Why is everyone in the media acting like I need a lesson?  Who do you think I am and what do you think you're doing?

Problem

How is it spreading around that I'm bad cuz I hit something every day for a week when I was into being cool like Ellen with short blonde hair?  I am not gonna live without that cool stuff.  I earned it.  My hitting, so what, I was in my room, it was my sofa you were mad about hitting.  You don't have the right to ruin my life.  What's so bad about that?  I was mad at people.

I also just heard a commercial where someone acted like they imagined me mad at counselors at my community college.  It was so long and ranting.

I have lost respect for the things that are done against me by others who supposedly are caring.

You know, I just think you can't do that and that this situation is nothing like what you fabricate it to be.  I can't wait to see you lose it and get moody, again, yourself.  Why were you guys at me?!

Threats

I feel the topic of me d*ing is touched on in secret message by my dad and someone else.  Like, "Life's short."

They won't stop and pushed me away to someone in a way I don't like.

I thought I heard someone dancing and jiving to dividing up my head into a few parts rather than being a single entity.

Upset

I am upset that things didn't go right it seems recently when I see my dad and come in sorta ready but then I'm not.

Yup

They won't stop.

Problem

As I turned my computer off, I realized they had made the wait symbol on a still page and made a movement for a personal flair, fyi probably someone else thinking they can be my mom instead because I need an older mom but in a bad way, like I "need" it.  I dunno, I was going to watch TV, and it bothered me.  They'll do something else again, but at least you know they're doing it.  I know why they do it again, too.  Someone wants it like that.

Also, it takes awhile to load the page to post to my blog, and I don't know why.

Pathetic

My dad reached over and said I couldn't do something in a relationship with someone secretly and I automatically thought of a carton version of cutting it off.  He did it on purpose to copy his mom's strategy.  I kept thinking of him to leave me alone with his problems always testing me by insulting me in secret message, acting now like the experimenters do stuff for him and "it's okay."  He has nasty thoughts about people who really nice to me.

So, what is his problem?  Is it pathetically that one thing I did when I was 11?  That's not okay.  I want my life back.  I don't want him in it like that like before.

Another Joke

It's sad to joke about something like being a daughter.  I should not be too important, but sometimes he initiates weird thoughts for some reason, that don't make sense, like I'm important but I think I'm not.

There were 2 things, but now I just remember 1.  My dad should not feel bad about - oh I remember - joked about being insignificant even if he does something I hate.  Also, the joke about how my mom and I both had cancer but not him, it was bound to come to mind.

Wai Wai Wait

I walk in everyone beats me up emotionally and if one bad word flares up as an idea I can't have something?  How is that to treat a lady?

They messed up my drawing/writing things.

When I said small, shoulda said babyish.  Sorry..

They had someone say in a tacky small way, "You can NEVA perform with him."

There's always that danger in me.  What to do?

My dad is inflicting bad feelings in me.  They made me think of a bad word.  He asked how long something takes in symbol of waiting for a no because of them, because of him, I'm stuck with him as having been in my life like that.

I'm sorry you saw me vicious, but you might see me get upset again.  I was just upset at having to report all these things and was also confused as to solving the original problem of everyone else saying people deserve d**** for what they did.  Are you afraid I'd go down that route?  I'm not.  I just felt offended and the thought came up.  Maybe, I shouldn't have said I meant it.  I did temper the idea and do it on myself.  I dunno what to do.  I can't just go around never thinking of anything that isn't just "happy happy joy joy."  This is where some of you people out there have a real problem.  This is what happened.  It's like I said later, something came up and the negativity made me feel at ease tho I didn't mean it, was worthless.  Just like a settling thought ot end.  Sorry!  I did ask for help..

saying it's like my dad.. I don't want him in my life like that

Now, they're dissing the supposed kids they're not supposed to be pretending.

These messages aren't stopping.  I didn't want my dad involved with someone who doesn't even like me pretending I have kids.  If someone else wants my mom to pretend they have kids is up to them.

