About This Blog

Bear in mind, a lotta these posts are of interest to normal people. - This is my diary available online to get help from others. I never mean any harm. My thoughts may appear scattered at times, but I bring it together. Some things may not make sense to you..

Saturday, March 14, 2015

It's not nice to tell me that someone is not doing something for me.  What am I supposed to say?  I already said they don't have to do it.  What more?
It's only up to someone if they have to do something weird you wouldn't tell them to do.

Problem

This person is treating me like a whiny baby, like when people do things for me people do that, and they say mean things so they think I can't unravel what was really said.. when something goes wrong they think with me.

I found it..

link

I just said to stop, caps so what..
I can speak my mind, too?

I was upset and simply got upset when you made it so I felt lesser than before around my mom.  Sorry.
Why are you pretending I'm being mean?

Problem

Also, someone is encouraging me not to be with someone when I think of something common.

Problems

There is a constant muddled light pointy ticking noise in my room after they made it sound like that woman.  It wasn't consistent all day before.  They did something suggestive and took it away when I woke up and something I forget.

Fine

Attack me when I didn't do anything.  See how that looks and plays out.
Now, the page for IMDb is loading more differently, like they have nothing to do all day but bug me.  They said someone else did it.
They won't stop.  They even did it to loading the page.  They're insane.  They think it has to happen.

Worried

Do you still believe I had to have wanted to call someone s---?  I was mad and said I'm not taking that s---.  I didn't try to attack the person.  They probably didn't do it.  This is just like with Ellen.  Besides, it's not like I'm still going.  I was just mad when it happened.  They had been bothering me.  People are always getting at me like I did something.
They won't stop speaking lightly and drastically like they're all that like that person from Australia to punish me for hitting things every weekday when I was into someone from Australia.  So what!!  They were being mean to me.  They can't keep botheirng me with that woman.

Let's hope for better.

Maybe, I won't get mad, so you won't get mad.
How will I get outta being bothered by that lady/those ladies?
I bet they take that seriously.

I dunno if I can find it

and not sure if I need to change it.
Well, I found a way to calm down.  I can almost hear fire crackling in peace.

I bet some people are mad at me for stuff, tho.  Wonder what to do.  Go back and edit?

Sad

Another day worth nothing.

If only

I could have stopped and thought.  What's the point in sending me messages?  I don't like the idea I did somethig unforgivable every time I am upset.
Well, sorry I was so upset.
Well, whatever you really want for you is fine with me.

Friday, March 13, 2015

IMDb - The Soapbox

I am being stalked.

I saw someone I loved from Australia online. The people experimenting on me were mean all week and I hit my sofa and some my table still. They wanted to ruin it for me and gave me this person on Facebook who thinks they're invited to partake in my life while rubbing in that they think I can't like that other person. This person is also from Australia.

https://www.facebook.com/rhonda.schwenn.5 
I'm under suspicion of who all did things, not just my "good ole dad."
Someone is slowing down and altering my schedule, which affected my dad.  They kept waking me up this morning.
LOOK I told you to stop - stop rubbing in this person.  Help!
I got a notification that person posted on the same post of Dr. Phil.
What bothered you today?  I was just reporting what happened.
You never understand anything.  I am not trying to attack someone.  I don't even know who did it or why.
Forget about my dad.
NO I SAID TO STOP
STOP IT
Yer all just racist.

Problem

YOU MADE MY MOM FEEL DIFFERENT AROUND ME - - S T O P
I'm not listening to these weirdos.
Is someone ruining my relationships?  Stop making up stuff to do.  What'd I do?  So what if I thought something was shit?  There was some reason..

What's the message?

Did they make it up for you?

I can't do something, but if I do it has to be tacky on the inside?

You know, I'm pretty sure you said that from someone else.

Why are we even thinking about stuff like that??

OK so what?

Onto saving the world?

I know you're coming in attacking me

for my dad cuz I was just minding my own business and felt steamed out and you was still going.
What have I done mean to you?  You just want me to be in line with  your mistreating me.
Stop..
OK this isn't stopin.  I think they caled my kids the N word.
I got a cake word captcha with definitions this time.
Thansk you slobs for ruining my life.
I just don't want my dad's stink in this.  If you say Asian, maybe I would just get mad.
And stop syaing my kids will look hungry llike her.
I got a picutre Captcha for the first time and it was birthday cakes.  I don't wanna think about this at my future kids's birthday parties.  Get off and igve my me freedom fo speech.
They're being mean..  Trying to be bemused at me.
I wasn't trying to be mean, just factual.  I saw this person up on star meter.  I saw their hate picture to me.  No one can help but decompose it.  What's the significance of that?  She won't take care of herself and leave us alone until she does.
I have the right to be critical like everyone else.
What if this person really threw my life away?
I just tried to say something, and they struck me down like I'm a n****.  You got your work cut out for you in the rest of the world.
Stop talking thru captchas and mixing as the new theme.  No one else deals with your shit.
Stop being mean to me.  Telling me about how to have *** and kids.
Why is my mom telling me to save for something else?  I'm saving to audition for Phantom.  A new computer?  Cuz my old one is broken anyway?  Thanks to someone.
Strop trying to look smart alec.  And quit overanalyzing what I say.  You shouldn't be in my life.
I said to  stop it.
Stop getting someone to insult  me.  We don't care about you.  You criminal.  You can't tell me what to do now.
I SAID TO STOP - I don't wanna hear the cars outside doing this.  Someone call the police.  These people don't matter.
I said no.
Stop telling me what to do.
They won't stop.
Stop being all fancy having annoying people shepherd over me who are beastly.

Problems

Get that weasel out of monkeying around and hurting people.
Now what?  Now what?  What did I do that is illegal?
Someone is just eating away at our lives.
Quit being violent.  Nothing you say seems to be worth anything.  They said my mom's mom was a hamburger.
I said, "Stop."
You're not on top of me.  You don't do anything.
I meant to think harshly.

And don't mess with me emotionally.
I guess I happen to have to wait for you to settle down.  I already said to stop, why would you ask me that?
How do  know you didn't ruin people for me?  Get your nose outta my hole.
These people need to stop messing up my life.
They're a waste of time.
They did something suggestive.
I said no.
Stop hunting people down!
I don't want one hint of your foolishness, thinking I'm off cuz I swung my door hard.  These people won't leave me alone.
Quit acting like I'm bad.
They won't quit making fun of me!
They're making a big deal out of it to say no to something.
I'm sorry altogether, but I thought it was cuza that lady.
Then you'd say they were annoying me with clicks every time I fell asleep and acting close for the 1st time, teasing about when they did it in 2005.

I feel so sedated.

They are telling me I owe someone an apology.  Nah ah, you do.  Stop telling me what certain people do with me.  They just can't keep quiet.  No wonder I don't sleep well.  What about the idea that someone did it?  No apology happening about it.  They're so bemused and monstrous, these people like experimenting on me.

So, yes I am sorry to that person but why would I be sorry to you so much?
Well, I was mad and just said to myself I wasn't dealing with this shit and couldn't seem to stop and separate people from that thought or one person was coming or they really did it, so I just didn't call them that or anything.  I got mad at my dad putting on the Chinese.  I really am not up for his inconvenience.  You might think secretly and sneakily I am getting away with attacking my dad, but I was defending myself.  :|
What's more important?  That I "neva" get mad?  Or what?  Or admitting these people are mean?  Why would they compensate and do me over with someone from the same country as someone I like just to erase it?  Why would they do it if that's not the case?  I don't mind some things at some times, but I have to say something.
They're messing with  how my Twitter works.
You all go crazy lying about me and not rewarding me with good behavior.
NOW WHAT?
I rested more for that?
Now what?  I was mad about that lady.  It ruined my day!

Testing Me

Now, they wanna say I did something wrong and about what I was mad at.

I feel affected, and I don't like it.

Problem

They said I won't be with someone I like yet I'm with someone I don't like.

Apology

I'm sorry anyway I thought of the word shit with an innocent person you all brought up for when I was upset about that.

Sorry, I was a bit upset in the living room.  I just didn't want them to pay attention to me.  "So, 'thanks a lot,'" for that.
STOP REPORTING LIES -  STOP BOTHERING ME ABOUT THEM

What am I gonna do now?  I was just upset.  I dunno if I'm upset at someone, but I don't believe it's that someone's actual doing, which would be pretty bad.  So, who did it?

You wanna know what happened, some of you?  I just thought I didn't want this shit and I was too mad to think and was worried someone did it and it kinda overlapped, like this lady I've been talking about I don't chose to get close to who keeps coming back to me on Facebook when no one else does because I was mad one week I found out about a lady I liked in her country, Australia.

