the moment."  My dad and mom keep putting stress on me when I'm with them so I can't think and just hear their insults and keep thinking, "Leave me alone," and, "Stop."  They think that's bad, I swear.  So, then, the next insult comes.  I don't mean it, but I can't seem to deal with my thoughts when I'm there.  I do gloss over the curse words and say to myself quickly I don't mean it.