Last Night

My dad was tired.

What I thought was his prodding of this person being better I would not tolerate along with from someone else.  My life, my right.  How pathetic.  I said sorry, tho I did not need to in some/most all ways.

Wanna go back to bed.

Pathetic

I heard 1st I think my mom making a hysterical loud noises and I just came out the bathroom and heard my dad cough, home early.  Now, vaccuuming.  Leave me alone!

Yet again, those people are trying to talk to me via when my computer loads, in  mean way!

What should I do?

I didn't ask to talk about this.  I don't want be in trouble for telling.  I feel a responsibility.  I don't want this to be a thing going.  How can I stop this??  It's in it in nature.

Why post anything like that?  The opportunity to tell is not always at hand.  I guess it's the nature of things.  You're either at a message board or you're not.

Problem

The only reason I wouldn't tell would be inconvenience.  So, what?  People underneath are mean to me and yell, as well.  It just perked me up.  I don't like this trick.  I wanna watch some TV and go to bed!

Problem

They were obviously playing around and there are lots of things that go with this, but they made my computer take longer to shut down.  They also reminded me to turn on the TV.  They apparently got a person brought up.  They turned off the vent with a creepy, irritating personal message.  Look, I can say if something happened.  You already did it.  I'm not cursing at you or anything.  Why do I need to say?  Well, I can't say.  I just say.  Look, I won't bribe with anyone so you can feel lazy/lethargic/laid back.  I didn't like the 2nd message they gave me, too.  I don't believe it.  No one is gonna listen to people like that.  I'm sorry if that's your social oasis.  You can't just keep quiet for no reason.  It's about saying and doing the right things.  Silence can be a sin.  My internet went off, too.  Something happened again.  Look, I'm not trying to attack you.  I just wanna post something that in the end made me uncomfortable.  No one can tell people who love me what to do cuz they wanna mangle with the situation.  I can't get this to stop.  These are the signs you look for.  I didn't say anything wrong, but let me know what went wrong.  I say what happens.  There are no exceptions.  I didn't curse at anyone nor behave inapporpriately at least for the situation.  Can you explain to me when to be silent?  All I did was state the facts and add my opinion.  You can't live in fear.

If anyone wants to forget about me and needs a break is fine with me.

Have fun with the people you have fun with.

I am very sorry.

I want what makes you happy.

Most important..

..is also the people it could affect that if I talk to.

Amen.

Wow a complicated mess I got into tonight.  I'll have to get better at ignoring and not being crazy.  I can feel I've set myself that way, but why do these mistakes keep coming up?  I usually do have some consciousness for what's going on, but people want me to just go thru life doing nothing but smile.

There's seriously someone threatening to hurt people I know.

To Whom?

To those it must have bothered.

Apoogy

I don't know what to be sorry for except I could not help feeling crazy.  I do think about the wrong things people do, but I don't like to get into it in a bad way.  I feel someone put that in my mind.

So, sorry, for what, for being so crazy.  I did not mean to be mean, but I did recieve a mean message mixed with something important, which I find inappropriate.

Problem

They keep being mean to me.  They said "Vietnam" and I heard a car far away sound like it or so.

Apology and ..?

I was thinking how crazy I was.  They tried to punish me by playing with how to say "t."  They made it sharp and unattractive.  Someone does things like that, and I don't think it's right, get mad when someone tries to be sorry for something that isn't that bad of them but of others.

I wanted to pretty much think they exaggerated the truth and were simply appalled I was not feeling submissive.  I do NOT mean any harm to anyone.

Problem

They are messing with me.  Someone posted a lot around my post on the Dr. Phil Facebook page.  I bet it's just so no one can understand what I posted.  Some weird, annoying people online..

It might be set up.  If Dr. Phil likes it, then so be it.  I don't think anyone would, tho, which is why I point it out.

I already was ready for it not to be all about me.

Is anyone leaving my family alone?

It's not something to really talk about.

I don't mean to be mean, but someone got me mad about someone.  Do I need to think out loud?

What a waste of my life.  These people keep making annoying noises in my room!

I think things that are asked and then you act like I did something else, and I didn't.

Why are people mad at me now?  I explained someone was joking with me cuz they think I'm bad and they aren't supposed to be allowed to do anything to me.

I guess you don't think I was talking around something but about it.  Why is that?