They keep rubbing my dad in, but I don't want a mess with him.  We are not the best compatible, not that I am with anyone, but I don't wanna do this with him.  You know, he's being mean about this.  I don't have to have anything to do with him.  Why do I feel my eyes popping outta my head?
I'm only mad about being punished for hitting things when I was mad one week.  You guys are not very onto things.  That person has nothing to do with me being mad.  You did.
They said "close" "clothes" were my dad.
Now, I'm in trouble with someone else and my dad ruined it.  Curses!  What's up with that person?  They wanted me squealing I don't want a baby to *** to them.
I bet they're gonna be upset for swinging the door hard but not slamming it.  Look, I just don't take these people experimenting on me.  They probably again are gonna transmit a lie about what was up when I thought it was shit.
Well, I at least got the mouse to work.  What about that Chinese "crap?"  :(
THEY WON'T SHUT UP.  I SAID TO STOP.  THEY ARE SUGGESTING SOMEONE ELSE.
My mouse does not work on USB, and my dad changed and watched some Chinese film, like Ellen said about Netflix.

Like I've been thinking, I'm not putting up with the  mouse shit just because my USB port fell and I am not dealing with the Chinese.

Problem

They won't stop.

They said more things when I slept.

My mouse wasn't working.

Problem

They are loading the page like this person.  GET AWAY AND QUIT MAKING A MESS OF MY LIFE.

Problems

I am trying to sleep and they made that person talk in my room.

They said "I don't stand out" and "It ain't teeth" and I thought I put pressure on my teeth in my sleep.

I had to turn on my computer to post about this shit.
THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE

Now my hands feel affected.
It's funny you should typecast these people, like you care.
I have to remember to think of answering this person later.
They won't stop.  Now, they sorta took the straightness from my legs inside.
It makes sense to talk to different people, but they got something else going on.  Wait, all are equal?  Can you tell that to the world?
I'll just make clear yes someone technically and rightfully can talk to who they want, but so can I.  I was gonna say about them not talking to that other person, but I came to a different conclusion about how my rights are unfair.  Hard to think of again, but you might be able to tell it easily or that there is an idea there.
It happened to be a word in a song I sang from My Fair Lady .. funny ...
They are playing around with how I feel by trapping me.  I don't wanna feel close to that person.  You have no reason to give someone else someone I like.

Problem

She's playing around with something big, Pirates of the Caribbean..  She said "funny" about something someone else mentioned, a monkey.
I didn't have a problem so much as I fear for the future.  Why are people slowly rubbing in stuff to me?  They have no right to enter my life.  Looks like I got no friends.  They've also been playing with if I get a noise for notifications, etc.

I don't mean to be mean..

..I almost took it as a joke and just wanted to jot it down.

I see the signs, tho.  Why do they keep bothering me?

cont.

They won't seem to be quiet even when quiet.

cont.

I even have it delayed to check their response on Facebook.

Issue

They are messing around again saying I can't have someone I like and instead all these other people are getting away with being inappropriate to me.  They're being nitpicky about when they made me mad.  They want to replace my mom being special to me or something, that general idea of "who your mom really is.."
I'll try and just be nice insteada mean and angry.  I hope everyone is having a good life.

Issue

My dad seems to take awhile to print things for me.  I think he's taking back something from my mom and making me feel like a racial slave.  I don't want him in my personal life post-18.  He wasn't post-16.

Glitch

I can't see the thumbnails of my pictures.

Warning

My mom's nose got wider and bigger..

Warning?  I meant abstractly just for her.

My nose is too wide, hope it doesn't get wider the rest of my life or something.

It happened after going somewhere with my dad awhile.

You know, he acts bemused and thinks if I do something wrong that it's not his fault, not someone else in the world's fault, but my mom's fault.  That's far from right.  In fact, she was too hard on me as  little kid.

What am I missing?  It gave me inspiration to write something on my real blog.

So..  :|

I don't think that makes sense.  My dad probably thinks it's magic and that his mom told him to do it.  My mom's nose getting wider?  Nah.  That's not okay.  Maybe, she tried too hard to make it thin and that's why, just to know for comfort.  Hopefully, she stays young and her nose gets better.  I was upset someone in an office made my nose wider, and my Gramma changed it making a noise, too.  I thought someone told them to do it.  I didn't like that nor accept that it was okay.

So, sorry if I said anything not right.  I hope we don't do any more hurting my mom if I do something, which my dad seems to have partially orchestrated.  I can't prove anything else, maybe seems like this one other person I'm not naming..
They made my pointer finger feel like a point, with a jiggle and a tip of their hat.
You can't conveniently put a glitch on my computer as you follow my private actions.
Someone just got upset at me talking about race and now I can't see the new emoticons.

Problem

They did something else, they changed the clock when I saw a certain kind of poster.

Comeback

Self-satisfied is a psychological term, not the go-to sarcastic label.
Superstitious like my Gramma and Aunt?

They are not to have a say in my life.
My other guess is everyone thinks he wants this and follows it, when he claims he's not but the next second he must be or is.
My dad has no say in my life!  No one does.
My dad does not have the right to be self-satisfied and try to prevent me from feeling now.
They just did something else that might add on to it.
Someone said the age of their child to annoy me so I'd count each year.  It's these people surrounding me getting antsy if I get upset.  I shared something my younger aunt shared.
The 1/2 screen shows still.
They did the long slender thing again.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

I feel like a cancer patient being visited by a celebrity.
I'm so sorry I got upset today.
So because I got picked to do this, I have to be treated worse than others as payment?
Why do I find myself wanting relief from the blank shopping icon at the bottom of my screen?

Look

Sorry I was upset.
They had to tap in again.
They have to get a word in.  I wonder if they know my dad.
They're abusing me knowing what happens in  my life.

They are trying to tell me what to do/think and punish me.
They did more..
They're being mean to someone else by imprinting something long and thin.

LOOK

I WANT MY DAD OUTTA MY LIFE in this way

Problem

They hid the title of one of my posts on my regular blog.  They should be arrested
My dad is vulturing over relationships I make online and trying to make them all think twice about me being important.

Upset

I didn't wanna talk about something, but I wanted to address that something happened, tho I feel tested.
They keep going on like what they did was okay.
Stop threatening me.  You're the one being mean to me.
They made a silly thing with the mouse when it waits when I clicked on something.  They are full of themselves and displaying that.
They said it nastliy.
You're not here to tell people they can't have a way with me.
They won't leave me alone and quit saying I'm bad.
I'm not here to take you in stride.

Problem

The people watching me in my room are telling me about things I can't do.  Look, I didn't do anything.  People keep attacking me in my home.

Why are you talking to me about this stuff?

They said I did something.

Problem

They made my shopping icon a blank at the bottom of my taskbar.  They are trying to make me think of something and punish me for something else.  How annoying is that?

Apology

I'm sorry for what went wrong tonight.

Guess it was stupid to say and was slow to erase.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Game?

Not to say something?  I didn't say it.

Stop it.

I don't want to feel I did anything wrong.

WAH!

What if I hurt my mom?  She was probably pretending.

Prayers....
I was nice, but my mom was acting funnily.  I just don't feel good.  I think it's my dad's fault.  He just wants to rile things up.  What did my mom start?  She's afraid of what he thinks and is more assertive.

Another Solution

Try not to be as harmful when I blow up on the inside.

Also, someone crashed me and a thought without much restraint came back to me.

Issue

They are silly enough to believe I meant to call them shit.  No, I wasn't doing that.  You wish so you could be done with me more or less.
I don't want my dad to be a part of my life like this.  They are acting like they are raising me.  I don't want to pretend to do this.

More Problems

What if they have the power to take away parents and people from my life?

Worried

I don't wanna hurt my mom, but I'm not taking this.  She was inflicting decisions on me, and I'm mad about someone else attacking us.

Problems

Why did I get the message Ellen is mad at me for saying something?

My mom said in secret message about my possible future daughter, "There, I put her thru Hell."  I think my dad made my possible future so go, "Whoah!"

Anyway, I moved in a way that attacked my mom back cuz I am sick as Hell of writing about all this crap.  I was in the kitchen eating.  She also was like, "There," like I didn't do anything.  I already said I'm not doing this shit.
My dad left last night with the secret message he has to come back and surround me and "do it" with me, a bad feeling and idea.  He never came back.  My mom left now to show him something.
Do you know about when people "just care about themselves?"  Where did this come from?  I know I don't matter.  I don't think what I said makes no sense.  I don't know how you cut up and dice thoughts.  I feel it is a little inappropriate but for the "wrong" reasons.  Supposedly, something I said was hurting someone's feelings, something that other people thought, too, like we were yelling at them.  I said don't hold me to it and that it was an iffy topic.  I had to put in much effort to go and change it up further.

