They had to apparently cut ballet and class athletics at a community college I wanna go to.
It has Music Education. I don't know if I'd have time, anyway with the bus transportation and don't really know of a weekend class. I need time to myself, too.
About This Blog
Bear in mind, a lotta these posts are of interest to normal people. - This is my diary available online to get help from others. I never mean any harm. My thoughts may appear scattered at times, but I bring it together. Some things may not make sense to you..
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
I have a freedom to do what I want.
If in my past I thought all these racists were "s***" does not mean you can be mean to me whatever you want. Yes, it was Christmas.
Problem
This person keeps being mean to me. I was cursing at the noises in my room, and they supposedly did it. It's so annoying, putting up with this person. They just keep annoying me. I think it's wrong. So, what, they didn't even say stop cursing. I was cursing about the noises. Maybe at them sometimes but usually blotted out and not to harm them.
They are like attacking making sure I can't have fun with others. They are hurting anyone like who is important who likes me.
They are like attacking making sure I can't have fun with others. They are hurting anyone like who is important who likes me.
Problems
Someone won't stop being mean to me, simply. They supposedly fessed up to putting annoying noises in my room all day. I was upset each day, and when I stopped they started work at being mean to me.
Who do you think made Bath & Body works stop selling fancy body scrub?
Everyone keeps mimicig me as a tacky person as a toddler.
This someone is being mean to people who are nice to me.
Who do you think made Bath & Body works stop selling fancy body scrub?
Everyone keeps mimicig me as a tacky person as a toddler.
This someone is being mean to people who are nice to me.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Problem
They're being rude to me again.
Okay, so I can't get totally mad, but they are not supposed to do this. This has nothing to do with the person I like, and they are acting mean.
This is leading to my ruin. I cannot say it's okay. I sense danger.
Why can't we fix it? Who's having the tickle?
Okay, so I can't get totally mad, but they are not supposed to do this. This has nothing to do with the person I like, and they are acting mean.
This is leading to my ruin. I cannot say it's okay. I sense danger.
Why can't we fix it? Who's having the tickle?
Upset
My dad kept getting closer to me at the Chinese buffet and pushing me into something, and I said, "Why do you keep getting closer?" I moved 3 times. He pushed me into a short Asian lady. After the Superbowl, my parents left on something they hardly ever expose me to, Bali Dancing, like to rub it in or however you wanna say it. I don't even know if I seen Bali dancing with my mom but once.
Problem
These people watching me in my room making noises and loading the page differently make me feel bad about myself a lot. They were supposed to be friends, otherwise I'd just tell the police. How do you think that would affect me? They make it so I have to sit there and let it go away, every time I go to a new page I don't know.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
My House Is a Constant Battleground
I go out and I hear some random noise thrown at me. Should I take a shower before bed?
The town went crazy cuz I spoke assertively against someone looking at me racistly. I don't like how people do that to me.
The town went crazy cuz I spoke assertively against someone looking at me racistly. I don't like how people do that to me.
The Day
I saw my dad acting gruff and looked at him upset like I caught him.
I thought of a word I should not have and later realized I shouldn't be mad now just cuz I was before and not at someone else just because of something else.
I saw some people and didn't think they looked too friendly and was like oh should I treat this other person like that?
I have a sense of foreboding of them doing things to remind me later of what they thought was wrong.
I thought of a word I should not have and later realized I shouldn't be mad now just cuz I was before and not at someone else just because of something else.
I saw some people and didn't think they looked too friendly and was like oh should I treat this other person like that?
I have a sense of foreboding of them doing things to remind me later of what they thought was wrong.
Another Rule
This person I was mad at would never hurt me intentionally, might make mistakes and do it anyway, but isn't really bad.
All That Will Come Out
Is that I am in danger anyway. Let the slave pass. LOL? I mean about my nose. Forgive the sinner, it's only a child and has no plan. BUT it was a dangerous situation and should not happen. It seems like you could always find fault with someone. What if I did that to the secretary? Would I be in trouble? Yes..