I showed my parents my clean room and my dad coughed and touched my Nutcracker claiming he needed to switch something in the garage.

The name implies someone I will remember, the ice cream cone, for a long time.  That's very hurtful.  I still stand by that I was been mean to and needed a release with others not just them doing it and not me.

You may be in danger if you listen to my dad and are mean to me.

I don't mean permanent estrangement, just in general.  That's how it was.  Things were better off that way in most ways.

My dad shouldn't even be in my life again.  He's being awfully mean with it.

Problem

My dad won't stop insulting in secret message, making sounds sound like words.

When will he and the people experimenting on me and watching me get it .. get what?  Something like that no one cares about your "important" insults.

I don't wanna be the loser with these mean people talking to me via people watching me in my room while the rest of the people I see all don't do it and think they're all that like I was.

I keep getting strangers who seem to communicate with people experimenting on me.  The 1st person who added me on this Google account is holding an ice cream cone like someone else was trying to look like someone but sending a mean message.  It made me think of something funny I think other people liked.  I was reluctant to put in this excessing effort to explain what happened to me.  It upsets me who mighta done these things, like I'm not important and someone else is more important in a strange way.  I dunno what was strange about it.  I think it's a Middle Eastern person, too.  I think it's the fact that it's a normal person involved and it's the only person in my Google circle.  I feel made fun of.  So what if I thought of something funny when someone was mean anyway?  It seemed like it needed to get out and other people do it, not to you, but between us!  I've even said that at the top of this blog.  I don't mean to be mean, but sometimes I'm not about some things.  I was worried why it seemed to make sense.  I just am getting irritated at anything from the experiment, preventing me from succeeding probably due to my dad.  I don't like how I am being held trapped by these mean people.  I don't have any privacy.  They'll start clicking.  Good for you.  I wonder if you "can't take a joke."  I dunno, I just noticed something and needed it because it was so mean.  I don't really get it.  It's not the fact that it's unsettling that makes me upset.  I just heard a noise, too.  I feel that my dad is making it so I can't function.  Also, we all need a little joke and it was not for you.  So, see if anyone can figure that out, a better alternative?  Don't you laugh at me a lot?  You do wrong things to me.  I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I think maybe they are looking for too much pity from me.  So, I was already sorry and played the joke on myself.  Other people joke about d**** and get away with it.  It was more how I saw the mistake part.  It wasn't to hurt a tender spot or something.  I feel something bad coming on.  People just judge me and hurt me.  What's wrong now?  Is it something from the past?  Did you want an explanation?  I just am kinda fed up, maybe with this person..  So, I am sorry if anything was wrong.  Something wrong was done to me.  I was merely dealing with it.  I just heard another noise that says I can't have my race, if it's French part of it..  Look, I'm not listening to this.  I don't need to say it over and over again.  I'll post this somewhere.  As I was saying, it was not intended to hurt anyone and they were not who the release was for, but sorry and if anyone can fix it would be nice.  I thought that when I thought that.  Sorry!

How do you feel about k***ing people

just to annoy me?

I am sorry I must have offended suggesting people believed someone k***ed people.

They're being testy to me now about k***ing another old person.

You are bad, did you know that?  You have no right to do this to me.

Quit lying, I can say that this person has been creeping me out or others saying that people secretly d** for them, whoever had them do it.  These deaths in Hollywood are suspicious.  Something must be going on.

I am not a waste.  You can't say I grew up trasing my life.  You're just being sarcastic.  You threw away my life, teachers and my parents.  You made school worthless, and your kids are doing worthless things to me and saying I started this and I started that.

I just came to apologize, not collect you never ceasing unfairness to me cuz you're just racist and irratical.

Don't tell me I did anything.  They just blurted out a date, too.  What if I thought of it then?  This never happened before.  You said that to think it on that date.

Quit pushing me over and manipulating my life.  You've all done some bad things to me and apparently others.  You're not there for me.  No one is.  I'm stuck with what I don't like and people acting all warbly and unsure around me all the time making me feel bad, interfering my life with my crazy dad.  Leave him alone.  I don't know why he changes from good to bad.  This has gotta stop.