How cruel of you to go in and pretend to make my possible future kids's noses stretched out to wide and dislocated from their faces?  What are you?

So, you're mad..

..it's not because you're in a dilemma like my dad.

What someone did to me was very evil.  It seemed to spread like wildfire.

I didn't know what I said was so serious, but what about the other people who get to do that?  I bet even you all do that.

It still hurts.  I can very well take it back, as I said, was just a thought and not put to words on my blog.

I feel a couple people have trapped me in a dungeon with no success in the world.  It's like they threw me out there while I was still having a nightmare.

If what I said actually hurt this person, it makes it weird to me why she would hurt me in her own way.  You all are against me and don't care who I am.  Some of you all seem outspoken saying you said I was so great all my life but you take it back and say I'm tacky, shallow, ugly, and not smart.  Maybe, this is proof?  I guess the situation must have seemed overly serious.  Before, I don't remember doing this.  My dad may have been a negative influence.  Maybe, my mom is the one who isn't negative?  I feel we all have a negative side.  I don't usually think of these things.  My question was just what to do to see things in different ways, like what happened here.  We still haven't answered that.  I'm guessing other people are allowed to have those thoughts.  They probably come in on purpose on a regular basis and for no reason.  What about that person being mean to me?  That was my release.  I guess I'll do it natural now, but I think other people behind her back think that serves her right.  I hope it doesn't happen like this in the future, but I do have proof people are saying people deserve d**** who are mean to me.  I can't get mad cuz I know they are trying to temporarily stick up for me.  So, that's another confusing thing that happens.  I've never wanted to wish d**** on anyone.  I think I saw that no one cares about other people wishing d**** on someone but still my problem is bad, like maybe one day it would be that just like that.  I feel this is a bit uptight and picky to make a big deal on something without thinking about actually solving it.  The point is to see what matters, how someone's feelings really are.  It seems like it's to make sure someone, myself, gets it, as in being made to feel bad and punished.  Maybe, that's important.  It seems tho that people don't treat me right and will make me upset in some other way again.  With this other stuff that's been done to me, I won't simply sweep it under the rug nor out the door.  I feel I'm just constantly being tested, now to venerate this person.  I'll get into that in another topic.

So, I'm sorry and I certainly was ready to take it back.  I just wanted to know why other people can threat d**** and I can't seem to do anything but be placed down under, while I worry about being responsible for someone else being framed to look gaudy.

I hope people out there are feeling okay/alright.  I understand, some of ya'll aren't, but neither am I.  I feel uncomfortable with my parents/dad here in Orlando.  I don't know what's happening right now/next.  My dad is strangely in a better mood.  I hope he's alright.  He needs to hit the gym is what he needs to do.

So, I hope I don't cause trouble too much if at all, hopefully not.  Hope things are all going well for you all.  I hope this is a helpful alleviator and look into what not to do, which I figured out.  I just needed to not rest on a false idea.  I need to keep thinking to know where I'm really at, without creating trouble.  I can avoid it, as well.  I can try to take care of other people's issues, like making someone else look stuck up.

So, I hope this has helped.

I'm trying out to act and model..

.and I can't reload one of my pictures.

Problem

They are messing with me and how I feel in a place.  I don't have a problem, someone else is being mean to me and I'm not being mean to them.
How funny is it to just sit there bemused at someone while they kick you with the opposite of pity?  That's when the moments come up.  I see ignoring has done the trick.  Time apart and in help can be necessary.
Sometimes, I think of things when you tell them to me.  I don't give a care about hurting anyone.
I will not be able to forgive anyone for making me look bad if I think something you don't approve of or if it comes to mind.  You shouldn't always be knowing about me.  You have nothing to do with me.  My life is just your problems of wanting to be the baby.  I don't seem to talk about much else.

Problem

They made the page go black then white when I posted that.
My dad does whatever comes up to his mom, and she thinks if something happens around something else "it must be re-L-ated."

My dad was thinking of something I do with someone I like and acting mean with his arm and I just happened to think of like a cartoon cutting off his arm.  I didn't say anything nor at like much nor was he to be looking at me.

Later, last night, he came walking from far away, I think like he was all that coming to rescue me, then made me stimulated in that part and closed his bathroom door.

Problem

Someone called me "dear" on Facebook who annoys me and I just used the word "sweet."
I don't want 1 person missing.
My dad should not be necessary in my life if he thinks he can threaten everyone away from showing me affection in my personal life that has nothing to do with him in a way..
Why is everyone in the media acting like I need a lesson?  Who do you think I am and what do you think you're doing?

Problem

How is it spreading around that I'm bad cuz I hit something every day for a week when I was into being cool like Ellen with short blonde hair?  I am not gonna live without that cool stuff.  I earned it.  My hitting, so what, I was in my room, it was my sofa you were mad about hitting.  You don't have the right to ruin my life.  What's so bad about that?  I was mad at people.

I also just heard a commercial where someone acted like they imagined me mad at counselors at my community college.  It was so long and ranting.

I have lost respect for the things that are done against me by others who supposedly are caring.

You know, I just think you can't do that and that this situation is nothing like what you fabricate it to be.  I can't wait to see you lose it and get moody, again, yourself.  Why were you guys at me?!

Threats

I feel the topic of me d*ing is touched on in secret message by my dad and someone else.  Like, "Life's short."

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

They won't stop and pushed me away to someone in a way I don't like.
I thought I heard someone dancing and jiving to dividing up my head into a few parts rather than being a single entity.

Upset

I am upset that things didn't go right it seems recently when I see my dad and come in sorta ready but then I'm not.

Yup

They won't stop.

Problem

As I turned my computer off, I realized they had made the wait symbol on a still page and made a movement for a personal flair, fyi probably someone else thinking they can be my mom instead because I need an older mom but in a bad way, like I "need" it.  I dunno, I was going to watch TV, and it bothered me.  They'll do something else again, but at least you know they're doing it.  I know why they do it again, too.  Someone wants it like that.

Also, it takes awhile to load the page to post to my blog, and I don't know why.

Pathetic

My dad reached over and said I couldn't do something in a relationship with someone secretly and I automatically thought of a carton version of cutting it off.  He did it on purpose to copy his mom's strategy.  I kept thinking of him to leave me alone with his problems always testing me by insulting me in secret message, acting now like the experimenters do stuff for him and "it's okay."  He has nasty thoughts about people who really nice to me.

So, what is his problem?  Is it pathetically that one thing I did when I was 11?  That's not okay.  I want my life back.  I don't want him in it like that like before.

Another Joke

It's sad to joke about something like being a daughter.  I should not be too important, but sometimes he initiates weird thoughts for some reason, that don't make sense, like I'm important but I think I'm not.
There were 2 things, but now I just remember 1.  My dad should not feel bad about - oh I remember - joked about being insignificant even if he does something I hate.  Also, the joke about how my mom and I both had cancer but not him, it was bound to come to mind.

Wai Wai Wait

I walk in everyone beats me up emotionally and if one bad word flares up as an idea I can't have something?  How is that to treat a lady?

Monday, March 9, 2015

They messed up my drawing/writing things.
When I said small, shoulda said babyish.  Sorry..
They had someone say in a tacky small way, "You can NEVA perform with him."
There's always that danger in me.  What to do?
My dad is inflicting bad feelings in me.  They made me think of a bad word.  He asked how long something takes in symbol of waiting for a no because of them, because of him, I'm stuck with him as having been in my life like that.
I'm sorry you saw me vicious, but you might see me get upset again.  I was just upset at having to report all these things and was also confused as to solving the original problem of everyone else saying people deserve d**** for what they did.  Are you afraid I'd go down that route?  I'm not.  I just felt offended and the thought came up.  Maybe, I shouldn't have said I meant it.  I did temper the idea and do it on myself.  I dunno what to do.  I can't just go around never thinking of anything that isn't just "happy happy joy joy."  This is where some of you people out there have a real problem.  This is what happened.  It's like I said later, something came up and the negativity made me feel at ease tho I didn't mean it, was worthless.  Just like a settling thought ot end.  Sorry!  I did ask for help..
saying it's like my dad.. I don't want him in my life like that
Now, they're dissing the supposed kids they're not supposed to be pretending.
These messages aren't stopping.  I didn't want my dad involved with someone who doesn't even like me pretending I have kids.  If someone else wants my mom to pretend they have kids is up to them.
I showed my parents my clean room and my dad coughed and touched my Nutcracker claiming he needed to switch something in the garage.
The name implies someone I will remember, the ice cream cone, for a long time.  That's very hurtful.  I still stand by that I was been mean to and needed a release with others not just them doing it and not me.
You may be in danger if you listen to my dad and are mean to me.
I don't mean permanent estrangement, just in general.  That's how it was.  Things were better off that way in most ways.
My dad shouldn't even be in my life again.  He's being awfully mean with it.