Let me know if anything is offensive cuz I mean no offense. I'm just describing something and found things to say. I was trying to, at least. It depends on how you take whatever and personal preference. Dunno.
Let me know if anything is offensive cuz I mean no offense. I'm just describing something and found things to say. I was trying to, at least. It depends on how you take whatever and personal preference. Dunno.
What do you want me to say?
"Oh, it's okay, you're worth it, you can affect people to be uglier." You smile at cute boys who grow facial hair for you to make me upset because of some thing I did.
My Nose Is Messed Up
I think someone did it cuz I stomped my feel around when I saw them. I was sleeping in the doctor's, and the secretary managed to make my nose wide. My Gramma also ruined it. Get outta my bu'ness, I can stomp my foot until kingdom come. Maybe, I don't wanna act like that, but I did it when it was safe. Better not be mean to me cuz that's why I got mad and did it.
Did I say anything wrong? I dun' who all dun' what. I do have a guess, I admit. I don't mean to sound rude. As for saying it, it is my nose. It was getting slimmer. The rest of my body was getting better. You all reuined it. :0
Did I say anything wrong? I dun' who all dun' what. I do have a guess, I admit. I don't mean to sound rude. As for saying it, it is my nose. It was getting slimmer. The rest of my body was getting better. You all reuined it. :0
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Think of all the time
that these other people are always having an attitude. They just "know" it's okay for them. I know I didn't start whatever caught your eye. If so, you should leave me alone. You never leave me alone and are mean to me.
O Boo Hoo
All the bad things I have done.
Wonder what's next.. Now, I have to remember to be smart. What does that entail in thee experience? Just try to be more appropriate so nothing sticks out. Maybe, enlightenment will follow. Don't panic, most important. *Eyeballs look right and left in dark*
Wonder what's next.. Now, I have to remember to be smart. What does that entail in thee experience? Just try to be more appropriate so nothing sticks out. Maybe, enlightenment will follow. Don't panic, most important. *Eyeballs look right and left in dark*
A Nuisance
He kept smiling trying to think I submit to him. Why is he in my life again? Sure, I'd want a healthy relationship. Wasn't I independent?
Serious Talk
Why doesn't my dad go "touch" someone else? I'm no more worthless. None of what's going on is right. Maybe, he should touch himself. :( I'm not serious.
What's not right is the idea that just because he's my dad I should be susceptible to him when I already fit in in the world.
What's not right is the idea that just because he's my dad I should be susceptible to him when I already fit in in the world.
Unfair Social Life in My Life Somehow
I fear everyone, the people experimenting on me, might now jump on the bandwagon with whatever anyone mean wants to do to me or what my dad does.
This post is addressed to whoever finds it interesting. Also, it worries me, like I have to notice it myself at least. I can see this like this huge.
This post is addressed to whoever finds it interesting. Also, it worries me, like I have to notice it myself at least. I can see this like this huge.
People Being Weird to Me
I don't need insulting secret messages. My parents. Also, I'm 28. No one cares about my situation.
Suffering in Private
I put up with stuff from certain people in private.
I think I just did what I was told, too, but they still got mad.
I don't get it.
Why be so harsh on where my thoughts take me, tho? This is making me uncomfortable. What could happen next?
This is just hyperactive psycho-ness, and in general I would not pay any mind.
This is just hyperactive psycho-ness, and in general I would not pay any mind.
How You Roll
Why are you testing me so much about being in the moment? Like, if I mess up a thought it's over.
I had a pretty good night late last night-
I awoke to some sensitive communications "that I can't have" basically a relationship with someone cuz of something I did.. when they slyly put something into my life I merely typed a lot about what bothered me in relation to the nature and disposition sorta of the message. So what? I said I liked the message, tho. I had a lotta typing, tho. Why does this recurringly pop up? It's my dad, and my mom follows suit. I already tried to take back my parents's marriage, but they don't care that they had problems raising my brother. Why should I listen to someone deciding something for me or someone else like this? And my brother's gone, getting his Masters this year and has an apartment. Me, I have nothing, just my mean parents who I moved here to live with cuz I liked them better than the stuck up, sloppy kids left in the college dorms I was at. The people outside are making annoying, disturbing noises, too. Like, the cars go by and make a certain presentation of dragging you into their worthless banter.