I'm not listening to all these mean people.  They snuck in a suggestive message again.  What a waste of my life.  No, I am not thinking to "ruin 'a moment'" for anyone.  I'm thinking of  what's gonna happen.  I heard a sneakiness with it.  I said I wasn't sending a message about it.  It so happens to happen.  I am a good person.  You don't have the right to judge otherwise.

You don't have the right

to tell me what's right and wrong.

Who has the right

to dig in my personal info. and send secret personal messages of discomfort?

I am only mad at

or at some moments that people waste my life and put someone in my place and make others do it.  That's sneaky.  If my dad didn't just rub something in, I wouldn't get to say this.  Why make me mad and ruin everything?   I can't think all these things without processing them, neither.

cont.

Why won't people accept I did not just think something I am should not?  Sometimes, we think some people are mean to us.  Then, the thought happens.  Do you know anyone who just doesn't seem to think about anything?  They seem to keep it private!  I know it was not perfect, but maybe I just feel like a loser.  I wasn't in anyone's way.  I guess they just dug in a little deep.  That's fine.  I know they said it with a swing.  I guess I am over it, but I don't accept what seemed like an insult.  Why do things happen like this here in Orlando?  I was fine in Louisiana.

Funny

I have to receive all these messages.  I figured I should be nice to people, even though there are people horsing around with me.  I should know some are really nice?  What happened to the others?  I don't seem to have anything going for me cuza one person.  I don't want to be put out and ruin something and ruin something for someone.  I don't wanna hafta worry about what Dad will think next day..  I'm not "in the social situation."  Yes, I was nice to my dad.  I am so sorry, but I mean I am a person and people all get even viscious.

My dad kept coughing that someone else gets someone and I don't.  I had to think about it, but it was not a holistic process.  I wasn't "talking to anyone."  I guess someone or some people think I'm not that good when they were the ones who were mean to me for no reason so I could not win at life.

And they acted like they never said that so as not to feel guilty.

I'm about to shower up and watch TV, but I feel more tired now.  The shower will wake me up, and I can watch TV.

I don't wanna fight with anyone, but I have a deep-seated issue and feel this is going on and on for everyone.  I just had to process it or something.  I was in the middle of eating and cleaning up the kitchen.  I wasn't posting online! for Pete's sake.

It was pretty rude what my dad was thinking.  He is trying to ruin my relationships.  Blame him if anything just went wrong.  I feel a loss of thought, feeling, and control in my life.  People all act like they know all about me and act meanly whenever they feel they have to.

I just heard a noise in the kitchen and I don't like how part of my forehead just felt.  I was about to suck back in, and now I can't.

They are bothering me again.

I don't want anything to happen to me cuza my dad.

I'm tired of them deciding how the page loads and am upset I might not like them doing this.  It happens all the time I load a page.  It makes me think of a message each time.

These people following me are being mean to me.

I guess I just didn't direct it at anyone when I felt I had the right to use that word.  No, I don't care what you think.

So, I see I said the N word back, but so what?  I didn't say who it was to.  Who cares?  That's the past.  They deserved it!

Problem

They are still messing around with me.

It's not that I hate the people.

I know they are trying to hurt me.  Who?  Dunno.  Not trying to hurt me?  Maybe, just trying to be suggestive and then getting me when I defend myself.

Problem

I think people have a problem with me.

They are messing with me on my Facebook.  2 people being creepy.  1 person I wanted to turn to now just deleted who I met online.

They are like massively trying to get themselves across to me, suggesting I fit in with them while others are not and not to be involved.

They are suggesting I'm not perfect like Jesus.  Or, things in my past scare them.  Or, they all have a problem with me cursing at noises in my room for awhile in my past.

Apology

I don't mean for anyone to pay attention to me, but I am sorry I get upset.

Technically, looking for appropriate relationships is something I'm a bull after.

Online Stalking

You already done and did yo' damage, people or who all done it?  I can say what needs to be said to online stalking..  I see you talk to me and don't wanna.

These people are creepy.  That does not mean someone else is.  You can tell when someone is not coming from somewhere.

What do I do about online stalking?  It's not serious enough to make a case -on TV.

Problem

They keep wasting my time talking to me with how they load the page.

Upset

Tho I started exercise, I said something about the word pleasure once.. and cannot feel Space Mountain.

So, 1st, they were mean to me at the other community college.  Now, they have to cut courses at the other.  So, what, they were being mean to me.  You can't just do whatever you want to ruin my life.

So..

They had to apparently cut ballet and class athletics at a community college I wanna go to.

