I see I'm being teased and called s*** by my mom in secret message.  I figured out what it really said, that we need to la dee da follow me around when I iconize someone and give full reign to a certain person.  It's the la dee da that doesn't make sense.  I will not accept it as punishment for cursing about noises in my room, so I hope that's not what it is for you all but think it is in a way for some.  So..tell me why I should be sorry and no one else should take back what they did to me.  I don't need someone marring the rest of my life because of their being uptight and hating of life.  Come on, I need to be able to deal with this.

Why is my mom keep on insulting me?  What kinda mom is that?  Is she crazy?

I know who did this just makes fun of what I do for fun like what I say means nothing.  Why is this life for me?  Why is this so easy to talk about?


And no, as my mom asked, what I get does not automatically go to someone else.

She just pulled out the laundry thing loudly and I am worried it could eventually injure me, her taking out anger of her cancer on me!  Thanks to you others who actually don't care and did it!  You are mean to me!  I felt something in my brain.  I feel threatened of I make a sudden move to get her back and show her who's in charge of me.  I don't have the city to fall back on..


I don't wanna be that close to these people, my parents.  I didn't try to be.  It's sick.  Some other people are kinda like this.  Sometimes they make one side stimulated like they're getting back and saying I'm shit for telling someone my skin was 2 different colors.  That's just what they're doing, I'm not in spite at the people I told for that.

My mom keeps waltzing around insulting me like this person means all that and I mean nothing, what she's doing is all I'm saying.  She is just a spiteful, crazy, blaming lady who is convinced she is perfect.

And stop suggesting things to me like maybe I want someone else to take her place, especially someone who's rubbed in in a way I don't like.  You already know I don't like that and are k***ing me.

She keeps making noises in secret message that are really mean.

I will not be governed by my parents nor someone else saying everything I do goes to someone else.  I make my own achievements.  I am not spoiled and a brat..  No offense to anyone, but would you mind?  You know what you all done in my past?  I have several reasons for not liking this.  I don't wanna do this so you "have my dad's back" etc.  I don't do it cuz I know it's just an insult inserting this person's name.

I'm not saying my mom is just a bad person.  She just has a hard time.  I don't believe most people can just be bad.  Maybe, they are moral slobs with just someone like me, tho, which also makes me not wanna believe it.


What have I done?  I don't work??  I'm trying to be a performing artist.  You don't even want me back in college much less think I could work a minimum wage job when I am used to desk work.  The medicines made me go over the cliff.  How will i get better now?  I don't like being stuck in my room with my parents about the house.  I wanted a career or some way to function living with them, but I can't have that.  It seems I should stay here for now, but I used to tell people college was bad and asked about their getting higher degrees but about my decision to spend time with my parents and live at home.  I did go to college here at first but stopped after I failed after a lotta work at an easy community college.  I don't have a note to get back in, neither, and it's the easy college.  I wanna go back and study online.  Summer is coming up and I can't go to Disney then.


I've been trying to respect everyone, but I am apalled at what I keep getting back from someone.  I feel people find me apalling, as well for being a bit overweight.  You don't do that to everyone who's overweight.  I think someone or some people helped make that someone apall me, as in like disappoint and "hurt my feelings" if you know what that means you all still..  Life is coming to an end for some of us and for others it's just at its peak of responsibility.  Obviously, I don't like how time flew these past 10 years and how hectic it was.  I don't know what needs to happen.  I'm just saying.  You can say that you've become cooler as time went on.  I am upset about death myself, but people die by accident.  We probably have souls in the afterlife.  I'm quite sure.  There are always other things to do..  Look, I'm just trying to talk things out some.  My mom was kinda hurting me really, like it's cool, like someone agreed she should get back and fight me for "what" I said and "what" I've done.  People here and in other places attack me.  I can't get back at them.  I won't take this s***, tho.

To close off, I just am trying to lead an okay life.  Look, there's an explanation for everything.  "Look on the bright side."  Heard of or remember that??