I don't care what you say.  The only thing I do wrong is refuse to listen to bad people.  I get mad and make somewhat small mistakes.  I should try harder to ignore mean people and not do anything that's believably bad.

Yer nat the genius who gets to suddenly make an image saying I'm really bad for attention.

Think of all the time

that these other people are always having an attitude.  They just "know" it's okay for them.  I know I didn't start whatever caught your eye.  If so, you should leave me alone.  You never leave me alone and are mean to me.

It feels like a trap to say this, but someone wants to rub in something sick they think about me related to my dad on a big scale.  Also, I feel as tho someone is tossing me aside to be punished for being upset at them being mean to me to start.

O Boo Hoo

All the bad things I have done.

Wonder what's next..  Now, I have to remember to be smart.  What does that entail in thee experience?  Just try to be more appropriate so nothing sticks out.  Maybe, enlightenment will follow.  Don't panic, most important.  *Eyeballs look right and left in dark*

Apology

I'm sorry I said something drastic, was a bit tippy I guess.  I had this weird idea I would have to say it someday.

Wow

I can't believe how upset I was interpreted to be.  I feel people think I'm back talking.  I'm naaat.  :(  This is my blog, my problems blog.  I'm trying to straighten things out so I can move on.

Apology

When I said touch, I didn't mean inappropriately.  I just made it up, like what it should mean.

I should have said so.

A Nuisance

He kept smiling trying to think I submit to him.  Why is he in my life again?  Sure, I'd want a healthy relationship.  Wasn't I independent?

Problem

My dad is going in and saying maybe I'm not that good and need the poor man's reward.

Serious Talk

Why doesn't my dad go "touch" someone else?  I'm no more worthless.  None of what's going on is right.  Maybe, he should touch himself.  :(  I'm not serious.

What's not right is the idea that just because he's my dad I should be susceptible to him when I already fit in in the world.

Unfair Social Life in My Life Somehow

I fear everyone, the people experimenting on me, might now jump on the bandwagon with whatever anyone mean wants to do to me or what my dad does.

This post is addressed to whoever finds it interesting.  Also, it worries me, like I have to notice it myself at least.  I can see this like this huge.

Well

It was a bit bothersome.  What did I do wrong?  Something in the past I didn't agree.

Yea

I always am trying to make good use of my time and enjoy myself and want my parents and people to leave me alone sometimes..

People Being Weird to Me

I don't need insulting secret messages.  My parents.  Also, I'm 28.  No one cares about my situation.

Suffering in Private

I put up with stuff from certain people in private.

I think I just did what I was told, too, but they still got mad.

I am 28.

Why am I being threatened like a kid?  I didn't do anything.  I need my freedom of speech to discuss problems.  I can see my life going down a spiral.  (?)

cont.

It's important.

(I dunno why the last post posted already.)

My dad needs to stop being able to boss people around.  That's impolite.

I don't get it.

Why be so harsh on where my thoughts take me, tho?  This is making me uncomfortable.  What could happen next?

This is just hyperactive psycho-ness, and in general I would not pay any mind.

How You Roll

Why are you testing me so much about being in the moment?  Like, if I mess up a thought it's over.

Why am I getting more ambiguous secret messages?  What did I do now?  Why is it always that I did something?  Not to please my dad.

Why

Is my dad repeating himself and making such an indent with this secret message?  It is not polite for me to even talk about it, so why bring it up?  Is he trying to support someone else in something?

Problem

These people were tacky and managed to say, "I just want you to know you're shit."  Try getting back with me after that.  The text never used to blink during Word Wrap  I find these glitches to be suggestive.

I had a pretty good night late last night-

I awoke to some sensitive communications "that I can't have" basically a relationship with someone cuz of something I did.. when they slyly put something into my life I merely typed a lot about what bothered me in relation to the nature and disposition sorta of the message.  So what?  I said I liked the message, tho.  I had a lotta typing, tho.  Why does this recurringly pop up?  It's my dad, and my mom follows suit.  I already tried to take back my parents's marriage, but they don't care that they had problems raising my brother.  Why should I listen to someone deciding something for me or someone else like this?  And my brother's gone, getting his Masters this year and has an apartment.  Me, I have nothing, just my mean parents who I moved here to live with cuz I liked them better than the stuck up, sloppy kids left in the college dorms I was at.  The people outside are making annoying, disturbing noises, too.  Like, the cars go by and make a certain presentation of dragging you into their worthless banter.

I guess all you can say is I don't have to listen to my dad, but this is a shadow hanging over me.  I will not listen to these things to do with my dad.  Why is he in my life, now?  I mean with these kinds of things.  Or anything at all?

