I just don't want these weird punishments.  I chose to make a "public" display.  All I did was say, "Why are you looking at me?"  I could hit something really angry.  Does not mean I give up relationships.  You cannot arrest me for blinking.

I'm tired of this unfair weirdness in my life every day.  I can do what I chose to do with my life.

Someone certainly got in my life.

My Day

I think I will take my 1st college math class (I was in one before but didn't finish) in the summer.  I think I can handle 2 during the regularly timed semester.  I want 1 to be science..

So, something I should probably tell you.  I was at the psychiatrist office, and my mom driving me there kept thinking I had to be like my dad in a disgusting way.  Later on, she acted like this was a deliberate message of punishment, ruining my school life and everything.

In the office, she sat away from the spot I chose, where we usually sit.  Someone came in and scuffled like saying, "So, that's the daughter."  I didn't like that.  I scuffled my own shoes, and then she acted all tacky and triumphant like she knew what I did and who I was and that I couldn't have it, when she herself sent a message by scuffling.  The husband looked at me smiling, and I just looked back and said why are you looking at me.  Later on, a family sat behind me and was saying how I could not have a relationship.  I moved my chair up in annoyance and finally moved over.  Then, the youngest, a boy, looked at me, and I was listening to music and asked why.

My psychiatrist got mad when I told him he misdiagnosed me and kept speaking out against me and saying how my parents didn't have to support me.

Apologizing, Not Begging

I'm sorry I was so upset today.  I tried to not be.  I got some threats that bothered me.  Anyway, it's off to bed.  Not sure if I shoulda mentioned the threats.  At least not like that.

Apology

I didn't know that saying "sh" before part of someone's name was so offensively shocking.  It was in a story.  There was no telling what I meant.  I would do that in a real story, but since this is online and about someone else I did have faint thoughts of disclaiming it as not an insuult.  I guess I figured they'd know I have nothing against them and that it was a joke.  I just didn't know.  I was upset it was considered an insulting thing and to explain slipped my mind.  How would I ever know all these little annoying things would be seen as taking out funning and pleasure against someone?  I had a feeling people would know what I meant.  How would I know?  I thought it sounded cute.  I know now and won't do it.  I even thought of one for me Christina Shitstina.  I almost cursed awhile ago, TBH (to be honest..)  It doesn't bother me if it's just in fun.  I didn't really mean it personally.  It was just a story.  I thought it was.. guess I got caught up in things.  I didn't mean it in an insult in any way.  It shocked me the way this cute trick came out.  I should have picked a new letter combination.  How about like Christina Ristina.  People are finding damage in what I write like I'm making some sort of pattern, but I'm not.  I don't see anyone else out here writing so much that they will get caught.  This is dangerous.  You should not assume that these things are catch phrases when they need to be used for other purposes.  It can get in the way, when you do things like this.  No one will know what to do.  I guess I cannot apologize enough in others's opinions yet still.  I didn't mean anything.  How can I say I'm sorry?  I just picked a weird thing to say just to see if it was okay?  I could not think.  I could have used it on someone else and it'd go.

Why I Said It This Time

I dunno, it seems a permanent part of my life.  Talking it out, it may not help.  It seems some people went wild about me being online and are pinpointing fault in me.

I just felt really bad, that's all.  I like the person.  I just don't like the message others are giving me.  My parents didn't care if I stomped growing up, except probably moreso in public.  They don't like me throwing things.  The world is just so agitated and hectic.

I find what is going on to be suggestive.  I feel even threatened.  I cannot pay for all this.  People are being mean to nice people to hurt me, too, "instead" of just me or with whatever applied to them.

What It Is

Someone keeps posting on my page on Facebook just to secretly annoy me.  I liked someone from Australia, but someone else from there who's weird keeps posting there.  I bet someone else is getting affection.

Problem

They are going back and misanalyzing my past.  I can hit stuff if I wanted without worrying about being punished.  Shouldn't the bad feelings only come naturally?  What business is this of yours?  I'm too old for anyone to judge me and punish me.  I'm only supposed to get kindness at this age and level of maturity.  You shouldn't be making me mad.  If you heard torturing noises and your parents wouldn't stop bugging you in secret, what would you do?  Call the police?  They would ruin the experiment!  These are the things that make me wanna m*********, probably.  No one seems to care, except people who can't do anything unless I post it here.  They keep doing things and I can't write them all down.