I posted this to ask what people feel about like having old people die at a certain time to send a message.  Also, the deaths in Hollywood.  It's like they all moved to some secret place or with aliens.  I'm not quitting this world.

I thought you just cared what my dad said?  No one cares!

Wow, the truth must have really burst your bubble.

They are marring my body by tapping in.

We shouldn't do anything for this person cuz it's all about being against me like she's all that.

Stop nagging at me all day.

They are being vicious and forceful.  How pathetic.  That person is involved.

Stop saying I'm attacking.

Just lying it's not you.

This person is a mad attacker.

Is anyone out there?  Can you help me?  This person is superstitiously insane.

Quit getting at me for stuff that has an explanation.  Just quit ruining my life!

Oh, you see a real insect?  Well, I don't.

cont.

bit that this person won't stop insecting in my life.

Problem

This person won't stop messing with me.

They want to pretend someone I like can't hug me.  I don't like that kinda stuff, neither, tho.

OK, this is big.

Someone who started something with me is acting meanly back like I did something I shouldn't do.

You know what really bothered me.

My dad seemed mad, or I just guessed he was.. I think I guessed right.  :o

So, I am so sorry for my "disordered" judgements in speaking about my dad and hope that things are well.

My dad is switching between thinking it's important to be nice to me and that I should be "deleted."

Also, they are setting aside someone else or others as taking over and me not having what I earned in life and in my reputation.  People are just annoyed at the clothes I wear and stuff being poor.

I thought I was on better terms.  Wonder what went wrong.  It seems they have to feel this way, like my life doesn't matter how it used to.

I agree..

..my dad keeps flaring up with some nasty thoughts.

Feeling Bad But Better

I don't feel m*****ed after eating.  Too bad I said so much, but it was hard to describe.  I hope it's for the better.  It is a Problems blog, after all.  I didn't try to be nasty.  I foresee more in the future.

Let's not criticize how many posts - but sum it up and say why make me feel m*****ed?  Not "because he's yir dad."  Some people don't like their parents as much as others in that way.

They're still being mean to me.

I don't wanna be turned on like this.

I don't want to do this.

If my dad does something that means he can't get close to someone does not mean I suffer the same way.

Things won't work out with me and others cuza my dad.  Like, they think I'm kinda touchy feely like him.  You know, those men who wanna touch you who you don't wanna touch them.  He can be nice, but he doesn't chose to be.

I think I made a big deal, but why do I feel so bad around my dad when I'm trying to function?  He's so often mad and steels feelings from me.

If you don't love me, you need to take a step back and leave me alone.

There, I did it.  Get this foulness outta my life, this constant blaming and fingerpointing in secret to where I can't get a hold of the problem and say to stop cuz it's all done in secret and I get yelled at and "thrown out."

I can see now why they did what they did.  Still, I get to decide how much I have to be with someone.

You can't do this to me.  You're bad.  See if you can live with that-

I don't need this person's nose in my life nosing at everything.  I don't even want them in my private life.

I feel like m***********.

We are more who we developed to be as children and teenagers than simply a product of our parents and families.  You can be that way but not me.

I'm not here to be played with every day by people with cameras and mics around my room.  It's my life, and I'm here to get you off.

This person should not be involved in my life.  How could I go to school or work or function with these things slowing me down?  I do not need to be warmed by them.

I don't mean to be mean but I really felt m*****ed.

I know this person is not as personal but attempts to touch all of me in a way I don't like anyone to.  I don't like the judgements that are placed on me that I'm just like my mom or something and there to be played with like a toy cuz I'm not like that.

And if you have a big problem how was I so so rude unjustifiably?  I just said the kinds of phrases most say.  I am being totally insulted by someone to feel stimulated in hatred.

So, I'm not getting close to anyone as in letting them touch me in ways if I don't want them to.