The other thing is did someone else purposely make the same decision as my dad?  If so, what can I do to change that?  It seems it's ruined for no reason, already.  Why does it matter what I did?  They have no rules of behavior.  Is there a problem, anyway?  I feel like being good doesn't mean anything to them and it brings me pain to do it for them.  I do like to be good anyway, tho, so I suppose that is how that works out.

But yea, anyway, my dad is so into saying I don't deserve this relationship.  I don't like it, he probably would even spurt out it doesn't matter.

About their marriage, I mean a split would be healthy.  I'm worried to leave them alone, sorta.  Just the nature of it.  We were gonna have a nice life, where my mom was with my brother and my dad gets to move and get a job and me in college..

Ah!

I feel I have a responsibility to this blog.  Can't we say what I do wrong before and separate from now?  I just feel so tested.  I don't think it's right.  I wouldn't do it..  It looks weird.  I feel they already decided I was rebellious in quiet way, but it doesn't matter and I'm not.  What is going on?  I'm just asking what's going on, not like saying it weirdly.  I'll just try again.  I need some outlet.  Seems it's this problems blog.

So, I will try not to run into bad thoughts.  I found that to be a problem today.  I was doing laundry and was criticizing people in my head.

Hm, Anger Management is on.  I shouldn't take this seriously.  I took it too seriously.

It's rather sad how I went insane a little when I came home tonight.  You can just forget about me and my foolishness.  I wonder how I can be a help.  1 thing I know is I can do the towels, too.  Dishes.  Not much to do.  I can sing on video for the kids to look me up.  Fun for me.  I wonder if there is real volunteer work I can do that would lead to money, like helping with poor and war.

I feel it is so hard to function and when I get upset sometimes.  I don't wanna get mad at people.  I am sorry I did.  I think I was mad.

I can get my Gramma a card.

"Don't let your past get in the way of your future."  They just said that on TV.  Credit doesn't matter.  I have bad credit so it's hard to move.

What else?  That was a good session.  I wonder if IMDb will be a good influence.  Only place where people are there often.  I just feel I am in trouble for life no matter what I do and it could spark anger in me of the guilt, you know?  Just for things I list on my site..  Not sure how bad.  People said I was good mostly.  That's just a few things not like big violent things all the time with a big attitude.  I am so careful.  I am good, too.  I am serious about things that need to be serious about.  I tried to change finally and be a bit more friendly, too.

Things may go wrong, I hope not, here I go.  I am getting better at ignoring.  I hope I don't get crazy minus the any reason why.  It is too late, so I must just be helpful.  I think I am in trouble for wanting to be left alone, need to be gentle around my mom with cancer.  I am a bit weird and stuff and need to stop.  If they say I'm someone else, so be it.  There probably is a reason.

So, I hope that I do good work in how I act and whatever else I do.  I do want a place in life in a career.  I wish we would help people more.  Maybe, I should read the military.  And the poor.  Spread awareness.  It's interesting.  Also, tho, you never know what's not even on this earth.  There could be problems in other parts of the universe.

I did notice people in Orlando do these things, get upset for no reason.

So, I am trying to accept what my parents do for others in how they act at home, but I'm alone now.  I decided but didn't really seem to find anything to do with it myself.  I thought about the real life situation.  It seemed awkward and not right in some ways.

Sorry.

Problem

They keep loading the computer racistly and like they're all that, like "at a quick moment" all the time or something or a perky delay.

I know you done wrong.

I can almost sense the pleasure of this punishing me going around.

I came on here to disclaim my fate.

(Disclaimer: These are how my thoughts came out.  Sorry they are not all pleasant terminology.)

Some things made me upset, but I know I'm supposed to not be ultimately upset.  I figured it was my parents's fault, too, but like it was and it wasn't, which is saddening it means people I like have to be mean to me .. -like- you know the saying "to feel cool" or "popular" seems the thing going around wasting my life away all these people.

I don't remember what my dad did.  Something's up, tho.

My mom upset me, and I just reacted to myself like.  She said something to me for not being in a perfect situation even I think.  She's starting to act snobbish when I come home.  I think someone told everyone they can't really talk to me.  How selfish and false is that?  No one cares how you feel about being mean to me and hiding it by making it look like I started it.

There's no anyone I know coming in my life and telling me how close I can't get to people outside'a my fam!

Sorry, I'd like to stay positive, but it'll take me another mental reboot I see to have a change of heart.