I guess all you can say is I don't have to listen to my dad, but this is a shadow hanging over me. I will not listen to these things to do with my dad. Why is he in my life, now? I mean with these kinds of things. Or anything at all?
The other thing is did someone else purposely make the same decision as my dad? If so, what can I do to change that? It seems it's ruined for no reason, already. Why does it matter what I did? They have no rules of behavior. Is there a problem, anyway? I feel like being good doesn't mean anything to them and it brings me pain to do it for them. I do like to be good anyway, tho, so I suppose that is how that works out.
But yea, anyway, my dad is so into saying I don't deserve this relationship. I don't like it, he probably would even spurt out it doesn't matter.
About their marriage, I mean a split would be healthy. I'm worried to leave them alone, sorta. Just the nature of it. We were gonna have a nice life, where my mom was with my brother and my dad gets to move and get a job and me in college..
I guess all you can say is I don't have to listen to my dad, but this is a shadow hanging over me. I will not listen to these things to do with my dad. Why is he in my life, now? I mean with these kinds of things. Or anything at all?
The other thing is did someone else purposely make the same decision as my dad? If so, what can I do to change that? It seems it's ruined for no reason, already. Why does it matter what I did? They have no rules of behavior. Is there a problem, anyway? I feel like being good doesn't mean anything to them and it brings me pain to do it for them. I do like to be good anyway, tho, so I suppose that is how that works out.
But yea, anyway, my dad is so into saying I don't deserve this relationship. I don't like it, he probably would even spurt out it doesn't matter.
About their marriage, I mean a split would be healthy. I'm worried to leave them alone, sorta. Just the nature of it. We were gonna have a nice life, where my mom was with my brother and my dad gets to move and get a job and me in college..
Ah!
I feel I have a responsibility to this blog. Can't we say what I do wrong before and separate from now? I just feel so tested. I don't think it's right. I wouldn't do it.. It looks weird. I feel they already decided I was rebellious in quiet way, but it doesn't matter and I'm not. What is going on? I'm just asking what's going on, not like saying it weirdly. I'll just try again. I need some outlet. Seems it's this problems blog.
So, I will try not to run into bad thoughts. I found that to be a problem today. I was doing laundry and was criticizing people in my head.
Hm, Anger Management is on. I shouldn't take this seriously. I took it too seriously.
It's rather sad how I went insane a little when I came home tonight. You can just forget about me and my foolishness. I wonder how I can be a help. 1 thing I know is I can do the towels, too. Dishes. Not much to do. I can sing on video for the kids to look me up. Fun for me. I wonder if there is real volunteer work I can do that would lead to money, like helping with poor and war.
I feel it is so hard to function and when I get upset sometimes. I don't wanna get mad at people. I am sorry I did. I think I was mad.
I can get my Gramma a card.
"Don't let your past get in the way of your future." They just said that on TV. Credit doesn't matter. I have bad credit so it's hard to move.
What else? That was a good session. I wonder if IMDb will be a good influence. Only place where people are there often. I just feel I am in trouble for life no matter what I do and it could spark anger in me of the guilt, you know? Just for things I list on my site.. Not sure how bad. People said I was good mostly. That's just a few things not like big violent things all the time with a big attitude. I am so careful. I am good, too. I am serious about things that need to be serious about. I tried to change finally and be a bit more friendly, too.
Things may go wrong, I hope not, here I go. I am getting better at ignoring. I hope I don't get crazy minus the any reason why. It is too late, so I must just be helpful. I think I am in trouble for wanting to be left alone, need to be gentle around my mom with cancer. I am a bit weird and stuff and need to stop. If they say I'm someone else, so be it. There probably is a reason.
So, I hope that I do good work in how I act and whatever else I do. I do want a place in life in a career. I wish we would help people more. Maybe, I should read the military. And the poor. Spread awareness. It's interesting. Also, tho, you never know what's not even on this earth. There could be problems in other parts of the universe.