Problem

My dad won't stop insulting in secret message, making sounds sound like words.

When will he and the people experimenting on me and watching me get it .. get what?  Something like that no one cares about your "important" insults.
I don't wanna be the loser with these mean people talking to me via people watching me in my room while the rest of the people I see all don't do it and think they're all that like I was.
I keep getting strangers who seem to communicate with people experimenting on me.  The 1st person who added me on this Google account is holding an ice cream cone like someone else was trying to look like someone but sending a mean message.  It made me think of something funny I think other people liked.  I was reluctant to put in this excessing effort to explain what happened to me.  It upsets me who mighta done these things, like I'm not important and someone else is more important in a strange way.  I dunno what was strange about it.  I think it's a Middle Eastern person, too.  I think it's the fact that it's a normal person involved and it's the only person in my Google circle.  I feel made fun of.  So what if I thought of something funny when someone was mean anyway?  It seemed like it needed to get out and other people do it, not to you, but between us!  I've even said that at the top of this blog.  I don't mean to be mean, but sometimes I'm not about some things.  I was worried why it seemed to make sense.  I just am getting irritated at anything from the experiment, preventing me from succeeding probably due to my dad.  I don't like how I am being held trapped by these mean people.  I don't have any privacy.  They'll start clicking.  Good for you.  I wonder if you "can't take a joke."  I dunno, I just noticed something and needed it because it was so mean.  I don't really get it.  It's not the fact that it's unsettling that makes me upset.  I just heard a noise, too.  I feel that my dad is making it so I can't function.  Also, we all need a little joke and it was not for you.  So, see if anyone can figure that out, a better alternative?  Don't you laugh at me a lot?  You do wrong things to me.  I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I think maybe they are looking for too much pity from me.  So, I was already sorry and played the joke on myself.  Other people joke about d**** and get away with it.  It was more how I saw the mistake part.  It wasn't to hurt a tender spot or something.  I feel something bad coming on.  People just judge me and hurt me.  What's wrong now?  Is it something from the past?  Did you want an explanation?  I just am kinda fed up, maybe with this person..  So, I am sorry if anything was wrong.  Something wrong was done to me.  I was merely dealing with it.  I just heard another noise that says I can't have my race, if it's French part of it..  Look, I'm not listening to this.  I don't need to say it over and over again.  I'll post this somewhere.  As I was saying, it was not intended to hurt anyone and they were not who the release was for, but sorry and if anyone can fix it would be nice.  I thought that when I thought that.  Sorry!

How do you feel about k***ing people

just to annoy me?

I am sorry I must have offended suggesting people believed someone k***ed people.

They're being testy to me now about k***ing another old person.

You are bad, did you know that?  You have no right to do this to me.

Quit lying, I can say that this person has been creeping me out or others saying that people secretly d** for them, whoever had them do it.  These deaths in Hollywood are suspicious.  Something must be going on.

I am not a waste.  You can't say I grew up trasing my life.  You're just being sarcastic.  You threw away my life, teachers and my parents.  You made school worthless, and your kids are doing worthless things to me and saying I started this and I started that.

I just came to apologize, not collect you never ceasing unfairness to me cuz you're just racist and irratical.

Don't tell me I did anything.  They just blurted out a date, too.  What if I thought of it then?  This never happened before.  You said that to think it on that date.

Quit pushing me over and manipulating my life.  You've all done some bad things to me and apparently others.  You're not there for me.  No one is.  I'm stuck with what I don't like and people acting all warbly and unsure around me all the time making me feel bad, interfering my life with my crazy dad.  Leave him alone.  I don't know why he changes from good to bad.  This has gotta stop.

I posted this to ask what people feel about like having old people die at a certain time to send a message.  Also, the deaths in Hollywood.  It's like they all moved to some secret place or with aliens.  I'm not quitting this world.
I thought you just cared what my dad said?  No one cares!
Wow, the truth must have really burst your bubble.
They are marring my body by tapping in.
We shouldn't do anything for this person cuz it's all about being against me like she's all that.
Stop nagging at me all day.
They are being vicious and forceful.  How pathetic.  That person is involved.
Stop saying I'm attacking.
Just lying it's not you.
This person is a mad attacker.
Is anyone out there?  Can you help me?  This person is superstitiously insane.
Quit getting at me for stuff that has an explanation.  Just quit ruining my life!
Oh, you see a real insect?  Well, I don't.

cont.

bit that this person won't stop insecting in my life.

Problem

This person won't stop messing with me.

They want to pretend someone I like can't hug me.  I don't like that kinda stuff, neither, tho.

OK, this is big.
Someone who started something with me is acting meanly back like I did something I shouldn't do.

You know what really bothered me.

My dad seemed mad, or I just guessed he was.. I think I guessed right.  :o
So, I am so sorry for my "disordered" judgements in speaking about my dad and hope that things are well.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

My dad is switching between thinking it's important to be nice to me and that I should be "deleted."

Also, they are setting aside someone else or others as taking over and me not having what I earned in life and in my reputation.  People are just annoyed at the clothes I wear and stuff being poor.
I thought I was on better terms.  Wonder what went wrong.  It seems they have to feel this way, like my life doesn't matter how it used to.

I agree..

..my dad keeps flaring up with some nasty thoughts.

Feeling Bad But Better

I don't feel m*****ed after eating.  Too bad I said so much, but it was hard to describe.  I hope it's for the better.  It is a Problems blog, after all.  I didn't try to be nasty.  I foresee more in the future.
Let's not criticize how many posts - but sum it up and say why make me feel m*****ed?  Not "because he's yir dad."  Some people don't like their parents as much as others in that way.
They're still being mean to me.
I don't wanna be turned on like this.
I don't want to do this.
If my dad does something that means he can't get close to someone does not mean I suffer the same way.
Things won't work out with me and others cuza my dad.  Like, they think I'm kinda touchy feely like him.  You know, those men who wanna touch you who you don't wanna touch them.  He can be nice, but he doesn't chose to be.
I think I made a big deal, but why do I feel so bad around my dad when I'm trying to function?  He's so often mad and steels feelings from me.
If you don't love me, you need to take a step back and leave me alone.
There, I did it.  Get this foulness outta my life, this constant blaming and fingerpointing in secret to where I can't get a hold of the problem and say to stop cuz it's all done in secret and I get yelled at and "thrown out."
I can see now why they did what they did.  Still, I get to decide how much I have to be with someone.
You can't do this to me.  You're bad.  See if you can live with that-
I don't need this person's nose in my life nosing at everything.  I don't even want them in my private life.
I feel like m***********.
We are more who we developed to be as children and teenagers than simply a product of our parents and families.  You can be that way but not me.
I'm not here to be played with every day by people with cameras and mics around my room.  It's my life, and I'm here to get you off.
This person should not be involved in my life.  How could I go to school or work or function with these things slowing me down?  I do not need to be warmed by them.
I don't mean to be mean but I really felt m*****ed.

I know this person is not as personal but attempts to touch all of me in a way I don't like anyone to.  I don't like the judgements that are placed on me that I'm just like my mom or something and there to be played with like a toy cuz I'm not like that.

And if you have a big problem how was I so so rude unjustifiably?  I just said the kinds of phrases most say.  I am being totally insulted by someone to feel stimulated in hatred.
So, I'm not getting close to anyone as in letting them touch me in ways if I don't want them to.
I don't want to be thought of being like parents and ancestors in bad ways.
Someone is trying to stimulate me with too much attention from some people.
I guess no one cares about me if I'm left to this criminal.
See, this person is just a problem to me.  I have no need to talk to them.
I don't ever want this person/these people in my private life.
I want this feeling to stop and go away.  I feel like hurting myself and d**ing.
My last post is in reference to a secret crime message, very immature.
I don't even wanna play with you so get your hands off me.
People won't stop messing with me.  Sometimes, I don't wanna feel something from someone and it's insulting.  I am also getting immature death threats in secret message.

This is important.  I feel r**** or m*******.  It wasn't like this before.  I feel threatened it will happen no matter what I do or where I go, my parents will follow me, my strange dad.  What's wrong with him??  It's just important.  I'm not making fun of anyone.
They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.
They are symbolizing I think of old people as parents.
My Google Chrome is slowing down.

Problem

Someone is getting people not to be close to me and one in particular has thrown in the towel as a person.
They made it take a long time for my Ello to load on the choice browser.
They're wasting my time too making me stop and think about what they say, which is just mean stuff.
They are talking meanly to me and wasting my time.  They are talking about how I pressed a button when they were manipulating something on my computer.  Now, it's funny when I type.

cont.