I don't want to be thought of being like parents and ancestors in bad ways.

Someone is trying to stimulate me with too much attention from some people.

I guess no one cares about me if I'm left to this criminal.

See, this person is just a problem to me.  I have no need to talk to them.

I don't ever want this person/these people in my private life.

I want this feeling to stop and go away.  I feel like hurting myself and d**ing.

My last post is in reference to a secret crime message, very immature.

I don't even wanna play with you so get your hands off me.

People won't stop messing with me.  Sometimes, I don't wanna feel something from someone and it's insulting.  I am also getting immature death threats in secret message.

This is important.  I feel r**** or m*******.  It wasn't like this before.  I feel threatened it will happen no matter what I do or where I go, my parents will follow me, my strange dad.  What's wrong with him??  It's just important.  I'm not making fun of anyone.

They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.

They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.

My Google Chrome is slowing down.

Problem

Someone is getting people not to be close to me and one in particular has thrown in the towel as a person.

They made it take a long time for my Ello to load on the choice browser.

They're wasting my time too making me stop and think about what they say, which is just mean stuff.

They are talking meanly to me and wasting my time.  They are talking about how I pressed a button when they were manipulating something on my computer.  Now, it's funny when I type.

cont.

Like, they insist on things that linger as negativity.

I think someone is making someone mean to me cuz they got me upset when visiting.  It's not a "smart" idea, and I can do whatever I want and you started it.  Everything they do has a negative message.  I'm not just someone to be played around with cuza my "failures to find success."

It's interesting how you expect the desired effect for your actions.

Problem

They're acting like someone all the time and in a way I don't like.

When Evil Does It

I thought of something bad sorta on autopilot to my dad.  I don't mean it, but it helped quell my anger.  Same about the people experimenting on me but not as bad.  I'm very sorry and would like real help to get better, not "I can't be happy/okay about myself for a day."  That will happen every day by accident if I'm treated so badly.

They are acting mean but like someone, too, which is the thing they started when I woke up and was waiting for breakfast.  I said not to fight me and not to invade my life, but they refuse to listen.  They again think they have something on me, but I think/feel I have something on them for sending mean secret messages.  On my Facebook page, I said, "Please speak now or forever hold your peace."  No one cares nor finds it, I bet.  All I did was take off an outlet of them for communicating to me annoyingly that was unrelated.  So what?  I didn't do anything I shouldn't have.  They did..  I did even take that back!  At least the anger of it.

I figured maybe I was being punished partially via giving attention to someone else.  I hope my mom did not just k*** me.  Okay, so I was not okay with it.  But I was gonna try and accept that people do this.  Maybe, someday, it won't be this way or someone else won't have to do it.  It's fine to pay a lotta attention to others, of course.  What else can you say?  I just think it does seem a bit heroes-skelter.  I wish we could just be normal and not have this underlying drama.  Some of it does not make sense, like the way the people who run The Voice are.

I say one day not like this, but I do want the person to be active in her desires or in the world and my life.

I just want to be good in a way among other things of course.  I don't see what's going on..  You can't get mad at me for weird reasons, like flunking when I'm a good person and student.

Why are you bothering me?  Everything you say hurts me.  I could get sick.  I already am.

Why does that intimidate you?  Where are you from?  I have to look out for myself, just wondering why I sound intimidating.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

They sent me another message just to make it so I see it and you don't.

I don't need you in the shadows telling me a successful relationship is undeserved.  I understand you are socially inept.

I am upset at what it is, and they acted like it's my Gramma again saying "it must be re-Lated."  Well, it's not okay.  And yes that's the message I got from her.  Now, what's relating?  Stop making fun of me like it's some big, interesting exchange of drama where I'm bemusedly in trouble suddenly to perfect your world.  I'm here to get thru to what needs to be gotten thru to.  Not to be superstitious.

After I finished all that, they reveled in tossing it away and insulting me with something new..