So, I will try not to run into bad thoughts. I found that to be a problem today. I was doing laundry and was criticizing people in my head.
Hm, Anger Management is on. I shouldn't take this seriously. I took it too seriously.
It's rather sad how I went insane a little when I came home tonight. You can just forget about me and my foolishness. I wonder how I can be a help. 1 thing I know is I can do the towels, too. Dishes. Not much to do. I can sing on video for the kids to look me up. Fun for me. I wonder if there is real volunteer work I can do that would lead to money, like helping with poor and war.
I feel it is so hard to function and when I get upset sometimes. I don't wanna get mad at people. I am sorry I did. I think I was mad.
I can get my Gramma a card.
"Don't let your past get in the way of your future." They just said that on TV. Credit doesn't matter. I have bad credit so it's hard to move.
What else? That was a good session. I wonder if IMDb will be a good influence. Only place where people are there often. I just feel I am in trouble for life no matter what I do and it could spark anger in me of the guilt, you know? Just for things I list on my site.. Not sure how bad. People said I was good mostly. That's just a few things not like big violent things all the time with a big attitude. I am so careful. I am good, too. I am serious about things that need to be serious about. I tried to change finally and be a bit more friendly, too.
Things may go wrong, I hope not, here I go. I am getting better at ignoring. I hope I don't get crazy minus the any reason why. It is too late, so I must just be helpful. I think I am in trouble for wanting to be left alone, need to be gentle around my mom with cancer. I am a bit weird and stuff and need to stop. If they say I'm someone else, so be it. There probably is a reason.
So, I hope that I do good work in how I act and whatever else I do. I do want a place in life in a career. I wish we would help people more. Maybe, I should read the military. And the poor. Spread awareness. It's interesting. Also, tho, you never know what's not even on this earth. There could be problems in other parts of the universe.
Friday, January 30, 2015
I came on here to disclaim my fate.
(Disclaimer: These are how my thoughts came out. Sorry they are not all pleasant terminology.)
Some things made me upset, but I know I'm supposed to not be ultimately upset. I figured it was my parents's fault, too, but like it was and it wasn't, which is saddening it means people I like have to be mean to me .. -like- you know the saying "to feel cool" or "popular" seems the thing going around wasting my life away all these people.
I don't remember what my dad did. Something's up, tho.
My mom upset me, and I just reacted to myself like. She said something to me for not being in a perfect situation even I think. She's starting to act snobbish when I come home. I think someone told everyone they can't really talk to me. How selfish and false is that? No one cares how you feel about being mean to me and hiding it by making it look like I started it.
There's no anyone I know coming in my life and telling me how close I can't get to people outside'a my fam!
Sorry, I'd like to stay positive, but it'll take me another mental reboot I see to have a change of heart.
So what if "I wish I didn't do it?" Why sit there and just pick at me for not being perfect? That's a mean thing to suggest to me.
I don't feel relaxed and ready for the night. Why am I getting mean messages from my parents etc. all the time? I just came here to disclaim with my true feelings.. whatever that might be.. and I realized something else someone did. They think if I talk how they feel is snooty, "I gave in." I ain't interested in that!! You can't tell me what team I'm on.
I'm just talking, not being "obviously" sarcastic at all. What did I say.. "no one cares" about you being mean to me and you can't tell me what I think. Well, I get mean vibes from people every day, and I ain't gonna take it. No one can tell me what I think and what I am.
There, did I break the Jenga board.
I have a right to complain, especially with them acting inappropriate around me and rubbing in things I don't like.
It's not so much if you stop as if you can't stop now and think I did something.
So, what it was was I said someone was selfish to coordinate taking away my relationships like relationships don't matter. They act like I'm unpresentable, maybe even just from being fat and too poor for nice clothes. We don't wear dresses, these days. They won't leave me alone for all these things. Maybe, you just made me submit into ugliness. Learn to live with your mistake. So, this is what brings a smile to your face that you did it and I didn't.