So what if "I wish I didn't do it?"  Why sit there and just pick at me for not being perfect?  That's a mean thing to suggest to me.

I don't feel relaxed and ready for the night.  Why am I getting mean messages from my parents etc. all the time?  I just came here to disclaim with my true feelings.. whatever that might be.. and I realized something else someone did.  They think if I talk how they feel is snooty, "I gave in."  I ain't interested in that!!  You can't tell me what team I'm on.

I'm just talking, not being "obviously" sarcastic at all.  What did I say.. "no one cares" about you being mean to me and you can't tell me what I think.  Well, I get mean vibes from people every day, and I ain't gonna take it.  No one can tell me what I think and what I am.

There, did I break the Jenga board.

I have a right to complain, especially with them acting inappropriate around me and rubbing in things I don't like.

It's not so much if you stop as if you can't stop now and think I did something.

So, what it was was I said someone was selfish to coordinate taking away my relationships like relationships don't matter.  They act like I'm unpresentable, maybe even just from being fat and too poor for nice clothes.  We don't wear dresses, these days.  They won't leave me alone for all these things.  Maybe, you just made me submit into ugliness.  Learn to live with your mistake.  So, this is what brings a smile to your face that you did it and I didn't.

I do not mean to be mean, I felt like I lost it.  I read it back a few times.

Oh, and about the other people.  I don't know why, I just wanted to get away and not talk about it.  I will try to ignore it.  I was thinking, how can I ignore something like that?

Guess I should try to ignore..

..I'm not so cool tho on doing these things that supposedly could be however long.

Sorry if I said anything.

So, they are pretty much harmful to me and won't leave me alone all the time.  So it seems.  I mean, thruout the day at least.

They've been doing it for a long time.  My dad is so annoying, too.  I have a right to state that.  Mean, hurtful..

You all and my dad keep trapping me and ruining my life.

I had to make my way on here to say I didn't submit to someone, and now people are pestering me that they are.  Also, my dad was being to close and thinks he "did it."

Problem

They won't stop bugging me pretending to be a certain person and making up things.

Apology

Sorry, I just get mad when my life is overturned by something small when it probably does not matter like that.  I don't know how to rephrase some things sometimes.  Maybe, I'm not all awake and seeing things.  I am being bothered, that's for sure.

These people are messed up, keep acting weird like they are a certain person which isn't nice.  Like making that person seem weird and acting like it.  I don't think I should take this as true.

My forehead is really bothering me.  I feel so much gravity on it

How Nasty

My dad.  I heard a secret message saying, "What do you want [some person] boxed up in ***?"  or, "What do you want for that.."

I said we don't want you changing up civilization for your ways.  My dad, he just got home and I feel my forehead thick in a bad, dorky way.  How perverted and pathetic.

I figured out what I meant.

I like someone, but they are disfiguring their image and saying I like it like that, confusing me.  I might like to be like other people in that way, but they are rubbing it in.  Sorry, but I really like didn't know what to do.

Why I'm Upset

I'm just upset I said something that made them get picky to me.  I was kinda in a weird mood, as usual, so I guess it's hard to change.  I don't submit myself to these people's ways.

New Video of Me Talking

Just So You Know

2 people used to be nice to me before I thought or said some things and now they either don't show themselves up or maybe finally got tired of paying attention to me tho seem mad too.  They didn't make a reservation in advance saying what they did and didn't like people doing.  I don't want you all to make my life bad.  I feel notorious and revealed and stuff.

Someone said I couldn't say they were mean to me and have fun with other people.  They think I deserve to be mistreated.  For cursing that they put noises in my room.  But why should that matter?

Why you gotta act like I did something wrong by torturing me to get a "negative response?"  Why you so picky about what I say, anyway?  I don't mean anything bad.

But I don't like this and know you're just punishing me or really incompetent.  They're picking on me while I post here.  They can see me in my room.  Why don't you deal with this?  I deserve to be at peace.

I don't care about your agreement, you hurt me again today.  What is wrong with you people?  You keep treating me like I'm not a normal person, too, and have to deal with this.

Stop attacking me with someone I'm supposed to pay special respect to, VooDoo.

Stop telling me suggestive things to stimulate me using the identity of a real person.  I don't care if my dad says I have to talk to someone I don't like as much, how else you wanna say it, criminal??  In a way I don't like and when I don't want that to be a key person in the way of my life by bothering me in my room.

Upset

Someone thinks my possible future babies should be affected badly.  They did it on someone else's "so they say."

Really Upset

Someone stopped posting normally after I thought of a joke cuz I was mad and it just seemed funny and to make sense.  It's rather suggestive and self-afflicting.  I loved his posts..