It has Music Education.  I don't know if I'd have time, anyway with the bus transportation and don't really know of a weekend class.  I need time to myself, too.

form yesterday

I have a freedom to do what I want.

I have a freedom to do what I want.

If in my past I thought all these racists were "s***" does not mean you can be mean to me whatever you want.  Yes, it was Christmas.

Problem

So, people I care about supposedly send me the negative messages, and it tends to make me feel badly.  I try to get over it and even figure it out.  I just feel that other person is making this happen, too, and I have to also forget about that person or to some degree.

Problem

These people controlling how the page loads on my computer are so annoying and mean and I can't stand it.  They are not a friend.

Problem

This person keeps being mean to me.  I was cursing at the noises in my room, and they supposedly did it.  It's so annoying, putting up with this person.  They just keep annoying me.  I think it's wrong.  So, what, they didn't even say stop cursing.  I was cursing about the noises.  Maybe at them sometimes but usually blotted out and not to harm them.

They are like attacking making sure I can't have fun with others.  They are hurting anyone like who is important who likes me.

Problems

Someone won't stop being mean to me, simply.  They supposedly fessed up to putting annoying noises in my room all day.  I was upset each day, and when I stopped they started work at being mean to me.

Who do you think made Bath & Body works stop selling fancy body scrub?

Everyone keeps mimicig me as a tacky person as a toddler.

This someone is being mean to people who are nice to me.

The people experimenting on me are being unkind and freaking me out and no no one cares.  People are being silly, those people who tried to hook up with me in private.

Sorry, I do not mean to offend anyone.  It just seemed awkward, tho I was agreeing this 1 dude just kept at me.  The 1st wasn't really that fat.

A boy on IM said he was thinking about me all day I don't know well.  I had fat boys wanting babies with me, too, today.

Problem

They're being rude to me again.

Okay, so I can't get totally mad, but they are not supposed to do this.  This has nothing to do with the person I like, and they are acting mean.

This is leading to my ruin.  I cannot say it's okay.  I sense danger.

Why can't we fix it?  Who's having the tickle?

Problem

Someone is punishing me for hitting my sofa before for a week and putting me with someone else than I was obsessed with with a certain background.  I will not stand this.  This is ridiculous.  I'm not here to play games with you in private and have you able to reach my soul..

I feel I've been upset and aroused.

Problem

They keep saying more things.

Upset

My dad kept getting closer to me at the Chinese buffet and pushing me into something, and I said, "Why do you keep getting closer?"  I moved 3 times.  He pushed me into a short Asian lady.  After the Superbowl, my parents left on something they hardly ever expose me to, Bali Dancing, like to rub it in or however you wanna say it.  I don't even know if I seen Bali dancing with my mom but once.

Problem

These people watching me in my room making noises and loading the page differently make me feel bad about myself a lot.  They were supposed to be friends, otherwise I'd just tell the police.  How do you think that would affect me?  They make it so I have to sit there and let it go away, every time I go to a new page I don't know.

Apology

for thinking something funny of someone I should not say tho

My House Is a Constant Battleground

I go out and I hear some random noise thrown at me.  Should I take a shower before bed?

The town went crazy cuz I spoke assertively against someone looking at me racistly.  I don't like how people do that to me.

New Video of Me Talking

The Day

I saw my dad acting gruff and looked at him upset like I caught him.

I thought of a word I should not have and later realized I shouldn't be mad now just cuz I was before and not at someone else just because of something else.

I saw some people and didn't think they looked too friendly and was like oh should I treat this other person like that?

I have a sense of foreboding of them doing things to remind me later of what they thought was wrong.

I'm not a bad person.  So what if I decide to annoy people who deserve it where I'm allowed?  Maybe, I don't do it now, but that's life.  What else do I need to state?

This is pathetic.

Something else always comes up.  Don't let the mess in my life.

Problem

They won't stop bugging me saying because someone "took offense" to something I said they get to know who it was about  .. that my experience is to be taken from in this experiment.

Now what?

Ya'll're fighting me?  I don't allow that.  Or hurt me?

You're mad at me for not accepting you ruining my nose?

Another Rule

This person I was mad at would never hurt me intentionally, might make mistakes and do it anyway, but isn't really bad.

All That Will Come Out

Is that I am in danger anyway.  Let the slave pass.  LOL?  I mean about my nose.  Forgive the sinner, it's only a child and has no plan.  BUT it was a dangerous situation and should not happen.  It seems like you could always find fault with someone.  What if I did that to the secretary?  Would I be in trouble?  Yes..