Like, they insist on things that linger as negativity.
I think someone is making someone mean to me cuz they got me upset when visiting.  It's not a "smart" idea, and I can do whatever I want and you started it.  Everything they do has a negative message.  I'm not just someone to be played around with cuza my "failures to find success."
It's interesting how you expect the desired effect for your actions.

Problem

They're acting like someone all the time and in a way I don't like.

When Evil Does It

I thought of something bad sorta on autopilot to my dad.  I don't mean it, but it helped quell my anger.  Same about the people experimenting on me but not as bad.  I'm very sorry and would like real help to get better, not "I can't be happy/okay about myself for a day."  That will happen every day by accident if I'm treated so badly.

They are acting mean but like someone, too, which is the thing they started when I woke up and was waiting for breakfast.  I said not to fight me and not to invade my life, but they refuse to listen.  They again think they have something on me, but I think/feel I have something on them for sending mean secret messages.  On my Facebook page, I said, "Please speak now or forever hold your peace."  No one cares nor finds it, I bet.  All I did was take off an outlet of them for communicating to me annoyingly that was unrelated.  So what?  I didn't do anything I shouldn't have.  They did..  I did even take that back!  At least the anger of it.
I figured maybe I was being punished partially via giving attention to someone else.  I hope my mom did not just k*** me.  Okay, so I was not okay with it.  But I was gonna try and accept that people do this.  Maybe, someday, it won't be this way or someone else won't have to do it.  It's fine to pay a lotta attention to others, of course.  What else can you say?  I just think it does seem a bit heroes-skelter.  I wish we could just be normal and not have this underlying drama.  Some of it does not make sense, like the way the people who run The Voice are.

I say one day not like this, but I do want the person to be active in her desires or in the world and my life.
I just want to be good in a way among other things of course.  I don't see what's going on..  You can't get mad at me for weird reasons, like flunking when I'm a good person and student.
Why are you bothering me?  Everything you say hurts me.  I could get sick.  I already am.

Why does that intimidate you?  Where are you from?  I have to look out for myself, just wondering why I sound intimidating.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude.
They sent me another message just to make it so I see it and you don't.
I don't need you in the shadows telling me a successful relationship is undeserved.  I understand you are socially inept.
I am upset at what it is, and they acted like it's my Gramma again saying "it must be re-Lated."  Well, it's not okay.  And yes that's the message I got from her.  Now, what's relating?  Stop making fun of me like it's some big, interesting exchange of drama where I'm bemusedly in trouble suddenly to perfect your world.  I'm here to get thru to what needs to be gotten thru to.  Not to be superstitious.
After I finished all that, they reveled in tossing it away and insulting me with something new..
I see I'm being teased and called s*** by my mom in secret message.  I figured out what it really said, that we need to la dee da follow me around when I iconize someone and give full reign to a certain person.  It's the la dee da that doesn't make sense.  I will not accept it as punishment for cursing about noises in my room, so I hope that's not what it is for you all but think it is in a way for some.  So..tell me why I should be sorry and no one else should take back what they did to me.  I don't need someone marring the rest of my life because of their being uptight and hating of life.  Come on, I need to be able to deal with this.

Why is my mom keep on insulting me?  What kinda mom is that?  Is she crazy?

I know who did this just makes fun of what I do for fun like what I say means nothing.  Why is this life for me?  Why is this so easy to talk about?


And no, as my mom asked, what I get does not automatically go to someone else.

She just pulled out the laundry thing loudly and I am worried it could eventually injure me, her taking out anger of her cancer on me!  Thanks to you others who actually don't care and did it!  You are mean to me!  I felt something in my brain.  I feel threatened of I make a sudden move to get her back and show her who's in charge of me.  I don't have the city to fall back on..


I don't wanna be that close to these people, my parents.  I didn't try to be.  It's sick.  Some other people are kinda like this.  Sometimes they make one side stimulated like they're getting back and saying I'm shit for telling someone my skin was 2 different colors.  That's just what they're doing, I'm not in spite at the people I told for that.

My mom keeps waltzing around insulting me like this person means all that and I mean nothing, what she's doing is all I'm saying.  She is just a spiteful, crazy, blaming lady who is convinced she is perfect.

And stop suggesting things to me like maybe I want someone else to take her place, especially someone who's rubbed in in a way I don't like.  You already know I don't like that and are k***ing me.

She keeps making noises in secret message that are really mean.

I will not be governed by my parents nor someone else saying everything I do goes to someone else.  I make my own achievements.  I am not spoiled and a brat..  No offense to anyone, but would you mind?  You know what you all done in my past?  I have several reasons for not liking this.  I don't wanna do this so you "have my dad's back" etc.  I don't do it cuz I know it's just an insult inserting this person's name.

I'm not saying my mom is just a bad person.  She just has a hard time.  I don't believe most people can just be bad.  Maybe, they are moral slobs with just someone like me, tho, which also makes me not wanna believe it.


What have I done?  I don't work??  I'm trying to be a performing artist.  You don't even want me back in college much less think I could work a minimum wage job when I am used to desk work.  The medicines made me go over the cliff.  How will i get better now?  I don't like being stuck in my room with my parents about the house.  I wanted a career or some way to function living with them, but I can't have that.  It seems I should stay here for now, but I used to tell people college was bad and asked about their getting higher degrees but about my decision to spend time with my parents and live at home.  I did go to college here at first but stopped after I failed after a lotta work at an easy community college.  I don't have a note to get back in, neither, and it's the easy college.  I wanna go back and study online.  Summer is coming up and I can't go to Disney then.


I've been trying to respect everyone, but I am apalled at what I keep getting back from someone.  I feel people find me apalling, as well for being a bit overweight.  You don't do that to everyone who's overweight.  I think someone or some people helped make that someone apall me, as in like disappoint and "hurt my feelings" if you know what that means you all still..  Life is coming to an end for some of us and for others it's just at its peak of responsibility.  Obviously, I don't like how time flew these past 10 years and how hectic it was.  I don't know what needs to happen.  I'm just saying.  You can say that you've become cooler as time went on.  I am upset about death myself, but people die by accident.  We probably have souls in the afterlife.  I'm quite sure.  There are always other things to do..  Look, I'm just trying to talk things out some.  My mom was kinda hurting me really, like it's cool, like someone agreed she should get back and fight me for "what" I said and "what" I've done.  People here and in other places attack me.  I can't get back at them.  I won't take this s***, tho.

To close off, I just am trying to lead an okay life.  Look, there's an explanation for everything.  "Look on the bright side."  Heard of or remember that??

Saturday, March 7, 2015

They made me think of my eyes when talking about makeup, my dad.

How disgusting, don't fight with me.
My parents are acting weird and want me to thinl of the same thing when I go to the bathroom when I didn't do anything wrong.  Other things are coming to mind, as well.  This didn't happen before a few years ago.
It seems like dark majority Caucasians/white people are h**** for s**.
Is s** ever offensive to someone else who doesn't have it?
So, is this person h****?  No offense and I need not say more about it, at least not right now at this moment.

Problem

Why is Bella the middle of a catfight of Ellen admittingly looking for someone to replace the success of others?

Wait a minute!

I'm the one who had a college debt, and you're the ones who relocated so I have to fly on vacation.

You can't make me unhealthy because school is impossible.  I needed those walks.  They might have been excessive seeming in your opinion, but I seemed to have no time and was only taking general studies.  It was over before it began.  Someone should have told me to withdraw because I was wondering if I'd get anything out of it.  Also, I was in the experiment.  You never accepted that so you can roll over and press the button on the alarm clock to not go off.  I'm not trying to be mean..  Don't assume I'm sarcastic in an evil way.  Also, I did ballet and things were going good there in some ways.  That was my minor.  I don't know why honors is easier!  What is wrong with the school systems in Louisiana!!  Should I have been at LSU in Baton Rouge steada New Orleans??  I'm bout to go back up north once I complete the AA in the Common Curriculum, "AA - General Studies."  Maybe.

So, the reason the experiment got in the way was cuz I was programmed for a break and a nice life and then it wasn't there, a world without work.  You threw me off my singing and music studies with the experiment!!!!

I'm not yelling..
Why are they doing things that need to be talked about around every corner?  That'll just make curse words come to mind.
I told my dad who I was talking about on this Problems Blog, but it wasn't as eloquent as here, another reason to have a blog and not just talk in person.  :o

What I Am Thought As

My dad thought I was bad cuza flunking college - now whose fault is that?  The schools I went to.  I was the Valedictorian in 8th grade and kept a 4.0 most of high school..
I'm not trying to be violent.  I may have made some "good" mistakes, as in better than I used to be.  I might just keep seeking help, like this.  I'm establishing more websites and categorical features.