So

What was the point of the night?

Also, they are imprinting things on me like they have to happen.  I can't really keep up.

cont.

They are going on!

Problem

They are still being mean.  They said looking down at my possible future daughter is "hypnotized."  I don't want that lodged in my head.

More Problems

The light was on late, too.

cont.

like a younger sister or future daughter!

Problem

They said I'd be that person I said I don't wanna be like in gymnastics, and I started at 1 3/4 til 8.

Weird

No one ever comes out and does the dishes like that.

So..

..I had to put in my ear plugs.

More

Someone is smashing dishes in the kitchen.

Now what?

Someone outside was sending me a message that I said something.  No, I was not trying to annoy anyone.  I just was reporting cuz it made me feel uncomfortable.  They keep acting like I need to be punished and making me feel indecent.  How do I know who sent the message?

Problem

They keep making me feel like I'm bad and "can't have 'what I want.'"  Like it's crazy.  Crazy to want something, a certain something, without good reason.

Irritated

I think they are extending the experiment to next door picking at me for something.  I hear their vent went on just now..  They are always outside to stimulate me when I go out.

cont.

"I know saying I don't wanna be like someone 'magically' means I will be more like them," but I don't wanna totally honestly be like that person.  They've been suggesting it a lot and in ways I don't like, and it seems they could do it.

Apology

I had a panic attack and didn't know what else to say nor if it were really bad.  About not wanting to be someone other than myself.  It's what I mean, I just can't figure out how else to say it.  Maybe, it takes too much time to figure out.  Anyway, I realized they said it inappropriately.  They said they wanted a game.  I feel a game going on.  Um.. I dunno, I don't like that I was put on the spot and inappropriately.

cont.

They keep saying bad things using this person.  It is not nice to the person.

cont.

And I had "missed a spot" not saving something..

cont.

I like everyone, but I don't wanna be anyone else.  They also made my internet stop working when I was about to post this.

Stop

They said I was someone I don't wanna be.

STOP

Stop irritating me.

What, I was upset about what I found out about someone?  And you lied about what someone really meant?  And you said what I said not what I really think/"said?"

Stop

Quit telling me I'm wrong.  I can't just listen to just anything!  If you leave me alone, things'd be fine.  You are even making fun of me for falling into a feeling of submission with someone, like I like it.

Problem

They are playing with a part of my body so I can't feel love.   I don't want to feel this from that person.

cont.

So, what went wrong?  "Why you be all up in my face?"  CAN'T YOU JUST CALM DOWN?

cont.

I hope there's nothing wrong with the fact I said something.  I don't want anyone mean in charge.  I was good and didn't say anything at 1st, but then I knew I had to "let the cat out of the bag."  Believe it.  I think I finished my statement.  :)  Just look and read and then think, and hopefully you will find a complete sentence/statement.

cont.

I care about everyone, if I could.

How It's Going

I do not like the silly references to a certain person in my life I know.  They keep acting like they can command whatever they chose of me, be it totally wrong or bad.  They are being suggestive, wrong, and bad, this person or whoever is pretending to be them.  Is it okay to say that?

Like, oh, you can't have this or that in a relationship.  "Just d**."

I didn't do anything, by the way.  I got upset at 1st and then realized it was probably important to not let stray thoughts enter my mind.  They sorta attacked me and tried to get me to submit in a way that made me uncomfortable.  I don't know what they want in their part with me.  This can't go on.  I am merely saying what is happening.  Yet, I feel so threatened.  It's that same problem coming back to bite me.

So, yea, sorry if you consider anything I've said in these last 2 posts inappropriate.  I don't know.  You didn't tell me.

To Clarify

That would include saying oh Christina has to be so careful in thinking cuz she's really bad or else she can't know someone she knows.  What do you have to say about doing that to someone??  What would you have to say???  Is it an inappropriate question?  No one said, Christina you cannot say nor do this or that or else you don't get something big you otherwise would have gotten, be that as it may ("whatever they choose.")  I am merely reporting/apologizing.  I am sorry if I messed anything up for anyone else, but don't believe I have.

My life is made to be explored, not to be told what to do out of a joke.  What happened?  Now, I cannot trust anyone.  You've all gone mad and "drunk?"  No offense.

The Report of How It Went? OK??

So, I tried to be respectful, but I will not be abused and made to submit to someone for bad reasons just because I felt upset at something upsetting, at 1st.  I'm also not here to play games like this.  I'm not here to let any of this happen now nor in my future.