Apology

Do what ya'll must, I am so sorry.  For getting upset and being crazy if it happened.. I tried not to post that.  Some of the things made sense, but it's not a normal thing to talk about.  Maybe, there are other things I did not talk about.

Are ya'll trying to punish me?  I'm 28 and didn't do anything wrong.

All these people working for ya'll have one thing that's important to them, that they feel on top.

So, someone is messing with me now.  There are all these negative messages about me.  I shouldn't have to go thru with this.

How does it make a difference if I report something on this blog or not, simply put too.

So, why do they pop up and say mean things that are offensive topics to others, the reaction they are drawing out.

Disclaimer

I wasn't trying to be sarcastic, but I felt affected, about saying something can't happen to me but to someone else.  I see them slowly in a process of having other people do things and not me.  I'm just informing.  Sorry if I did anything or just said anything wrong.

Upset

I'm so sorry if you know how I really felt behind screen.  I do get upset.  You should do what you want.  Am I supposed to be quiet?  I feel I am in trouble all the time for nothing but racism.

Why is talking to me always a fight?  I am speaking in general.

But sorry.  I said you should all do what you want.

What can I do to make things better?  At any moment, anything could be said of me.

I don't need to be tested all the time.  Everyone knows what I am like.

Why are you acting like I need to give an apology?

When I post images from IMDb message boards, sometimes it doesn't show up on my blog when I copy it.

Why are you talking to me..?

How mature do you think it is to constantly dote one someone else to rub in to someone?  Sounds like something to spread around?

They probably are making it up for others.

Problem

They told me something would never happen to me and did stuff.

These experimenters are racist.

So they come up to me to tell me they aren't listening.  Racism.

Problem

I got a notification on Facebook, and it didn't show up until I made a new tab.

Can I say I wish the best for someone?  I don't think I will cease to seek attention, as I had before the experiment was to my knowledge and still not sure when.  Just saying I hope that's not a part of their wish.  I don't believe it was.  Grown-ups are just afraid to take responsibility.

Got Upset

My mom seemed to be making fun for like being in trouble and I didn't feel like I wanted her as a relationship while we "move on up."

I knew people before who acted like they liked me just enough to get off and leave me without a life nor any of my friends to talk to.  They used to play they wanted to be just like me.

This all will just ruin my time leaving off on these ridiculously bad notes.

It's too bad you want to think you see me actively alluding to something serious.  I don't see it being done to anyone else.

I am tired of people being scared to have any manners with me.  I don't feel special.

How did I invade anyone in writing this?  1 it made me have to deal with a tossup on what I thought of the nature of my relationship with someone.  2 I am thinking people will keep bugging me for things just to bug me until it's too late.  I am not suggesting anything like I don't want someone to get attention.  It all worked out all my life before Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Pirates of the Caribbean.  I just found people are afraid to say anyone has talent since Tim Burton.  It's only for him, perfect or not.

It's not the attention but "what" happens.  I can't complain about some things cuz it's just not right.  I just feel people are treating me with twisted feelings and telling me what I think when I mean it in a specifically different way.  Some people totally stop talking to me, whereas before they did.  Something upset them.  I can't say I deserve it, but why do these things stop when something happens like that?  What I mean about today is just the general message.  I know you hold some things important over me.  I feel I'm just saying the same things you'd know over and over.  I was upset at my mom's taunting me I think.  Like in secret message.  I don't wanna ruin my relationship .. with her, too.

I feel people just think I'm worthless, just there to do what you don't want "the ones" to do who are born when computers became popular in 1997-1998.  What if I'm better in some way?  Fine.

I see what you all want.

And I'm not fighting about attention but that my mom was teasing me.  I don't think I had much to say otherwise.  Because I mentioned some things, I assume they'd wanna be talked about.