Issue

Why would anyone say I did not make an attempt to be social?  You must harbor some prejudice that needs to be taken back from my life.
After I said they can't go in and affect my life, they went in and said I could not have fun with the people watching me.  I just said you can't come in my life and trim the good things off every once in awhile for no real good reason.

It is vague what they really just did, but I don't think I wanna ever think about such a waste as this.  I'm not being mean saying the word "waste" and it is not a curse word nor buzz word.
Regarding me being upset specifically, you can't take away things from me, a good woman at age 28.  All I did was say something to counter the mean treatment.  I am not listening to you like you're the boss.  You're barely a part of my life and can't just come in at your own convenience to hurt me emotionally and socially.  I'm not letting that happen.  I don't wanna fight you.  I just want this to stop.  These people keep talking to me in private, I know, and who knows what my dad will get involved in.  I don't like what he did.

You're the one who attacked, and I think you're something like punished yourself.  I didn't punish you, but you accept punishment from people other than me.  I will not let things slide by like this on some days.  My life is on a strict moral regiment.  It'll be over before I know it, which must be partially happy news for you.  Who knows, maybe ya'll even think it should end soon.  That's the feeling I got from my dad, who's being like a guy who doesn't practice self-control in social life in secret, like you can't say oh he did this or that.  He does it in secret message.

This is getting a bit painstaking if I have to talk about anything else much longer.
Maybe, I feared for the wrong person on the wrong side at the wrong time?  I guess my dad is a danger and you were trying to deflect that.  He has no right to pretend to punish me and acting like he didn't, like acting threateningly on a whim that I can't visit relatives up north.  I know if I listened, he'd go more on a tangent telling me what to do when he can't.  I wanted to go up north with him a few times but chickened out.  He didn't force me to go, tho, nor say then that anything was wrong.  You know, he almost pushed his oldest younger sister off a counter or table or something when she was a baby.  I feel iffy about if she thinks I'm being a good person in the secret messages via the experiment where people watch me and talk to me with little noises in my room and things.

OK, I'll just talk about it.

I notice you think you can come in my life and have people beat me for you to take away the things I like as a punishment when that isn't right, I'm too old for that, and I didn't do anyththing.
They won't stop.  It's one thing after another.  I don't care how mad you are.  Deal with it.
Someone is turning everyone against me without me having done anything to deserve that.  You don't "really know" what I'm doing.
They attacked me and are getting back at me, like they're fighting.  Problems happen all the time.  How is this fair to me to clog up my life like this and make up things about what I really meant and when I take back things that seem to not have the desired effect or something?

I just don't see what's so fun about holding onto something that didn't happen.

Why is me saying this a deterrent?
Why do you people think you can tell me what to think and mess up and make me think of things you said you don't want me to think about?  The thought already reached me!
I think someone is trying to act like I'm a kid and they can punish me by poking mean fun at me.  Why would this happen?  And with such a respectable, good-willed person?  Perhaps, since it's not seemingly about you or it's not, you do not agree they are respectable.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Disagreement

Someone is being more disagreeable with me, like she has something to get back at.  I said not to fight with me.

Issues of The Day

Before I go off and shower, I thought I'd leave the bait like animal who sits and waits for its prey!

My dream would be that people would possibly and and talk to me, but I know this gets out and people I know can read it and might think about it for when they see me.

Okay, 1st off, I'm not up for believing I am in trouble and am not sure what's going on.  I do know that I cursed about the noises in my room, but a lotta people curse people out even.

I'm sorry about the complaining about someone.  I'll try and not have that happen with anyone, no debating or anything.  :/  Lotta other people have their say and the other has no strength to come back.  People just attack me for no reason.  They're all vague and pointing fingers around in the air.

I got wind of a yes or no from someone gyping me to look silly even talking about it.  I will not live in a non-Democracy with this person risen to the top up to no good.  See, can't I say that and not have someone take it the wrong way?  What I mean is I don't need to be told I'm not all that and that supposedly I am now like everyone else when I don't wanna be.  I know it's not good to bring up those things, but here it is.  Maybe, this is just rubbish.  I can't say nothing has been happening.  It should not get in the way of my life, wondering if mentioning it in some way possible is okay.  I can't make it seem all positive, and obviously neither can that person.

What else?  My dad started driving to bonk my head on the way home.  My speech was slurred after that.  Um..  My dad never does that.

Yea, so my mom has been seeming like upset I made her sick.  I think Orlando is the ultimate cause.

Um.. Sometimes, we think of funny things that make you think of things that you should not think just because of it.

About the car, someone else was in on it with my dad, so I don't know.  It's probably a lotta people.

Also, why is my relationship off and on about someone else, like something that doesn't need to happen?  I don't find this person to be totally with it.  They seem a bit weird.  More specifically, I find them other things I cannot describe.  I posted something on my Facebook I can't find.  I remember kinda what it was.  I don't know if it's worth trying to explain.  I'm upset I can't find it.  Well, the person deleted it.  I can't find it.  She is being kinda unfriendly now because others made her.  Now, that is not acceptable at all.  What you think I am?  I did find this person is trying to keep others from getting attention and for no good reason.  Someone else may do this, but still same opinion.  Why do I get the feeling people wanna play a game and say I'm insignificant and puny?  I just try to be nice, but this person is trashing my dignity and reputation.  I never started anything with this person.  This person is becoming an adult.  I don't mind if she has nothing to do with me for her own decision and good.  I don't like other people totally cancelling out to the point that it's bad stuff against me, like "I'm getting attention that way."  I see people are watching out to make sure everything she does can be better than me and that I become worse.  Apparently, however, it's hard and they're having trouble.  I mean, being snide is not nice.  It's not right to chase me down like that.  Like to make sure I become bad and sad when I try not to already even.  That's not what's going on.  Everyone is different, and there are ways you could be just like me but better, maybe, without bothering me.  See, you don't even wanna be like me.

Well, for now that seems to suffice.  I care about everyone and I care about people in need, as well.  I will try to alter my life to become more aware of what I can be aware of, which will lead to other things.

If you want attention, reach for your dreams.  We all can try and figure something out where we win.
You say you have to be mean to me?  Why are these "accidents" coming to light in regularity?

My Reaction

I was sad and upset and don't really wanna hear from untamed people what they think of the word I thought of someone used.  They were messing with my mind, like I couldn't ignore it.  Sure, you can reassure someone else that they are loved, not really a punishment and I don't need one..
Also, I am not the one that needs older women in my life pretending to be my disciplinarian "mom.."

I know you like a check in.

2 things.

I thought of a word someone used, and my mom wants to mess with our relationship with a creative excuse.  I don't even care about that word.  She was messing up my thoughts and tho she fed it to me too I learned not to go with bad thoughts and to relax outta fighting.

I was upset at someone for hurting me for fear they will be hurt by people who just hurt people.  I don't mean it, but I detest the situation and am trying to ignore it.

So, no, I do not want for either thing to have happened and hope things don't happen like this in the future.
Why don't you be nice to other people yourself, too?  I mean go out of  your way to actually talk to them yourself, too?  I don't know you are claiming to make fun of someone.  Like they need friends.  Is it serious?  They are not totally mean people..
I think I am being made fun of for how old my dad is.  They think it means they can "treat me like s***."

IMDb - The Soapbox

Does anyone ever bother you?

All the time. They make fun of my relationships, like I have any, how immature. Strangers, some people who came into my life/Facebook.. People just spot me out and I get sent some secret messages, somehow.

😣

Also, there are people watching me in my room controlling how the computer loads to send nasty secret messages.

😧 
These people controlling when things on my computer load to send specific messages somehow are really ridiculous.  They "won't shut up."
They keep making me think of bad things as reminders.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Why are people still fighting me?  Will it die down if I stop talking about it so much?

Also, you can't tell me what to do anymore than I can you.

Problems Problems

First off, I'm sorry if I came off as rude to someone.  It was unintended to "start" anything.

Let's just be friends in the end.

Are there any problems, anyway?  I don't have problems.  My dad doesn't have problems.  My mom doesn't have problems psychologically and is physically getting better.  Why would you think to respect my parents and not me?  Why tell me I'm weird.  I'm not.  I'm afraid other people are - people, people are just different.

I was not trying to hurt anyone but just keep them from being able to go in and take care of my life.  You can't come at me with weird jitters and things all of a sudden.  They are invasive the way they are.  We didn't have problems before.  Why can't you talk about it on a blog or do what you really want?  Most people don't seem to have a blog.  That's where your calendar of writing and thoughts go that you put down.  I don't mean to blab on, but I myself am very sad I didn't blog when I could have a the start nor publish a journal.  It just wasn't in it for me.

