Why did you pay attention to me but just get mad too easily?

What's do cute and convenient in disowning me if something upsets me?

Why are people who love to California so mean or annoying?

You don't have to pay attention to me.

Just tell me what I really say so I can fix it.  If no one can do that, ya'll don't care.

Supposedly, I don't know whose fault it is.

It doesn't matter if I don't get attention, but I don't like this game of people pushing me around.  It's also like feeling I'm a failure.

Why are people mean to me when I get the attention I need or appreciate?

Why are people telling me what I ^really^ said?

Why have I lost at least 3 relationships to someone being other people's "spitting image" in the situation at least racially?

I was trying to be quiet but guess that does nothing, "relatively speaking."  I am trying to avoid talking about someone, but this seems to be happening in general and of interest.

If I Could Do It Differently/What I Did

I don't wanna be bothered for petty mishaps and felt ashamed.

I guess I'd try to forget about it.  There's nothing to think.  What?  Oh, I see, it's a discipline tool.

You just wanna be mean to me all the time.  What if that happened to you.  Don't give me none of your nonsense.

This just proves  you all actually think this is an opportunity to be racist.

So, tell me, how would you feel if it was you being picked on when  you think you're staying popular by picking on me, anyone?  This is outrageous and outlandish.  I am getting messages from Ellen via people right and left supposedly cuza my dad, which I won't accept.

Apology

I came home from college sick.  I was startled with a laced insult.  I got mad but missed a lot of the targets.  I understand if you think I'm unfit.  You don't have to pay attention to me.  Sorry, for the targets I sorta got.  It was a mistake, a known one at the time.  I just didn't know what to think and was too late but after didn't think anything.

Contest

I could get confused by you and do one thing wrong and I'd be out.

Ellen DeGeneres

I find her "unforgiving" in an impersonal way, and she'd think you were making fun of Hitler if you said she herself has things that would then not be forgiven.  I think she's the type that's afraid to dip her toes in the water.  I don't like how she's like my dad secretly getting into others's business.

By saying she is unforgiving I'm not implying perversion but the basic fact that if you do something wrong you're out.  That really wouldn't be convenient for her, almost perfect she thinks other than not forgiving others as Jesus said, a simple task in everyday life.

Then, she follows the new ways of people like my Gramma, to "leave no stone unturned."  People are allowed to be upset, especially if someone is trying to hurt people.  Can anyone prove me wrong?  If you could, you should not be mad at me and hurt me emotionally.  Then, you'd simply relapse into the saying, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  I mean relapse as in you'd think this and then forget what I just said.

I refuse to live in a world where your mouth only remains in a simple smile.  That's not this world.  I don't think Jesus smiles much.

So, ya, anyone can help me with this?  You know how to come in contact with me (like my forum.)

I said I was sorry but was very mad.  I know this plan was made because of something I did where I was mad, too.  Why don't I have the right to be mad?  I like my dad, but he is mean.  I get mad.  How can I deal with this nonsense?

I don't really know what to say.  I didn't mean to be mean to anyone.  Too bad that word "k***" keeps coming up, but I don't mean to end someone.

Sorry for the mean thoughts?  Looks like you already got back, tho.

Yer always mean to me.

You all don't process information.

Seriously, you all are just being mean to me for my dad.  DUH THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

It's all too often.  Why do I deserve to have these things brought up with me?

They are randomly saying things that bother me.

STOP ANNOYING ME AND THREATENING ME.

OK get this, this person is mean to me.

I should go back to bed.  I can't even relax with all these insults.  Why are they now getting me mad every day?

I'm not here to settle the childish qualms others can't resist displaying towards me, such as being mean to me when they think I could have done something just absolutely perfect.  If you make me mad was not because I did it on my own!

LEAVE ME ALONE

Problem

They won't leave me alone.

How do you explain this?  This proves they are bad.  Someone must have agreed that the experimenters bother me.

What right do you have to talk to me secretly?  What if we don't like each other or I don't take to you exactly?

Help!

They made me very upset this morning.  I ended up going thru the word "k***" but set apart to represent it to something else.  I feel as though I can't trust people.  All the really cool people condone me.  I can't get out of this sassing that someone I trust said something mean to me via secret message some other person, be it the people experimenting on me.  I'm just kinda mad in general.  I know it's not just to help me.