I don't like how this is taking shape you think must be over one issue, but I'm sorry to say it's not.  LOL.  Not LOL at other issues.  It's not from that issue.  This was gonna happen anyway more likely.

My mom kept acting a certain way, and I guess it upset me.  I just meant I don't wanna be rubbed into my parents and lose other relationships.  She kept acting like she said, "It's okay," in a mocking way.  That's basically it, this paragraph.

Every problem can be fixed.  I just feel that I should not be treated like I'm bad and it works out with others, instead.  I dunno.  I do want others to get attention.  I lived life normally, before, and I was perfectly fine.  I had said to stop all this experimental sacrifice.  Long before.

So, I'm sorry if anyone was offended by this.  I think most of us are just making ends meet socially in society.  Most people would not strongly go into disagreeing.  You can't just live by Tweeting.  You need to record yourself talking and learn to make substantial works of writing on life and fun and pleasure and feelings.

So, sorry, not sure how to make this better for anyone.  Prayers and hope for they who yearn for attention and for things to be right for them.

So, yes, I think I'm not much of a person.  In a way, I really try if possible.  I'm pretty good for a Eurasian with an obese dad, but my dad seems more like a tired, sorta lackadaisical obese, not I.  I mean in some ways I probably share some of the same ways of being.  I tell my dad to shape up for his own good.

Question

Why should my happiness hurt -anyone-??

About Before

What I said I hope does not all stem from that which I am not supposed to talk about.  And am to ignore??  Sorry, if I gave anyone a hard time.

Issues

I just watched Dr. Phil and felt suggestions of guilt of things I've said but just for saying them.  I only posted more clearly but carefully on "what" when I was incessantly attacked, in my opinion.

If you don't like me cursing, you can't tell me after I seem to stop if it mattered before just to make me seem guilty cuz lotta people curse don't get in trouble or nothing.

Lotta people who weren't involved specifically in one thing I did tend to start anew and test me and get me off without really giving me a chance.

It seems that sometimes you should talk things out some.  It seems that me trying to avert punishment for the nature of what I've said is the thing that gets them.

When I go out here in Orlando, people can tell specifically what I'm thinking.  I don't try to share these things, but they seem to surface themselves to them.  So, that's why I post them here.  Things probably unravel themselves and are worth putting down.  These things are not attacks.  They are panic attacks.

I am curious.  I think they just wanna get down me in trouble and probably make others happy for convenience of situation in the process.

Before I started cursing for a time on my blog, I was treated like the star of the world.  Now, I'm made fun of and put down constantly.  How pathetic, just for cursing when I'm the one attacked.  I did stop cursing!  I didn't get the message to stop.  They just wanted to see how far they could make me upset.  They just roll their eyes and don't know what to say to that.  I don't know how else to describe it.  They just look aloof and condemning??  It's what I said, they are trying to get me to do things that only certain people disapprove of, that isn't wrong.  Today at supper, I ended up thinking so what if someone did some really bad crime, doesn't mean you can be mean to me.  I thought that crime specifically but did not mean that literally.  What's the use of thinking of that like that?  I had posted something related recently.

I think people are against me because of my race, really.  Sorry to disappoint, but some people are.  Don't encourage me to think about it and try to get back in my thoughts.  I'm trying to ignore it.

I think in the end, I'm hated on for my age not being neither young enough nor old enough.  They want one group of people or one individual to get everything forever, like something about them is of higher esteem and quality.  When they get categorized into a group, they jump out of it and want something else, everything, too, it seems, so that others feel they don't deserve what they had, neither, when it's important.

People put me up to things I don't deserve to have and make me feel uncomfortable about getting any of anything like it.

Why is who I am defined only by my behavior?  Race?  Afraid I'll start being better when someone else is a different race?

I am upset I am not accepted by some people.  They keep being mad at me for when I didn't know they really wanted me to stop cursing about putting these annoying noises in my room.  They were being very mean.  There was no reason to begin with.  That probably made me even more mad, not think at least it's not my fault, just get mad.  The effects are spreading.  No one really knows me.  Why should anyone have to suffer this?  I know all these things are done to me cuz of things that were supposedly unfair to others or things that have nothing to do with me.  Why not get mad at the other older adults who did them?  I already explained why I cursed and that I wish I didn't.  I had a reason.  You all just wanna invade my privacy, along with "getting rid of me."  Well, if you think about it in one way, no no one "has" to like anyone.  I mean just anyone, since everyone is in such competition.  Why like me?