I do not mean to be mean, I felt like I lost it. I read it back a few times.
Oh, and about the other people. I don't know why, I just wanted to get away and not talk about it. I will try to ignore it. I was thinking, how can I ignore something like that?
Some things made me upset, but I know I'm supposed to not be ultimately upset. I figured it was my parents's fault, too, but like it was and it wasn't, which is saddening it means people I like have to be mean to me .. -like- you know the saying "to feel cool" or "popular" seems the thing going around wasting my life away all these people.
I don't remember what my dad did. Something's up, tho.
My mom upset me, and I just reacted to myself like. She said something to me for not being in a perfect situation even I think. She's starting to act snobbish when I come home. I think someone told everyone they can't really talk to me. How selfish and false is that? No one cares how you feel about being mean to me and hiding it by making it look like I started it.
There's no anyone I know coming in my life and telling me how close I can't get to people outside'a my fam!
Sorry, I'd like to stay positive, but it'll take me another mental reboot I see to have a change of heart.
So what if "I wish I didn't do it?" Why sit there and just pick at me for not being perfect? That's a mean thing to suggest to me.
I don't feel relaxed and ready for the night. Why am I getting mean messages from my parents etc. all the time? I just came here to disclaim with my true feelings.. whatever that might be.. and I realized something else someone did. They think if I talk how they feel is snooty, "I gave in." I ain't interested in that!! You can't tell me what team I'm on.
I'm just talking, not being "obviously" sarcastic at all. What did I say.. "no one cares" about you being mean to me and you can't tell me what I think. Well, I get mean vibes from people every day, and I ain't gonna take it. No one can tell me what I think and what I am.
There, did I break the Jenga board.
I have a right to complain, especially with them acting inappropriate around me and rubbing in things I don't like.
It's not so much if you stop as if you can't stop now and think I did something.
So, what it was was I said someone was selfish to coordinate taking away my relationships like relationships don't matter. They act like I'm unpresentable, maybe even just from being fat and too poor for nice clothes. We don't wear dresses, these days. They won't leave me alone for all these things. Maybe, you just made me submit into ugliness. Learn to live with your mistake. So, this is what brings a smile to your face that you did it and I didn't.
I do not mean to be mean, I felt like I lost it. I read it back a few times.
Oh, and about the other people. I don't know why, I just wanted to get away and not talk about it. I will try to ignore it. I was thinking, how can I ignore something like that?
Guess I should try to ignore..
..I'm not so cool tho on doing these things that supposedly could be however long.
Sorry if I said anything.
Sorry if I said anything.
I figured out what I meant.
I like someone, but they are disfiguring their image and saying I like it like that, confusing me. I might like to be like other people in that way, but they are rubbing it in. Sorry, but I really like didn't know what to do.
Why I'm Upset
I'm just upset I said something that made them get picky to me. I was kinda in a weird mood, as usual, so I guess it's hard to change. I don't submit myself to these people's ways.
Just So You Know
2 people used to be nice to me before I thought or said some things and now they either don't show themselves up or maybe finally got tired of paying attention to me tho seem mad too. They didn't make a reservation in advance saying what they did and didn't like people doing. I don't want you all to make my life bad. I feel notorious and revealed and stuff.
Stop telling me suggestive things to stimulate me using the identity of a real person. I don't care if my dad says I have to talk to someone I don't like as much, how else you wanna say it, criminal?? In a way I don't like and when I don't want that to be a key person in the way of my life by bothering me in my room.
Really Upset
Someone stopped posting normally after I thought of a joke cuz I was mad and it just seemed funny and to make sense. It's rather suggestive and self-afflicting. I loved his posts..
Apology
I had a panic attack and didn't know what else to say nor if it were really bad. About not wanting to be someone other than myself. It's what I mean, I just can't figure out how else to say it. Maybe, it takes too much time to figure out. Anyway, I realized they said it inappropriately. They said they wanted a game. I feel a game going on. Um.. I dunno, I don't like that I was put on the spot and inappropriately.
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