I ended my note on that other people are nice to someone but not me, racially, not that the person did anything wrong.  Well, not that someone else did, neither.

Why don't you quit monitoring me?  You're a criminal.  And you're making fun of how I say it, too.

If my old friends don't have to talk to me but still seem to overshadow my life, why do I have to have *** with or be m******* by my dad?

Look at all these people who threw their life away for him!

No hard feelings.

Maybe, you're not mean?  I am worried it is all for my dad.

You are wrong if you think I don't have problems with my family.  You think I should be punished more for having a good family because it's easier to be good.. but they play around with my private life with others.

I don't know how to decide if something matters.

It's all secret messages.  Like, normal things that are okay but are put there to mean something else.

The "Dishonest" Label

You'd say it's right to be nice, but instead you act like I need to be punished when I've done nothing wrong to you nor at all in a way and I'm 28 years old, an adult.

It was another of those things lodged in my brain to do, to think that.  I'm very sorry, but I was being slammed at mentally incessantly and it was hard to make a counter-judgement.  I'm sure the police would agree in this case.

What should be done with me?  What I do is done and is bad but not on purpose.  My thoughts when they slip.  My therapist doesn't say much about it but says that I'm schizo.

They are abusing me and letting everyone else run freely.

If all you care about is messing with 1st impressions, you will never get anywhere.

How am I supposed to control my thoughts?  With people banging in secret messages?  Sometimes, something comes out without my moderation.  What is that?  I really don't mean it.  In fact, I was onto being nice to someone.  You know what was said?  "You can never have them back."  On the spot.  When I was hanging my head in shame, they suddenly say that.  To make me feel even worse and like I can't be sorry or something weird.  That could have contributed to this.  Like, you can't be sorry.  Just trying to block you out thru any means.

What I Meant

Was that fate would turn around and bite them in the butt for the deep cutting and incessant insults thrown at whatever becomes important in my life for no good reason at all.  I guess my dad just wanted that fate to say something else.  He put it in my head to make me look guilty, on a flow, to be like his mom.

Why are there thought police?  I probably don't mean what I think nowadays.  Someone else did it.

cont.

I also got the fruit.  It's strawberries in chocolate mostly and pineapple shaped in a bouquet.. and 3 grapes on a sticks.

cont.

My aunt just sent me a really cute teddy bear holding a strawberry dipped in chocolate that I like.  My dad may mess with me getting cute gifts "just because 'it must be related.'"

Problem

My dad won't stop pounding mean secret messages into me when I got up and came out to eat tonight.  I didn't really mean it, but the thought came out that maybe he or someone else would get it..  I'm tired of their incessant giving in to meanness towards me for various things that aren't bad.  You know, these thoughts keep processing with me.  I didn't remember to actively ignore the beatings I felt in my head from his making noises taking out the garbage.  He even looked at me snidely when I woke up.  If other people are disposable, than so is he.

They won't leave me alone and get on with life.

Why do people respect my dad, when I am just living my life, they play games and bring him into mine.  No one has *** with their dad.  And I'm NOT talking about older men, neither, to have ***.  It's a no.  I would only do it for the tradition.

My dad won't stop being rude to me periodically and then ricocheting back.  I feel reverberations from the past before.  He does it in a way no one here tends to notice.

My dad keeps acting like I'm bad.  The normal response would be..  And don't threaten to attack me because you know what the next thing is.  You all won't let him be nice to me.

For some people not even wanting to have any kids, you sure have strange dreams and ideals set up for your life and in your mindset the eyes of others.

Something Normal People'd Like to Know

Does someone have a problem with me?

Lemme guess, my dad?  Well, he doesn't have a right to do that.  Another certain someone?  They don't know enough to.  Not by me!

People are being lazily sneaky with me.  Really, just look at this.  Ever since you kicked me outta Music Education, you've been onto "sneaky."

I can see the satisfaction these actions can bring.

I am left alone in the dark with people pelleting things at me.  What if I said no to you?  My life is set to be perfect for me.

So

I did some thinking, sorry, and hope for a better day tomorro'!

Apology

Today, it started out 2 black girls, one very obese and one very short were tagging at me like I was nothing tho.  I shoulda just realized they were colored and not get mad in that way.  Sometimes, I don't know what to do about things like that.