What can I do or say to make things better?  I wasn't that mean.  Maybe, I could've said it better, thought more.

I feel I'm being made fun of for sounding like I'm pleaing, too.  I don't have to be seen like that racially, pleaing like I'm that weak 1/2 Chinese girl.

You seem to wanna talk about that certain something yet also not.  So, I dunno, think I shouldn't.  Why does all this to others seem to stem from that?  I'm trying to not talk about it.

Problem

In recent years, my dad has been acting like he has breadth over me, when he's usually always been very respectful not to do that.

They keep trying to have the last word in.

Also

They keep rubbing things in only for me to unravel them and deny them for being tacky.

They're acting like I was never the one and someone else is successfully.

How is he justified?  I bet ya'll actually think under him saying when you also think something against me.

So, what's he do?

I see him, but at work I bet people have him under control.

I'm sorry if someone is hurting you.

To clarify, what if I'm not playing the game that to make others safe I have to suffer punishment of being mean to me cuza my dad or another person?

I think ya'll're just have no credibility.  You only want kids who are still teens born around 1997-1998, people who are all white, with a young dada.

If someone's not white, you attack, too.

You all keep beating me and I don't beat you back and I post it on here and where can I turn if people I know go crazy about that fact?

Report of the Day

I feel drowsy.

I didn't really outwardly have problems with my parents.

Sorry for my fuss I must produce on here earlier.. I feel over it.  I don't know about later.

Why do you do this to yourselves?

Problems

I just took a walk.  The suggestions won't stop..

Dad's home, time to eat, more to put on the plate for this place (blog.)

How am I bad?

These negative messages seem to be having a domino effect.

here

home

I might've gotten more mad here.

This is all pretty laid out factually.  I am trying to avert this place.

You never know what people mean.

It seems to mean you're outta your game temporarily.  It might be a detached message from you that means nothing against what you believe but your problems.

My Race

You aren't supposed to mention it, but I like to sometimes.  I'm not suddenly okay liking Chinese because someone with Italian blood shows up.  Disclaimer, I do like Chinese like anyone would.

Another Fact

Not only does it matter who it is but are they competent to talk to someone so much.. I guess like a teacher of one class all year?

Paying

If they do it, it is like way prestigious, but it might just be taking out anger.

I think 1 reason

1 would use it was to, not only get rid of me, but to make prestigious people feel comfortable that I'm not just prestigious meeting prestigious people and to get at me for nothing.  What liars.  I do want friends.  This isn't friends.

Paying

Why am I interacting with strangers who tap into my room and computer with speakers, cameras, hacking, etc.?  Is this a trap?  What if they are rubbing off on me in a way I don't like?  I am not saying this all of a sudden but wondering about when it last started in 2012, which is a long time.  What about when it happened in 2005?  They stopped in 2005..

Do I have to say this, too?

You only don't want me to talk anymore it seems because I tried to improve on that, and this catastrophe may take baby steps for me.

So, I'm 2nd class.  They are on the defensive.   I don't know how else to make my point and say this but elevating someone as "princess."   I can almost see people, they are getting at me like I prevented someone from being "princess."  Someone used to treat me like a star.

Well, it's true, some things really aren't worth it.

Now, my mom is messing around with her ruitine with me.  Among other things.  How is that okay, for my family to do this?

They won't stop.  They want a relationship severed.  They're still making up stuff!!

How can I make things better?  I don't feel I'd get a direct answer to this question.

Wouldn't it be interesting if there was a real reason discussed, like why ya'll get so mad if I find an issue to talk about of a certain someone and situation.

I don't want what these people to do to ruin my life and anything in it.  All I did was say what happened, tho it wasn't fun.

Problem

They are acting like I'm whining and whining as though I were a made up version of my dad.  They are bothering me.  Looks like they don't care.