I didn't do anything wrong by nature and the way other people are.  I don't want this to go on.  You all said I did stuff I didn't do.  Don't even try to fight.  You won't even let me speak.  I'm not being sarcastic.

Anyway, sorry about all this happening with me and others.
I'm not having turned over life to someone with a problem complex about it, how insulting.
I'm getting a lotta attacks, maybe because of someone who lied about how mad they weren't.
I'm not sure, I'm getting messages via my Facebook News Feed.
They "made it friendly" (word captchas) like they wanted me to call someone the n word and now the whole world can know.

Every time I post now

I have to click yes I'm not a robot.  It's cute and it has a picture.

Edit

I tagged my last post Big Problems.

Problem

Someone is setting people in my life a distance from me but can still get up and smile and calculate they deserve something.

Problem

You are not doing a potato a favor.
I know what you did.  Someone is against me.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

People keep doing things to hurt me that they say was just so happens, but now they are fooling that it's not.
You can't hover an drop in on my life and ruin things of it and insult me and get at me for what you did wrong.
OK I solved my problem.  I think I've been heard, tho.  I'm sorry I was a bit inappropriate.  How am I always in trouble?  Guess I should ignore it..

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

I need help.  I'm tired of seeing someone on Twitter every day being pushy and shovy and agreeing I should be punished.  I get this awful feeling.  I just can't stand it.  No one has a reason to be mean to me like that!
So what if someone sent me torturing my kids as a message while I watched the Academy Awards live?  I can think of being mad if I want.  It just happens!  I don't even care!

Problem

I don't want my tacky Gramma in my life telling me only I need to be punished, sending messages via my dad and causing my body to feel harm via noises.  I don't care how powerful they are.  They don't do other things they could.
I was ridiculous.  I feel better after sleeping and other things.

Sorry

I am trying to practice more reasonable respect.
I was upset about being made fun of for my supper by my parents and got upset briefly on the inside.  I'll try to fix myself.  You don't have to pay attention to me when you don't want, of course, or if you don't.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Bad Night Now

Maybe, I was up later.

People both experimenting on me and attacking me as people secretly is happening.

It's going downhill, more things happen every day.

I see my dad clomp into the room with his act.

The love got taken away. I just disagree with things, like that I can't enjoy Frozen..

I get irritated by people and feel my life is just thrown away, maybe cuza my intruding dad messing up every day! I'm tired of his attitude. I bet he and his mom gave my mom cancer. Maybe an aunt, too, the older one. I gotta ask. Usually, they were nice to me. They are twisted liars, the lotta 'em. They think I'm bad for turning them in.

I try to feel emotion, but people take it away! I didn't ask for it. 
I'm left po'.
OK, you want me as the bad one.  Ain't gonna happen.  I know the answer.  You're all mostly wrong.
Why do you even have to do those things?  I don't wanna be in trouble cuz there's nothing to do.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR OF THIS
Are you all slowly turning on me in fear of my dad?  I said not to do that.  None of what you all do makes sense.
SO WHAT IF A BAD WORD OR ACTION HAPPENS IN MY HEAD THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE GET OFF MAH BACK
Put it this way.  I don't seem to have anyone much less my own life.
You all should not be acting like this to me.  I could get a physical problem.
STOP ACTING ALL INNOCENT
These people are lackadaisical and don't know what they're up to and have listened to nonsense.

I will not listen to my dad and part of his bemused "family.."
I can't do any of this to you.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM
Quit it.  You got nothing on me.
You're not gonna stop huh?  Well it's too late now.
You gonna stop fighting me?  This is illegal.  I may tell my therapist more about this see if she gets it.  I could call the police about the computer thing..
I don't believe I deserve to be punished.  I am too old.  I don't want this sneaky treatment.  I'm gonna tell my therapist.  Also, I didn't do anything wrong altogether.  Anyway, you did.
I don't want your fighting.  This other person and people it's obvious are s***ing up for the wrong reasons.
Well, I figured one thing out.  I don't like people playing around with me especially in the wrong way.

I did get mad on teh inside and had a cutting thought, you know the cutoff.  I just really don't wanna be blasted at about this oh so conveniently, literally messing into my life for something they did you think I could not match and do, like I'm not even allowed to deny this.  You all are too judgmental.  It's not perfectionism.

Apology

Something made me upset and I do not accept it.

I will not accept this treatment of anything of that nature.

Monday, March 2, 2015

I don't want to find my dad at the dead end thinking he can force people to be mean to me cuz I'd call the police.

Weird

Blame someone else in confusion.  I calmed down in a way in and of itself.
How can I not be mad, anymore?  I try to keep to myself..  They kept "talking" in secret but mean in reality it feels in secret.

What's too late for me?
You blame me for being mad at me, but I'm not being bad.  You just bring up some insignificant thing from the past.  Think of all the really bad people and good people who mess up.

So, I can't make you happy if my being good makes you still mad at me.
I should be thankful people care for me and I have these nice pills..
I feel so broken up.

Like everyone is mad at me for mistakes and feeling bad.
I just remembered I "flipped my lid" when I was made fun of for liking something and even thought worthless things of someone in my family, my mom.  :(  They kept inflicting things like d**** on me.  Not exactly, but it went by so speedily.

Oh no!

In the process of "getting out my anger" I didn't mean to hurt any one!  And hopefully not anyone.

Twitter

See, doesn't this seem laced with insults?  She keeps doing that.

She said "not" to be annoying twice.
So, yes, then people are nice to bad people.  I don't think they didn't pass some test you did about being warm and fuzzy to some people.
as in chicken, like nervous
Peaceful?  Yer chickens.
Get it?  It's not!
NO IT'S NOT

You fight me!
What's so impressive about violence?
I don't wanna be close to my dad.  I felt affected.  They said he gets to "play with my babies" because I thought of the k word.

So, where I went wrong was..

(1) the word k*** came back to me cuz it was just said and for my dad giving me a feeling I do not ever like from him
(2) I was upset with someone because of a stupid supper
My dad is letting in irritation thru the cracks.  I don't wanna be in troble for his crass.
Okay everyone, this person keeps bothering my mom.
I am upset about my mom.

No one said they were originally mad at you.
No one has the right to get at me.  Are you just..
YOU be happy
Why don't you squeak in another area?
I already could die cuza you..
I haven't felt like doing the dishes, recently.
My parents have been agitated recently.  I don't want my mom to die because of you.
It seems pretty obvious to me, 2 people.
Who is safe to say makes problems?
If you act like that, you're at risk.  Life is unfair to others moreover.
I know what happened.  I was just in the kitchen and my dad was acting meanly, now triumphant the word k*** came to mind and they thought "Gramma wouldn't like it."  Well, they just thought of the word with me, the other parent.
WHY WERE YOU SO MEAN TO ME AT SUPPER

I am so mad I could rip something apart.

I'm tired of your selfish lying and schizophrenia.
WHY DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME
Do you wanna sit here all day with people telling you you can't have this you can't have that just to be bemusing and with no fact connected that you can juggle and no way of totally just ignoring?

All I found is it's a bother for other people who say this.
Just ignore him and I'd have less problems.  I don't believe I've been treated with respect as a poster online.

Admit it.

My dad is a problem, even when I am over 18.
You shouldn't be having all the cool people look ugly to me in glasses and beards and mustaches.  That is very selfish.
What did I do wrong?  No answer.  I will not be subject to my family all of a sudden in this world, like it's the new popular thing.  You all don't have to pick up on bad things from your parents and as a family like this.  I am independent.  I have a strong dislike for getting close to my family in a lotta ways you don't see to respect.  I will not be rounded up as a Barrett in "the Barrett family.."
Yes, I realize some people are monitored to be safe.

Nice Girl..

Anna Kendrick.  I wonder what goes on in her thoughts sometimes.  Like at the Academy Awards..

Unsolved Being Upset

So Sorry.  Maybe, I was hurt, but that's always the excuse.  I'll wait for the next blast from the past.  :(

Kids today don't deserve to be able to treat me like this.  How am I guilty?  Little things and weird things don't fully count.
So, I'm letting out my anger without foul language and without relying on acting annoyingly in real life.  I'm trying to avoid sounding mad at certain people or anyone if possible.
I was happy, but people come in mean.  I shouldn't have to put up with this.  You're treating me like an abuser.
I know people are mean to me to make others comfortable, but that shouldn't be for me.
Why does my dad hip hop in fibbing about his nature with some close, negative message for me?

The Circle of Apology

I partially just realized someone might be doing this I don't wanna fight, but I am not sure and know it's bad or just a coping mechanism.  It seems like I got hurt me in the process.
They always have some problem for me to wake up to.  I will not take this!!
They're setting me off to think the sound is shredding at my body like I'm American.
They're playing Buddhist humming or something I think but cuza being Chinese and I don't like it.  It's my mom's, but I know why they really did it now.