Apology

I was trying to talk about someone nicely with my dad, but I had some thought of restraint from them.  I will try not to.

Apology

My head really was damaged, that's why I yelled, the movie theater was a 3 ring circus at the Sponge Bob Movie.  My chair was bumped like 5 separate times.

I'm sorry I acted out in uncontrolled ways at the psychiatrist.  I didn't know what to do but for some reason thought I might do something.

I am very sorry I went straight to the source so-to-speak in wondering if someone nice damaged my head.  I'm sure there was a reason, but I don't have the guts to do that to someone.  I tried not to be vicious, but it came out maybe that's why I was so mad, that someone so nice would do that.  My head!  I'm sorry, but my head.. I am trying to be sorry.  I feel something is missing.  Oh yes, I want to figure out why I seem so mean to someone else.  I guess I should submit that I was stupid but not purposely mean.  Take whatever restraint from me you must for whatever was not meant to be.

:(

Well whoever.  I don't mean to say it's someone who didn't do it.  I don't wanna attack people for being mean to me, neither.  It just ends up in a fight.

Problem

I will not have my world controlled by a wacko mean person, one who intimidates my relationships but not who usually does..

Today at the movies during Sponge Bob a lady walked behind me who was fat with a very large rear end.  She hit the back of my chair and it hurt my head.  I yelled at te people in the food part and they sent someone in.  I had just came out earlier to tell on the cough chain with mostly little kids.

My dad is giving me a hard time again, thinking I can't have a relationship cuz I was mad they mighta did it.

There's not really saying I can't be in a relationship if I hit something like my sofa or ask someone in public why they're looking at me.  What about when the people all said I can't have the relationship when I could?  Moving in my chair seems to be feeding the frenzy.  So what?  That lady was up to no good anyway.  I didn't hurt anyone.  I wanted to get away.  And when I hit the table, I hit it no more for I have a computer sitting on it.  I have a stress relief toy.  I do it sometimes just to prevent things from happening to know I have that outlet if I feel bad, like a comfort.  What do you do when you are upest?  I know the mascot for this decision about taunting me is from someone who's often notorious for being in a bad mood and in language, which strangely has come to an all-around total halt due to older age?  So what?  My dad and sisters still think fondly of their alcoholic dad who passed away long ago.  Their mom is grumpy all the time and says, "Oh, nuts," and is rough.  My mom was being rough the whole car ride.  I found when I don't feel good and can't remember how to deal with things, I'll "deal with it," so-to-speak.  "If you want something done, you must do it, yourself."

Let's just talk about the chair.  I scooted up in it.  It was probably my subconcious because the lady was sneakily annoying me by moving in the chair behind me touching the one I was in.  So what if it squeaked by accident?

OK, OK, so I seemed in a bad mood.  It was cold outside and I was crazy on what to do.  It started off, too, if you are interested, when I made shuffling noises with my feet to negate a weird secret message, like in a dream state.  They were making fun of my dad.  Well, they tried to say I was like him, like they were "in the program" cuz my mom was driving all nasty.  The n word came to mind by accident and shouldn't have when my mom seemed to wanna see me naked.  I didn't mean it and was fine in a way.  My mom wouldn't stop being incessant about that I had to be like my dad and not her in a bad way, the bad ways.  The whole drive over!  I could sense it and I didn't wanna.  The whole drive was like "a trip."  So, I come out.  My mom had acted like she could not trust me, already.  I go in.  I sit, I'm fine.  My mom sits far from me where we usually sit, too?  What did I do?  The n word thing?  That's because people are watching me.  I don't seem to think it much alone outside.

I didn't hit the table with my computer on it.  That's mainly what this was about.  Go set some rules, now that it's too late.  No one ever said I couldn't shuffle my feet nor ask why someone is looking at me like I'm nothing.  The chair thing happened when these kids kept making little agitating noises that I could not have a relationship for asking why someone was looking at me.  Imagine if a little girl did what I just did.  She'd be a hero.  This is like the rape case where the guy goes to jail for life whereas the murderer who turned himself in gets rewarded for only 27 years.  What if they caught him before turning himself in?  What about when the people executed a guy who came in with a positive attitude but was a murderer?  Not all murderers get executed.

Also, it's none of your business if I make a statement.  I didn't do anything violent.  What about those boys making little agitated talk like I can't have a relationship and threatening to spread the rumor?  I can't have that.  Moving in my chair didn't help that way.  I wonder why I did it?  Just like the other things I do.