They're still messing around.

Do I need to "pay?"

Why does everyone in public keep calling me a marshmallow?

Why are they invading my privacy?

cont.

I just got an outfit in case I get on Dr. Phil..

They are sending me more messages..

Problems

There is 1 notification on my Facebook and they took awhile to load this.. I am saving for a new computer, too..

cont.

shopping for a hat

and they are picking on me for feeling guilty - ARGH

They are doing something weird on my computer.  I'm shopping, and the Go sign pops up 1st on the side.

Ya'll haven't really developed a special reason for getting upset every time I post something here.

I'm so sorry if it has to be like this.  Yes, I am fending for myself like a mature person.  I am not trying to become insulting.  Remember the heading of this blog??

I think they are busy tossing things to like hassle with me, like, "Oh, what if no one famous gave you any attention."  And so what about this, "What if I got attention.  Ha ha ha ha."  You could just in the end not really pay any attention to me, and I'd deal with it.  What if I said I'd prefer one person over another now but maybe later "get back in the game with other people being a fan?"

Problem

I DON'T LIKE THIS PERSON BOTHERING ME VIA THE COMPUTER, MAKING THINGS HAPPEN AT CERTAIN TIMES

And like I said

it looks bad on her (part.)

So

The problem is I have someone fighting me.

He said what he said.

Why does my dad follow my thoughts of saying, "in pain?"

Do you have any friends?  I'm not asking sarcastically.  I'm thinking of something abstract.  Like, I guess if I want friends I have to take turns and listen.

I welcome ya'll into my life.

You already said what you said.  What exactly is it you wish you had?  Don't waste your life bothering me.

I don't agree

that I should be punished to begin with.

Problem

My parents are getting close to me in a weird way with symbolic messages left around the home.

I know who all's behind this.  Why do ya'll keep being racists?

This person is being promoted.

Problem

I'm am being harassed and bullied daily by someone younger.

Does anyone just have an allergic reaction to things being posted across the internet??

Problem

People are working on distancing me from some people and harming me.

Problem

People keep acting like I'm bad.

OK, come on.

Don't be afraid to talk.

I can see that someone tried to punish me using someone else to get attention when it's my turn.

My life is hard.  People do weird things to me.  One wrong thought, and it could end up going just like that.  My dad made me think something I did not think later on, too, thinking I'd think it, anyway.

What should I have done?

I'm so sorry!

I guess I am wondering why my parents are being suggestive for someone nice.  Not to talk back at anyone, but it seems sneaky.  Like, everyone is just scared to be nice to me.  I'm not scared to be nice to me.  The suggestions make me wanna recluse from others.

You know, no one will think this is perfect.

Wah ah ah

I was trying so hard to be good, and if I get thrown off it's a big deal.

We aren't supposed to hover around the mention of my brother like that.

It's not nice of him to tease me and then claim he did it to make me look good.

Weird

So, my mom has delayed speech and thought.  I was all excited trying to be nice, and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.  D:

So, f..y.i.

My brother is a little crazy, not that it should matter for this, but like acts like he's all the things I'm not and don't wanna be.

I cannot tell you how upset I am.  My parents keep being suggestive.  Supposedly, someone nice told them to do it.  It's not working out.  It's making me feel bad.  Sure, you just look in and say walk away, but it don't work like that.  I just asked her, "Why?"  I'm telling you now why it's upsetting.  I don't wanna fight, but I feel that people are trying to make my life even worse.  GO GET A LIFE!  :|

So, my parents are being suggestive to me now and I'm not sure why.  It did make me upset.  I know what they really mean.  I already said I don't give a care about what old ladies think, "Ooh, a punishment must be related."  I didn't do anything.  At least not originally.  They are sending me those mean secret messages, again.  They think that I did something, but they did something.  It was even as silly as telling me to put something somewhere.  On my brother's chair.  He is nothing like me.  So, I asked, "Why?"  So what?  My mom was being a grump.  She keeps irritating me.  Also, she doesn't act excited when I come home, and I think someone made her do it.  Wow, doesn't matter.  She think she's all that.