Tired

Is anything wrong?

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Some people have lost my trust, who I don't know.  I'm getting insulting messages to block constantly now from these people, the way things on my computer load sends messages.
 My map keeps blacking out.
How do you want me to deal with this or not deal with this?  You are wrong.
I know you're still there doing that.
This person keeps messing with me and threatening me within the experiment.  Playing around, something like a threat.  Just to punish me for cursing at being mean to me.  If you can't stand cursing, you should forget about it or tell me.

Instagram - phantomontour

phantomontourCan anyone guess who played the Phantom this afternoon?! (Hint: it's somewhere in the picture!) #allansnyder #phantomontour #phantomoftheopera
yellowbumblebee74Christopher Mann
mrspandolfoErik Ruiz?
irishmusicfan1Allan Snyder did the afternoon show! He was AMAZING!!
quintoottIt was Allan Snyder and he was SPECTACULAR! Check him out!
christinaannbarrettI think Jackie Evancho went today. I saw Chris Mann 3 times. 2 different Christines.
They think they can treat me like an animal for someone.

Problem

I liked someone from Australia and I have 2 friends on Facebook I've talked to more than usual unusually from there who are not like that.
and I don't wanna be mad at you
See, I already figured I was not mad at that girl.

Well

I found out the mystery that if you assert yourself to a certain person they will do something adverse to fill in the gap.
I don't want that in my life.  Someone told my mom to get  upset with my dad in dire straights of lies.. oh well?  We'll see how anyone feels about that.  Shouldn't it be for my mom to decide?

You can't sit there and affect my life and punish me and hurt my relationships.  We don't care about that stuff, no one does!  I'll post my feelings here rather than explode in life.  I'll try to forget important things like this.  I don't wanna be forced to post about stuff just to post about it and don't plan on it.

You might think that was right.  Maybe, it was.  It didn't seem like the best idea.  You probably just brush off that people are s***.  Are you Hitler of the Apes?

I'm sorry if this offended anyone and if it reached and hurt anyone innocent.  Let's leave it at that.  I had a thought cycle, as I always do.  I didn't violate you.

You want to take me back?

I am so sorry I was mad.  I could not think straight.  You think so?  I'm getting better, but I is who I is.
I wonder if aliens are watching me..

Apology

My relationships may be imperfect, but it seems they claim I always have something to lose.
You've already distanced yourselves from me.  You've turned innocent people against me to do foolish things.  People who live in LA are contradictory.  You shouldn't just not listen to me thinking you're actually there for me.  Not listen to me as in thinking you're not too chicken about my dad when you are and that's why there's no reason to listen to anyone like that.. and btw you've gone and done other things than claim it's my dad in your way to being nice to me.  Why does that sound so tacky?  This is about people in general.  You think you don't listen to me but are there for me but have to give me a heart attack daily for asserting my feelings on a blog.
Why is my dad going all pleasured getting me in trouble when I didn't do anything?  He won't stop keeping a grudge on me, like I'm a murderer of someone important to him.

Apology

If I offended anyone with what I said behind their backs but I didn't mean anything to them like to their face.  I was just sad..  I really am not an all the time sarcastic person...

Why I Came Out

I realized I could not go around grunting at myself and wanted to fix these problems.
I don't know what it means other than I say no if I don't know who said what in what way.  I can forgive some people, but my life is really lame.
I think I need to address this.  If a certain person who is adament I don't ever get mad at them, neither, I mean I live with what the other person says, too.  I don't need a circle of punishments orchestrated by my dad's hormones.  He claims it's not him.  WHO IS IT?
STOP IT

THEY SAID I DESERVE THE PUNISHMENT, THE WEIRD MESSAGES GOING ALONG WITH THE ACTION
Can't you even figure out if someone done it?
LOOK I DUNNO WHO YOU ARE BUT I DON'T NEED PUNISHMENT

I see my dad self-satisfied.  Don't you dare treat me like he does.

How dare I? How dare anyone to me.

I think it was a general decision and some people might not like it.  Then, let's just say I feel really bad.  I don't want your help, tho..

What is this all for Johnny Depp and this girl?

Problem

I don't want something big to happen cuza your problems with me this morning.  I believe you made one.
I see someone is afraid of me getting too much.  My old relaxed approval is not one thing you've brought into my life.  I am not a problem, either way.
I am not gonna put up with all this nonsense from various sources.  I come out and try to be nice, and my dad is always at me.  My mom follows along like she has to in triumph.  My parents don't even act like my parents, anymore.  If something bothers me, you just do it again.
I'm just talking, as opposed to being silent and brooding.  Notice I'm not flat out getting mad?  I would if I was.

Problem

They are loading pictures on the makeover hypnotically.
I see people playing around doing disgusting things with their bodies like wearing glasses all for this mean person for no resaon and flashing it in my face.

Upset

My dad was more talkative when I was more upset.
I don't wanna be got at for new stuff, too.

I thought of how people created the idea that this person is over me, and my parents were all smug about it, so I thought why not h*** the person who done it.. but that's like h***ing me, not injuring.  That's not what I even meant.  I do not accept this bullying, tho.  I do not accept that I used to be respected but now am not!
Look, I warned my parents to stop the secret messages.
This person is messed up and doesn't do anyone any good.  I don't see the result.

Maybe, they've said what they've needed and wanted to say.  They don't answer questions.
Quit treating me like you own me.
I'm not fascinated by your clues.
My dad wasn't even supposed to be a part of my life.  I don't even see my parents and they just want me on meds and are mean.

Upset

My dad is just trying to be mean to me and making pizza rather than letting me eat something else.  He's making it from taco shells.
Look, why are you even talking to me?  Is it all for a certain person?

I'm not dealing with inconveniences in my life for them, like putting someone before me and when I talk about it you all get creepy and mad at me all the time in private.

I pretty much got this.

You old fogies are simple-minded dwellers and think you spotted out sin in me.
This person is using me to say that something in their life is irritatingly imperfect.  I've been nice, but they just want the attention I got and not me.
I think a lotta people are important.  I take a stand against most people.  I mean, wasn't my life about me before?  Huh?  Maybe, my relationships are traitors.  I can find people under the radar who might be interesting.

Interestingly, this other person also wants everything to be about them.  I just don't want it to be like "Oh, okay, I don't deserve to be treated like I'm worth anything at all every time someone doesn't like what I do."  What's sad is it's coming into play in other opportunities for little things.  This person is not a part of me anymore than they are a part of just anyone else.  I don't mind at all if other people get attention and stuff.  I just get insulting messages concerning them.  Insulting to me, like I think maybe I deserve to be treated with respect and then I don't get it and they are used as a tool for that, like I was a really good person before and everyone just got all jealous and tore it down.
Seriously, these people won't stop bothering me, loading the page on the computer so it gives an insulting secret message emotionally.  Yes, they are putting someone before me and it's for a reason that doesn't exist but makes me feel guilty every day.  Who else does this?
No, I don't see why this person should be hurting me.  I know I was mad and cursed, but it wasn't usually directed at anyone originally.  Plus, a lotta people seem to have done that.  I was the one being wronged.

Glitch

Sometimes when I look something up or something, the waiting symbol won't go away even if I click X.
So, you're just sitting there making all the things I enjoy in life for someone else and pretending to be upset about it each time.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Strange Ideas

in my head, I had to say no I don't want such and such, it is so freaky, maybe I need to be punished but not brutalized
Oh and you can forget about my spamming nature and I will try to spruce things up cuz I wanna keep it coming for others.  *blush*
E-mailed my parents about having a good weekend.
Look I'm not here to accumulate your s***/insults.  To discuss them in person.
They are lying again about something getting attention.
They made a funny page keep loading and acting like it's a tossup on what it means.
I feel like creating a problem, like I am.  I am not sure what to do with myself.  I just go thru my life and have to pay extra homage for things I am told I ge that I don't deserve.

My Yeling Like Here

I wasn't directing it at anyone directly.  I guess it was just some issue, hopefully no one had a handle on or whatever.  Like, someone mighta done it, but who knows.  I guess I was nastier today at no one in particular.  I hope I can brush it away and go on with finishing my life successfully, as in having a healthy life until my old age.  It's not really okay.  I need to be in check with myself.
I'm learning to deal with those of adversity.  I do not care but will speak out against them.  Against their ruining my days like they are involved.
Well, I'm very sorry for my mood and how I couldn't "solve my own problems."  I didn't mean anything bad, just was feeling assertive, if your designated spokesperson can possibly think that..  }:(  Yea, what is this, anyway?  I'm not listening to others.