Then, I proceeded to zip my zipper up loudly when it was my turn.  That wasn't like throwing a magazine across the room.  What about all these other people in relationships who led a life of havoc??

Apology

Was I supposed to recognize something different that someone else might think it who has a right to?  If you want, I take it back.  It's not what I meant, tho.  You can do as you like in how yu treat me or avoid me for this.

The people watching me get mean and feel they have to talk back.

Why won't they be quiet?

Liar, you're pretending I'm backtalking someone.  You sound so tacky and annoying and I'm tired of your excuses.  You're just setting me on edge.  Go do it to someone else?

They said something suggestive to me, "Christina, may you lose your eyesight!"  That's not how it works!

What if I don't want this cooky person acting all cooky around me all the time with secret messages in little noises in my room and on my computer?  Ya'll think I am not worth anything.  How dare you!  I am trying to calm down.

Problem

I'm 28.  I don't need mean people as my parents.

Problem

You can't mess with what I feel.  That makes people m*********.

Problems

1st, I imagined k***ing myself.  These thoughts against others would/do not do.

So, I got up.

I wanted to say I'm stuck here thinking of things that don't matter.

I can't have my dad and older aunt thinking I can't have a relationship with someone if they don't like some thing I do or if  I do something I in the end/really know is wrong.  So what if I'm in a relationship?  My Gramma thinks so, too.  Stop making me feel guilty.  My dad also has a peeve I should not see my relatives and he was supported in this by someone else.  They are mean people who refuse to show me any feeling.  They don't show it in the right way now that I'm not as inhibited.

OK I'm trying to go to bed.  Sure they will pull something else.   I was fine alone laboriously ironing a full load of jackets and sweaters and more.

Problem

They just made a noise that made my nose feel like bored thru and slimy.  Stop messing with my nose.  It feels like it's elevated with air.

Dear Problems Blog

I thought it'd be a nice night until I felt upset messages when I heard my dad cough.  I didn't mean to think anything that bad.  Trying to feel good about my self and go to sleep.

News

Orlando is droning on how I can't have a relationship.  Someone did disappear in my life because of this foolishness.  No, I don't know who all is really doing it.  More like 2 people.  Wow, to you, people are just monkeys jumping on a bed!

Someone is a bit weird about my dad, a bit of a nuisancy.

Why does everyone have to be such crackers, whatever that means to  you?  Lemmee see what they did about that..   Well, to me it means something that's okay.  We need more terms like that.

some nice Wiki meanings  :)

What exactly is it to you?  Some unfortunate mishap that could have been saved on your part?

It has surfaced

no one wants me to live this life.

Police are such cows.

No one said I couldn't talk to strangers.  I'm an adult!

About moving my chair.  It was them funning I couldn't have a relationship.  I wanted to go outside before that but too cold.  SO WHAT.  Jail me, but quit bothering me!

1 thing I forgot to mention..

..I moved my chair.

OK, time to talk.

Why is this nonsense still coming up?

Please.  Help.

I just don't want these weird punishments.  I chose to make a "public" display.  All I did was say, "Why are you looking at me?"  I could hit something really angry.  Does not mean I give up relationships.  You cannot arrest me for blinking.

I'm tired of this unfair weirdness in my life every day.  I can do what I chose to do with my life.

Someone certainly got in my life.

My Day

I think I will take my 1st college math class (I was in one before but didn't finish) in the summer.  I think I can handle 2 during the regularly timed semester.  I want 1 to be science..

So, something I should probably tell you.  I was at the psychiatrist office, and my mom driving me there kept thinking I had to be like my dad in a disgusting way.  Later on, she acted like this was a deliberate message of punishment, ruining my school life and everything.

In the office, she sat away from the spot I chose, where we usually sit.  Someone came in and scuffled like saying, "So, that's the daughter."  I didn't like that.  I scuffled my own shoes, and then she acted all tacky and triumphant like she knew what I did and who I was and that I couldn't have it, when she herself sent a message by scuffling.  The husband looked at me smiling, and I just looked back and said why are you looking at me.  Later on, a family sat behind me and was saying how I could not have a relationship.  I moved my chair up in annoyance and finally moved over.  Then, the youngest, a boy, looked at me, and I was listening to music and asked why.