Let me know if anything is offensive cuz I mean no offense.  I'm just describing something and found things to say.  I was trying to, at least.  It depends on how you take whatever and personal preference.  Dunno.

It seems like anyone could get hurt.

Why do I feel bad and worried?  I have to worry about my nose.  You can't make fun of my nose cuz someone else ruined it!  I was sleeping, and this secretary was making noises and stuff that made it look bad again.  I was all excited, started watching Ellen it so happened.

What do you want me to say?

"Oh, it's okay, you're worth it, you can affect people to be uglier."  You smile at cute boys who grow facial hair for you to make me upset because of some thing I did.

My Nose Is Messed Up

I think someone did it cuz I stomped my feel around when I saw them.  I was sleeping in the doctor's, and the secretary managed to make my nose wide.  My Gramma also ruined it.  Get outta my bu'ness, I can stomp my foot until kingdom come.  Maybe, I don't wanna act like that, but I did it when it was safe.  Better not be mean to me cuz that's why I got mad and did it.

Did I say anything wrong?  I dun' who all dun' what.  I do have a guess, I admit.  I don't mean to sound rude.  As for saying it, it is my nose.  It was getting slimmer.  The rest of my body was getting better.  You all reuined it.  :0

I don't care what you say.  The only thing I do wrong is refuse to listen to bad people.  I get mad and make somewhat small mistakes.  I should try harder to ignore mean people and not do anything that's believably bad.

Yer nat the genius who gets to suddenly make an image saying I'm really bad for attention.

Think of all the time

that these other people are always having an attitude.  They just "know" it's okay for them.  I know I didn't start whatever caught your eye.  If so, you should leave me alone.  You never leave me alone and are mean to me.

It feels like a trap to say this, but someone wants to rub in something sick they think about me related to my dad on a big scale.  Also, I feel as tho someone is tossing me aside to be punished for being upset at them being mean to me to start.

O Boo Hoo

All the bad things I have done.

Wonder what's next..  Now, I have to remember to be smart.  What does that entail in thee experience?  Just try to be more appropriate so nothing sticks out.  Maybe, enlightenment will follow.  Don't panic, most important.  *Eyeballs look right and left in dark*

Apology

I'm sorry I said something drastic, was a bit tippy I guess.  I had this weird idea I would have to say it someday.

Wow

I can't believe how upset I was interpreted to be.  I feel people think I'm back talking.  I'm naaat.  :(  This is my blog, my problems blog.  I'm trying to straighten things out so I can move on.

Apology

When I said touch, I didn't mean inappropriately.  I just made it up, like what it should mean.

I should have said so.

A Nuisance

He kept smiling trying to think I submit to him.  Why is he in my life again?  Sure, I'd want a healthy relationship.  Wasn't I independent?

Problem

My dad is going in and saying maybe I'm not that good and need the poor man's reward.

Serious Talk

Why doesn't my dad go "touch" someone else?  I'm no more worthless.  None of what's going on is right.  Maybe, he should touch himself.  :(  I'm not serious.

What's not right is the idea that just because he's my dad I should be susceptible to him when I already fit in in the world.

Unfair Social Life in My Life Somehow

I fear everyone, the people experimenting on me, might now jump on the bandwagon with whatever anyone mean wants to do to me or what my dad does.

This post is addressed to whoever finds it interesting.  Also, it worries me, like I have to notice it myself at least.  I can see this like this huge.

Well

It was a bit bothersome.  What did I do wrong?  Something in the past I didn't agree.

Yea

I always am trying to make good use of my time and enjoy myself and want my parents and people to leave me alone sometimes..

People Being Weird to Me

I don't need insulting secret messages.  My parents.  Also, I'm 28.  No one cares about my situation.

Suffering in Private

I put up with stuff from certain people in private.

I think I just did what I was told, too, but they still got mad.

I am 28.

Why am I being threatened like a kid?  I didn't do anything.  I need my freedom of speech to discuss problems.  I can see my life going down a spiral.  (?)

cont.

It's important.

(I dunno why the last post posted already.)

My dad needs to stop being able to boss people around.  That's impolite.

I don't get it.

Why be so harsh on where my thoughts take me, tho?  This is making me uncomfortable.  What could happen next?

This is just hyperactive psycho-ness, and in general I would not pay any mind.

How You Roll

Why are you testing me so much about being in the moment?  Like, if I mess up a thought it's over.

Why am I getting more ambiguous secret messages?  What did I do now?  Why is it always that I did something?  Not to please my dad.