I see I'm being teased and called s*** by my mom in secret message.  I figured out what it really said, that we need to la dee da follow me around when I iconize someone and give full reign to a certain person.  It's the la dee da that doesn't make sense.  I will not accept it as punishment for cursing about noises in my room, so I hope that's not what it is for you all but think it is in a way for some.  So..tell me why I should be sorry and no one else should take back what they did to me.  I don't need someone marring the rest of my life because of their being uptight and hating of life.  Come on, I need to be able to deal with this.

Why is my mom keep on insulting me?  What kinda mom is that?  Is she crazy?

I know who did this just makes fun of what I do for fun like what I say means nothing.  Why is this life for me?  Why is this so easy to talk about?


And no, as my mom asked, what I get does not automatically go to someone else.

She just pulled out the laundry thing loudly and I am worried it could eventually injure me, her taking out anger of her cancer on me!  Thanks to you others who actually don't care and did it!  You are mean to me!  I felt something in my brain.  I feel threatened of I make a sudden move to get her back and show her who's in charge of me.  I don't have the city to fall back on..


I don't wanna be that close to these people, my parents.  I didn't try to be.  It's sick.  Some other people are kinda like this.  Sometimes they make one side stimulated like they're getting back and saying I'm shit for telling someone my skin was 2 different colors.  That's just what they're doing, I'm not in spite at the people I told for that.

My mom keeps waltzing around insulting me like this person means all that and I mean nothing, what she's doing is all I'm saying.  She is just a spiteful, crazy, blaming lady who is convinced she is perfect.

And stop suggesting things to me like maybe I want someone else to take her place, especially someone who's rubbed in in a way I don't like.  You already know I don't like that and are k***ing me.

She keeps making noises in secret message that are really mean.

I will not be governed by my parents nor someone else saying everything I do goes to someone else.  I make my own achievements.  I am not spoiled and a brat..  No offense to anyone, but would you mind?  You know what you all done in my past?  I have several reasons for not liking this.  I don't wanna do this so you "have my dad's back" etc.  I don't do it cuz I know it's just an insult inserting this person's name.

I'm not saying my mom is just a bad person.  She just has a hard time.  I don't believe most people can just be bad.  Maybe, they are moral slobs with just someone like me, tho, which also makes me not wanna believe it.


What have I done?  I don't work??  I'm trying to be a performing artist.  You don't even want me back in college much less think I could work a minimum wage job when I am used to desk work.  The medicines made me go over the cliff.  How will i get better now?  I don't like being stuck in my room with my parents about the house.  I wanted a career or some way to function living with them, but I can't have that.  It seems I should stay here for now, but I used to tell people college was bad and asked about their getting higher degrees but about my decision to spend time with my parents and live at home.  I did go to college here at first but stopped after I failed after a lotta work at an easy community college.  I don't have a note to get back in, neither, and it's the easy college.  I wanna go back and study online.  Summer is coming up and I can't go to Disney then.


I've been trying to respect everyone, but I am apalled at what I keep getting back from someone.  I feel people find me apalling, as well for being a bit overweight.  You don't do that to everyone who's overweight.  I think someone or some people helped make that someone apall me, as in like disappoint and "hurt my feelings" if you know what that means you all still..  Life is coming to an end for some of us and for others it's just at its peak of responsibility.  Obviously, I don't like how time flew these past 10 years and how hectic it was.  I don't know what needs to happen.  I'm just saying.  You can say that you've become cooler as time went on.  I am upset about death myself, but people die by accident.  We probably have souls in the afterlife.  I'm quite sure.  There are always other things to do..  Look, I'm just trying to talk things out some.  My mom was kinda hurting me really, like it's cool, like someone agreed she should get back and fight me for "what" I said and "what" I've done.  People here and in other places attack me.  I can't get back at them.  I won't take this s***, tho.

To close off, I just am trying to lead an okay life.  Look, there's an explanation for everything.  "Look on the bright side."  Heard of or remember that??

They made me think of my eyes when talking about makeup, my dad.

How disgusting, don't fight with me.