My psychiatrist got mad when I told him he misdiagnosed me and kept speaking out against me and saying how my parents didn't have to support me.

Apologizing, Not Begging

I'm sorry I was so upset today.  I tried to not be.  I got some threats that bothered me.  Anyway, it's off to bed.  Not sure if I shoulda mentioned the threats.  At least not like that.

Apology

I didn't know that saying "sh" before part of someone's name was so offensively shocking.  It was in a story.  There was no telling what I meant.  I would do that in a real story, but since this is online and about someone else I did have faint thoughts of disclaiming it as not an insuult.  I guess I figured they'd know I have nothing against them and that it was a joke.  I just didn't know.  I was upset it was considered an insulting thing and to explain slipped my mind.  How would I ever know all these little annoying things would be seen as taking out funning and pleasure against someone?  I had a feeling people would know what I meant.  How would I know?  I thought it sounded cute.  I know now and won't do it.  I even thought of one for me Christina Shitstina.  I almost cursed awhile ago, TBH (to be honest..)  It doesn't bother me if it's just in fun.  I didn't really mean it personally.  It was just a story.  I thought it was.. guess I got caught up in things.  I didn't mean it in an insult in any way.  It shocked me the way this cute trick came out.  I should have picked a new letter combination.  How about like Christina Ristina.  People are finding damage in what I write like I'm making some sort of pattern, but I'm not.  I don't see anyone else out here writing so much that they will get caught.  This is dangerous.  You should not assume that these things are catch phrases when they need to be used for other purposes.  It can get in the way, when you do things like this.  No one will know what to do.  I guess I cannot apologize enough in others's opinions yet still.  I didn't mean anything.  How can I say I'm sorry?  I just picked a weird thing to say just to see if it was okay?  I could not think.  I could have used it on someone else and it'd go.

Why I Said It This Time

I dunno, it seems a permanent part of my life.  Talking it out, it may not help.  It seems some people went wild about me being online and are pinpointing fault in me.

I just felt really bad, that's all.  I like the person.  I just don't like the message others are giving me.  My parents didn't care if I stomped growing up, except probably moreso in public.  They don't like me throwing things.  The world is just so agitated and hectic.

I find what is going on to be suggestive.  I feel even threatened.  I cannot pay for all this.  People are being mean to nice people to hurt me, too, "instead" of just me or with whatever applied to them.

What It Is

Someone keeps posting on my page on Facebook just to secretly annoy me.  I liked someone from Australia, but someone else from there who's weird keeps posting there.  I bet someone else is getting affection.

Problem

They are going back and misanalyzing my past.  I can hit stuff if I wanted without worrying about being punished.  Shouldn't the bad feelings only come naturally?  What business is this of yours?  I'm too old for anyone to judge me and punish me.  I'm only supposed to get kindness at this age and level of maturity.  You shouldn't be making me mad.  If you heard torturing noises and your parents wouldn't stop bugging you in secret, what would you do?  Call the police?  They would ruin the experiment!  These are the things that make me wanna m*********, probably.  No one seems to care, except people who can't do anything unless I post it here.  They keep doing things and I can't write them all down.

Apology

Do what ya'll must, I am so sorry.  For getting upset and being crazy if it happened.. I tried not to post that.  Some of the things made sense, but it's not a normal thing to talk about.  Maybe, there are other things I did not talk about.

Are ya'll trying to punish me?  I'm 28 and didn't do anything wrong.

All these people working for ya'll have one thing that's important to them, that they feel on top.

So, someone is messing with me now.  There are all these negative messages about me.  I shouldn't have to go thru with this.

How does it make a difference if I report something on this blog or not, simply put too.

So, why do they pop up and say mean things that are offensive topics to others, the reaction they are drawing out.

Disclaimer

I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, but I felt affected, about saying something can't happen to me but to someone else.  I see them slowly in a process of having other people do things and not me.  I'm just informing.  Sorry if I did anything or just said anything wrong.

Upset

I'm so sorry if you know how I really felt behind screen.  I do get upset.  You should do what you want.  Am I supposed to be quiet?  I feel I am in trouble all the time for nothing but racism.

Why is talking to me always a fight?  I am speaking in general.

But sorry.  I said you should all do what you want.

What can I do to make things better?  At any moment, anything could be said of me.