Food for Thought

The only weird thing about having famous people know people in my life is is it appropriate?  I'm thinking why don't I know more people?  I see no one comments on my blog, neither.

It is a bit uncomfortable for me cuz it's like a feeling that I don't have a chance, just TBH (to be honest.)  It's like they stole my chance or didn't make it on their own.  Lotta people coulda made it big.  It must make them very happy.

To Clear Something Up

I kept feeling attacked about someone.

...I don't remember what I was talking about.

How sure can I be?

How sure can I be of some things?  I thought my dad made me do something.  I can faintly tell.  I know it was an accident.  It seemed like he had done it, like when people make you think of a bad thought and act like you did it.

Ugh! Another Explanation

I was in the bathroom, and I felt like I wanted people to know if I thought of something or what my experience was.  I'm used to having someone who loved me watch me for awhile supposedly.  I always "say" no, but I mean it was a little fun.  So, I say no.  I don't need anyone to watch me all the time.  I also communicate via my blog, tho.

Stuck Up Posse

Why are all the people I like conversing with those I am uncomfortable with who know me?  I saw someone speed in and out of my situation convincing extended family all to hate on me.  My dad didn't want me to visit them, anymore, cuz I changed my mind like 3 times, but he didn't say that.  I don't want like say my best friend to get too close to my parents.  I have a right to discuss this.  That's like having a boyfriend and having your nuisance of a father meeting up with him for a long time.  Or your mom talking to much to your favorite teacher??

Snide

Someone says nope I want Christina to get bothered all day by someone changing when things happen on my computer screen to send secret, annoying messages and noises in my room .. as well as the messages via people I see even or who know me.  Christina deserves it.  She said she didn't.  So, she does.  That's criminal.  No one has this happen to them.  You think it's funny..seriously?  If everyone says I'm so good, how is this teaching me anything/a lesson?  Are you capable of doing that?  I don't know about what you think the sum of my message means and what I really think, but it's not a nasty letter.  What a waste of my life and time.

Mad?

Trying to damage me thinking I won't wonder what just happened?  I guess some things are unfortunate.  I wouldn't do it (the punishment to someone else,) neither, just saying what seems logical to follow the questions.

If I fight about it even to prevent it happening to others would get someone mad and they wouldn't care if they do those things.

I think supposedly I didn't experience enough damage.

I don't claim to have done the deed on purpose.  I am sure my dad did it, made me think it.  I do not think what was thought by accident in the heat of the moment.

I'm guessing I hurt others's feelings by saying they hurt me or would hurt someone else, but I don't mean to bring it up all like that.

You know, I used to always be considered a nice person, and it was an accident wherein I can track I was framed selfishly.

All I can say is sorry..  Okay, then?  I thought I should explain why I experienced a reaction with my 1st section of writing.  The rest is in case.

Woah!

My mom woke up and kept at it, secret messages in the sounds she made.  I accidentally thought of the term "piece of s***."  Then, I just realized, she kept doing it and more words came to mind that I tried to gloss out.  I can't seem to think without the curse words, as of an encounter with a few people in 2009.  I just have to sift thru my thoughts somehow, but I don't mean the nastiness in those terms.  I know I was set up to think the and then to get in trouble for it.  I didn't say it.  I was doing my laundry.  The sad thing is she was just being tacky and got mad I thought for her to leave me alone.  It's just a warning sign to let me gain composure.  I don't know why when I see my dad or mom I forget to ignore them.  That's my strategy.  I was doing hard labor.  It's harder to think then!  I didn't mean the words.  What about me being bugged?  You think it's just "trash?"  Or doesn't matter?  I am quite certain the curse words came to mind because the word "trash" did deep in my subconscious.  It's an inappropriate term lodged in from things like teachers when I was a kid/preteen.  I know it makes other curse words come up just to avoid it.  When I ignore people, I tend to think that what they did was the S word.  I am not talking to them but myself.  They somehow know, tho.  I don't think anyone else gets in trouble for cursing.  I don't mean it, but it comes up when no other feeling will in its place and meaning.  I'm so sorry.  Maybe, my mom didn't mean anything.  I need to get this straightened out.  It makes sense to think "what" someone did as the S word but not your parents.  They might be that way, but you don't say it.  It might come up "in the heat of the moment."  My dad and mom keep putting stress on me when I'm with them so I can't think and just hear their insults and keep thinking, "Leave me alone," and, "Stop."  They think that's bad, I swear.  So, then, the next insult comes.  I don't mean it, but I can't seem to deal with my thoughts when I'm there.  I do gloss over the curse words and say to myself quickly I don't mean it.