Why

Is my dad repeating himself and making such an indent with this secret message?  It is not polite for me to even talk about it, so why bring it up?  Is he trying to support someone else in something?

Problem

These people were tacky and managed to say, "I just want you to know you're shit."  Try getting back with me after that.  The text never used to blink during Word Wrap  I find these glitches to be suggestive.

I had a pretty good night late last night-

I awoke to some sensitive communications "that I can't have" basically a relationship with someone cuz of something I did.. when they slyly put something into my life I merely typed a lot about what bothered me in relation to the nature and disposition sorta of the message.  So what?  I said I liked the message, tho.  I had a lotta typing, tho.  Why does this recurringly pop up?  It's my dad, and my mom follows suit.  I already tried to take back my parents's marriage, but they don't care that they had problems raising my brother.  Why should I listen to someone deciding something for me or someone else like this?  And my brother's gone, getting his Masters this year and has an apartment.  Me, I have nothing, just my mean parents who I moved here to live with cuz I liked them better than the stuck up, sloppy kids left in the college dorms I was at.  The people outside are making annoying, disturbing noises, too.  Like, the cars go by and make a certain presentation of dragging you into their worthless banter.

I guess all you can say is I don't have to listen to my dad, but this is a shadow hanging over me.  I will not listen to these things to do with my dad.  Why is he in my life, now?  I mean with these kinds of things.  Or anything at all?

The other thing is did someone else purposely make the same decision as my dad?  If so, what can I do to change that?  It seems it's ruined for no reason, already.  Why does it matter what I did?  They have no rules of behavior.  Is there a problem, anyway?  I feel like being good doesn't mean anything to them and it brings me pain to do it for them.  I do like to be good anyway, tho, so I suppose that is how that works out.

But yea, anyway, my dad is so into saying I don't deserve this relationship.  I don't like it, he probably would even spurt out it doesn't matter.

About their marriage, I mean a split would be healthy.  I'm worried to leave them alone, sorta.  Just the nature of it.  We were gonna have a nice life, where my mom was with my brother and my dad gets to move and get a job and me in college..

Ah!

I feel I have a responsibility to this blog.  Can't we say what I do wrong before and separate from now?  I just feel so tested.  I don't think it's right.  I wouldn't do it..  It looks weird.  I feel they already decided I was rebellious in quiet way, but it doesn't matter and I'm not.  What is going on?  I'm just asking what's going on, not like saying it weirdly.  I'll just try again.  I need some outlet.  Seems it's this problems blog.

So, I will try not to run into bad thoughts.  I found that to be a problem today.  I was doing laundry and was criticizing people in my head.

Hm, Anger Management is on.  I shouldn't take this seriously.  I took it too seriously.

It's rather sad how I went insane a little when I came home tonight.  You can just forget about me and my foolishness.  I wonder how I can be a help.  1 thing I know is I can do the towels, too.  Dishes.  Not much to do.  I can sing on video for the kids to look me up.  Fun for me.  I wonder if there is real volunteer work I can do that would lead to money, like helping with poor and war.

I feel it is so hard to function and when I get upset sometimes.  I don't wanna get mad at people.  I am sorry I did.  I think I was mad.

I can get my Gramma a card.

"Don't let your past get in the way of your future."  They just said that on TV.  Credit doesn't matter.  I have bad credit so it's hard to move.

What else?  That was a good session.  I wonder if IMDb will be a good influence.  Only place where people are there often.  I just feel I am in trouble for life no matter what I do and it could spark anger in me of the guilt, you know?  Just for things I list on my site..  Not sure how bad.  People said I was good mostly.  That's just a few things not like big violent things all the time with a big attitude.  I am so careful.  I am good, too.  I am serious about things that need to be serious about.  I tried to change finally and be a bit more friendly, too.

Things may go wrong, I hope not, here I go.  I am getting better at ignoring.  I hope I don't get crazy minus the any reason why.  It is too late, so I must just be helpful.  I think I am in trouble for wanting to be left alone, need to be gentle around my mom with cancer.  I am a bit weird and stuff and need to stop.  If they say I'm someone else, so be it.  There probably is a reason.

So, I hope that I do good work in how I act and whatever else I do.  I do want a place in life in a career.  I wish we would help people more.  Maybe, I should read the military.  And the poor.  Spread awareness.  It's interesting.  Also, tho, you never know what's not even on this earth.  There could be problems in other parts of the universe.